Question and Answer.. for the bored.

Well I highly doubt that anyone will have the time to read through all of this petty stuff. But it's a Questionaire type deal that I got from Holli's blog. She's a sweetie and I enjoyed going through her answers and figured that I'd have some fun doing the same. The last couple of questions made me think and those were my favourites. I doubt people care if I like Sprite or 7Up more, so I may have skipped a few. Enjoy if you dare to read..


What is your name spelled backwards? Yelah. Like Old Yella, but that was a really sad movie. Has anyone actually seen it? I've only heard of it and how terrible it is.
What did you do last night? I was a bit hung over from Friday night at Bobbi and Ken's house. So Rob had an old friend over and we watched about three straight hours of UFC fighting. I fell asleep from a long hard day at work, hung.
Have you ever licked a battery? Yes I have. It feels strange and shocking almost. Why, because my brother and sister told me to.
How many cars have you owned? I have owned 2 cars. The Honda that lasted one month and my Pontiac Sunfire that's currently parked because of a battery failure or an alternator mishap.
Type of music you dislike the most: I'm going to say girl rap. The stupid girls that have those whiny voices and they think they can sing and rap.. Oh my stop them now.
Are you registered to vote? I am not sure. I know I didn't when I could've. So I'm thinking not here in Qualicum, but I did in Hinton. This question seems more important for everyone in the U.S. Changes are needed big time. VOTE!
Do you have cable? So many people make me look bad because they don't have cable. "I don't have time for t.v" Well I DO! I love it.
Ever made a prank phone call? Probably, but it was most likely too stupid and immature to mention proudly.
You like anyone right now? I don't usually do these questionaires on my blog. This is why. It's so petty to ask a 21 year old if she likes anyone right now. Yes, I like my boyfriend that I live with.
Would you bungee jump or sky dive? I'd like to say that I would. But I probably wouldn't. I'd have the worst stomach ache from nerves before the jump that I'd be stuck in the bathroom unable to come out.
Furthest place you ever traveled? The south. Louisiana. It was wonderful and I'd love to return one day.
Do you have a garden? No. Well we do have a yard and there is definitely room for one. But I do not find one teeny bit of interest in making one.
Do you know all the words to O'Canada? If I didn't I'd be an idiot. Who doesn't know their national anthem? It's important to know I think. Unless you're too little..or not from here and still learning.
Shower morning or night? Always at night. I never shower in the morning unless I'm on one of my days off. I leave myself very little time for getting ready in the morning.
Best movie you've seen in the last month? Bobby. It was emotional and kept me interested. Oh! Band of Brothers, the mini-series. WOW what an amazing series. Everyone should see it.
Best pizza topping? If from Pizza Hut : ham and pineapple.
Popcorn or chips? I love chips, and am cursed with that craving every night of my life. White Cheddar popcorn that comes in a bag is amazzzzzzzzzing too.
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? I have never met anyone that has been in one. Do those people exist in Canada? It's not really big here, or at least in Alberta or B.C.
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with? Well this is a funny story. I was on my lunch break and this random guy sat down with me. He seemed really nice but it was just so bold of him to assume it was okay to sit with me on my break. So I just talked and ate my meal and threw in that I had a boyfriend and kept it friendly. Once I was finished eating, I cut my break a bit short and excused myself, shaking his hand. It freaked me out, I am not used to being approached like that.
Orange juice or Apple? Hang over: Tropicana Orange. Any other time: COLD apple.
Fav. chocolate bar? I am a chocolate nightmare these last few weeks. I finally stopped. But there was a definite week or two that I ate some once a night. Those chocolate crunchy eggs at easter got me.
Who is your longest friend and how long? I have friends. But I'd have to say for my most successful friend .. would be Katie. We met when she moved to Hinton.. we were in grade 2. 1992 I believe was the year. 15 years.
Last time you ate a home grown tomato? NEVER. blech.
Have you ever won a trophy? I've won medals but no trophies.
Last thing you bought at a store? Well I didn't buy it. But I was with Rob and his money is my money, soo...it was an ax for camping at the Canadian Tire.
Ever thrown up in public? Yes. I was in grade 10 at a New Year's Party. We were all out of town squeezed into a huge garage. It was loads of fun. But I remember I started smoking cigarettes that night. I mixed that with booze and I was puking into the garbage can in front of a couple. My best friend's older brother and his girlfriend at the time, I believe. Haha. They were snobs, so I still don't care too much!
Would you prefer a million dollars or true love? I'm going with money can't buy you happiness. Lame I know. But I believe it. Where will Paris Hilton be without a family to love her when she's 80.. still loaded, but with no one to share it with.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Sure, I bet some people have experienced that. In our case, it didn't happen. But all of a sudden, Rob was just there right in front of me. That's when I realized I wanted to know him.
Can exes be just friends? With time and most likely when children are involved. No kids, why be friends? Old feelings are always around and I just think it makes things complicated.
Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I don't like hospitals, for reasons.. But I think I remember it being Rob's sister Erin. She turned out okay, but it was scary.
Did you have long hair as a kid? Well I did for awhile. But mom cut it as short as a boy when I entered grade one. Then we just let it grow.. and grow.
What message is on your voicemail? I don't think anything for me. My mom's been the pits lately and doesn't phone me anymore. It used to be her. Oh my cousin Alex very excited telling me about her new job.
Where would you like to go right now? Hmm somewhere warm. Rob has the window open and the cold air is coming in. My hands are freeeeeezing. Maybe somewhere exotic with my honey. We need to go on a romantic vacation because we have never before.
What was the name of your first pet? Well technically Charlie, our dog was around before I was born... So I'm going with Doodle. My hamster that I named after my grandpa. He was always doodling around, taking his time. Hamsters don't do much, so it seemed fitting. He was also cute like my grandpa.
What's in your backpack? Another odd question.. But Rudi gave me one of his Weldwood work back packs he got for being safe at work or something like that.. I usually have my running shoes inside, with a tampon half hanging out of it's package, haha.. My MP3 player and... a sweaty towel. But for now it's empty.
Last incoming and outgoing number on your phone? Incoming was... Grannie telling Rob that the roof he fixed was leaking. She's just kidding and wanted to mess with him. Outgoing was my sister. I phoned her to see what she was up to and if we could feel around to see if her and Joe were going to be going out. If so we were going to spontaneously drive there for the weekend.
What is one thing you are greatful for today? Having a roof over my head. A nice one, a comfy one that people come to visit and feel like they are staying with a laid back aunty and uncle. I like knowing that we have it well. I love our house when it's all tidy and Rob and I can lay on our couches and relax.
What do you think most about? How my life will turn out. How everything I am doing right now, ultimately effects what I'll be doing next year, and the one to follow. Now that I am growing up I realize that I have started living my adult life. That scares the hell out of me and it excites me. I look forward to buying a house, and getting married and having kids. I want to see my babies .. I want to meet them and soon. I look forward to my life to come and I think about that often.

Easter Spirit

Ohh Easter went so well.

Rob and I had Easter at our house again this year, but this time it was just the two of us. That made it really special.

Saturday night while Rob was glued to the hockey game, I made up little rhyming clues to put everywhere in the house. I bought him candy, chocolates and a Toronto Maple Leafs fleece blanket. We had a fire in the backyard after the game and while he was outside, I weaseled my way around the house, hiding clues and presents. He had no idea.

Easter morning came. I woke up excited but knew that it was too early to wake him. I looked over towards his side of the bed and he was laying there looking at me. Haha, I guess he was ready to get up after all. He was excited because he had a basket with a note from the easter bunny and a wee bunny sitting there beside the bed ready for me to go on my easter egg hunt. I knew that he hadn't gotten me anything for Easter but I didn't know that he was going to use the easter kit we received on me. Even though I knew where everything was hidden I too enjoyed following him to each and every clue. We were showered and fed by 9:30 just in time to head to Parksville for church.

Yes, I said it; church. I went to church for Easter this year. I never go to church period. But I have never gone to church for any other reason besides funerals. So this was an interesting experience for me. I am familiar with the Catholic religion because I grew up going to a Catholic Elementary School. I didn't like it in school because it wasn't really my own choice. I just went because that was the school that my mom chose for us kids. I didn't enjoy religion class and I hated going to church. I was kind of a wuss. The Jesus on the cross after being crucified always scared me. It was life size and hanging on the wall and I just thought it was so terrifying yet I couldn't keep my eyes off of it. I was just bad at going to church, I'd get light headed and want to pass out. After awhile, I think I just stopped going.

But my experience was so much better this time. I went to a Christian Church for my dad when I was in Drayton Valley last. That was too much for me. I didn't enjoy it because going to church there is more like a way to meet people. All of the young people swarm around you and want to know who you are. It's nice but a little too much all at once. In the catholic church, it's more layed back. There are a lot of older people there, all dressed up in their Sunday best. There was an old woman beside me singing in a pitchy, old fashioned voice. It was wonderful. Babies were crying and their moms were running them out of the side doors to shush them. A little girl was singing hymns at the front. The priest had a thick Russian accent and it was hard to understand him, but it was so old fashioned that I felt really comfortable. He wasn't preachy like my dad's pastor. The people didn't stop and introduce themselves when they saw us coming into the church for the first time. Rob was right. The catholic church is very personal. People aren't all over you making sure you're going to come back. They leave it up to you and that's what's best. I personally feel like it is my choice if I want to come back without coaxing or pressure of any kind.

After church we went to the grocery store to pick up our ham. We made deviled eggs out of the boiled eggs we painted the night before. We enjoyed our feast together and curled up on the couch under comfy blankets later. It was a success and so far it was my favourite holiday that we spent together. I liked it more than Christmas which I can't really believe.

I also think that I may pursue going to church again. I won't go to please Rob or for anyone else. I will go for myself. I believe in God, casually. But I have been feeling spiritual lately and I don't mind hearing stories that make me just think. I don't mind re evaluating how I live my life. I don't mind hearing people singing to old fashioned songs. I think that if I want to go again, I will. If not, I won't. But as for Easter, I will be going back each year because I really enjoyed it.

Better Days

My favourite moment in a day is when I am completely at peace with my life. As I walked home from the gym the other day, I felt that. I was listening to a beautiful song on my MP3 and I was walking in the sun and the breeze was cool but not steady. I was thinking to myself how amazing my life has become. I look around at the full green trees in the sky and the new flowers blooming. It's almost like the first scene where Dorothy sees colour in The Wizard Of Oz. It's like I haven't seen colours like that since before winter. The sun is beating down on me as I walk and I can't get the smile off of my face. I turn the corner to my street and I see my bright orange house sitting there waiting for me. It's comforting and I remembered thinking, I have to write about this feeling.

Well it happened again the other night. Rob was soar from packing loads upon loads of bundles onto the roof he was working on. I was soar from returning to the gym after my holiday. We walked over to the pool which is about a two minute walk. We sat and cooked in the hot tub. We didn't last long, but it seemed to relax our muscles just enough. As we left the civic centre, we were embraced by the moonlit darkness. It felt like we were on a spotlight as we strolled back to our home. There wasn't a breeze to chill us and the temperature seemed just right. We joked about how we didn't even have to look to see if cars were coming as we crossed because Qualicum is so quiet after 6:00. We love our little retirement town. It's perfect for us. For the most part, there isn't any trash walking up and down any streets here. There isn't litter or dirty roads. This is a beautiful place to live.

As I walked home today from the gym, I was chilly and the wind was a bit more demanding of my attention. But I thought about how fufilling it feels to be responsible for looking and feeling good. I remember being 16 and looking great. But I ate badly, my sleeping patterns were off the wall, I drank too much with my friends at parties and I never even thought about exercising. So I was probably pretty unhealthy. Now that my body is letting me know that I am getting older and skinny isn't something I just get to have, I have to work at it. I like having to go to the gym and work at my appearance. I have to work for a nice, toned, healthy looking body. There's just so much more honour and commitment in that. So for me working out isn't only about looking better. But it really is for me, to know that I am doing something wonderful for myself. I am healthy and in doing so I am happier person for it.

A Place I Used To Call Home

It's been too long.

I got back from my trip to Alberta on Friday. Before I arrived on Friday I was worried about fitting back into my schedule snuggly. As soon as I was in Rob's arms at the airport I knew that everything would fit back into place quite nicely.

My trip was something that I needed to do. I really wanted for so long, to go back to where I'm from. Go back to my roots; country music, lifted expensive trucks, drinking with old friends and visiting with family. But, once I arrived I felt an emptiness that nothing could fill.

First we arrived in Edmonton and stayed with my brother and his girlfriend Jess. They live in a penthouse on top of the Northgate Towers. It's more like a bachelor pad, but it's familiar and I feel fairly comfortable there. We did a lot of dining and drinking while we were there. Lincoln's birthday was that Thursday and we went out and saw lots of old friends of Linc's. The only thing was that I took about seventy pictures, all of which I deleted by mistake before I had the chance to save them. But the night out was a lot of fun, except for the giant drunk fight my bro had with me later that evening. I would rather not get into it, because there's just too much to say and so much that I can't make sense of.

I went onto Drayton Valley with Kyli to visit our dad and step mom. That was a great visit because we got to see lots of family. Dad and Shelley truly are great hosts. And for the first time in a long time, dad really seemed to take on his role as "dad". It was very comforting knowing that he was there and willing to do anything to make our stay a good one. They were great and I am very thankful to have them in my life.

Next I went to Miss Katie's humble abode. Her boyfriend Eric and her live in a "chainsaw massacre-like" small town in the middle of nowhere, haha. But it is quaint and cute all the same. The weather was a factor in my stay in Peers. It was cold and snowing so I think that's why Peers didn't seem as welcoming. But they should be very proud of themselves. They have a wonderful little home and are a very happy little couple. Katie had a room for me that didn't have any cat hair in it, which was puuuurfect. Hehe.

We went to Hinton, where we grew up together. I got to see Carmelle, which was so nice. I pretty well haven't heard from her since I saw her last. So it was refreshing getting to be around her again. I visited with Katie's mom and step dad Dwayne and then later on her dad Gary. It was so nice walking into her parents' homes and having them know me and want to chit chat. I'm not used to people knowing me here and the familiarity was also very comforting. The weather sucks in Alberta and I forgot how unwelcoming the bare trees are, but those mountains painted forever in the distance were breathtaking. I embraced them so much more this visit. I never ever appreciated them when I lived there. But now when I see them I feel happy knowing that we were fortunate enough to live around them for as long as we did.

Our Hinton night out was a success! I saw many old friends and acquaintances. I felt like a million bucks and was just thrilled to be able to tell people that I was living on the island with my boy. Let's just say that I saw the right people and I had a good time.

But, having said all of that. I was so thrilled to come home. This truly is my home and I belong nowhere else now. This trip made me feel more fortunate for what I have. I feel blessed to have been sent this way and I am very pleased with the path I have chosen.

Re-takes of our first part of the visit in Edmonton
Luckily it was our first and last part of the trip.














Us in front of our very first house in Drayton!














On the way to Hinton. Look at those mountains!














It was fun..haha.















My drunken buddies!

No Time To Do Nothing

There's been so much to keep me busy these last few weeks. Even if my life doesn't feel all that exciting and busy it is time consuming. Being me, is a lot of work apparently.

I feel like I work a lot, like most people in the world. I spend another chunk of my "after work hours" at the gym running. But lately I have been skipping a little. I still go at least three times a week. But I do feel a bit guilty. I come home from work, go straight to the gym and then when I get home.. Rob's looking at me to help him with dinner. So I do, or I don't. Then there's possible hostility from him if I don't. Haha. It's just easier to help and then.......... I get to shower.. Then and only then, do I usually get to relax. Of course, I'm not complaining. There isn't a whole lot going on every evening, but it just seems to take up so much time.

We had a spontaneous adventure to Victoria one Saturday after work. We just spent one night there having a few drinks at Ky and Joe's apartment. Sometimes we just need to get out of this little town.

Alex and Andrew invited us to Andrew's place to join them in a turkey roast. Their friends were there and we met a few people. I had a good time because it was so much like back home. There was a big fire in the backyard which is pretty well all bushes. He lives out of town a bit and there aren't a lot of other houses that close by. It was nice to do something different too.

My mom and I have patched things up which is always great! We are learning how to deal with the new in our lives with better attitudes and fairness.

Yesterday was a dreary day for the family. Lincoln sounded down and of course mom was a bit too. I didn't get to speak with my sister but I can bet she probably wasn't having the best of days either. Rudi's been gone for two years now and it doesn't feel like it and yet it does all at the same time.

I miss him but in a different way. It's not as fresh of a loss. So I guess I am getting used to the fact that he is gone, more and more. There is a lot of new going on in our lives lately and that is helping me to move forward with everything.

I'll never forget Rudi, ever. But I have learned to live without him indefinetly. And for the first time I don't feel guilty about that.



We started out with just the two of us when we
moved here and lots has changed since then. But
really, in the long run, it's still the two of us....

Here's To You

Valentine's Day.

A day to be bitter or involved with all of it's ribbons and hearts. I for one choose to be into this day because I am very much involved with my boy. He was on my mind all day while I worked. I watched old couples pass by the shop and it made me curious. How long had they been together? They must know each other so well.

Yesterday an old man stood proudly next to his little lady. Just before I asked him what he wanted, he snuck in a little peck on her little white head. It was the sweetest thing I have seen. Older folks don't seem to show their affection as much in public. To see it was really something else. My heart warmed at the hint of this man's love for his wife.

I only imagine what Rob and I will be like when we're dried up and gray.. We'll be cute I think. He is very affectionate towards me. I, for some reason like to keep my cheek kissing or lap sitting for in our own house. I don't like to be public with my love and I think that's fine. I do like to show him a little extra once in awhile at the grocery store or at the mall. I'll put my head on his shoulder or give his sides a little squeeze just to let him know that I know he's there..

Today was a good day. Rob has made me really realize that the two of us are a little mini family. We will grow on it one day but for now it's just the two of us. My family is scattered all over. I don't want to get into mom but she's off doing her own new thing, with her new and exciting life. She's happy and I'm leaving it at that. I really feel like I am now apart of my own family more than ever.

So Today I celebrate candies, hearts and ribbons.. for my mini family..

Here's to you and me kid!

















He said I bring out the kid in him.... I think so too..

Chinese Food and 5K under my Belt

For the passed week or so I have had this 5k run on my mind. There's an admission fee of $10.00 and that money goes towards cancer. So Bobbi and I decided to go for it. It's good exercise and we'll feel great about it once we're finished.

Saturdays are usually my "Friday" because my days off are Sundays and Mondays. So I have usually had it by Saturday and come home to veg out and be lazy. When I got home I guzzled down a Dr. P and indulged in a plate of QF Chinese Food. QF is our grocery store and they make okay Chinese food but it almost always makes me feel crappy after. I downed it and thought about how much I wish I hadn't. I knew full well that I had to run the next morning but I just didn't seem to care at the time. All night that food was making me feel awful and I was beginning to get a little worried that I wouldn't do as well on my run.

Well I woke up a few times before I had to really get up and get into my running clothes. Bobbi was at the house by 8:30 and we were both sprawled out on my living room floor stretching out our legs. It was really fun. There were probably about forty or more runners. There were kids that looked like they were quite recently pulled out of bed to participate. There were the hard cores, with their tight spandex pants and expensive matching running shirts and flashy Nike shoes. There were chubby ladies that had no intention of running, which was perfectly fine as well.

The count down was over before I knew it and we were all off. It was a beautiful run. We ran through the walking trails and we were completely engulfed in the tropical like trees. Bobbi pointed out the trees above us and how they looked like green lace hanging over our heads. There was a faint mist of rain which was perfect for our sweating bodies. We did it. We ran 5k in thirty seven minutes and seventeen seconds. It was a wonderful feeling. I was overjoyed and felt so proud that we had done it. I am not huge on hugging but as soon as we crossed the finish line I jumped up and grabbed my aunt and gave her a well deserved hug. She's 47 and none of her other sisters would be caught dead out there running like that. We did it.

5k isn't that bad. (3 miles) I thought it would be horrendous but it was nothing close to that. I bet we could do 10k if I avoided the Chinese Food the night before and she avoided the beer and nachos.

I still can't believe I did something like this. I love this new feeling, this new passion to push myself..



Look at my slit eyes..I'm pretty beat..lol!

Run It Off

I just got home from the gym and I couldn't feel any better than I do now. I remember September 07th, I wrote a post saying that I wanted to start working out my body. It was just an idea that I truly didn't think was going to stick. Like my journal, it has stuck. I was eleven years old on December 31st, 1996 and I vowed to my best friend Morgan, that I was going to write in my brand new note book I bought, every day until ... forever. Of course, a lot of kids say that. But here I am ten years later still writing in my notebook every day. So hopefully in ten years I can look back at this moment and realize that I did it.

I really want to be fit because it makes me feel great. People do drugs to get this incredible high and I exercise. It's tough to describe this amazing feeling, but all I know is that when I finish my run on the tread mill and I am really excited to work on my arms, or back, etc. I think the weights really are my favourite part. I remember being a little girl, sitting in Rudi's arms. I promised that the minute I could get into the gym with him I would. At five I promised and at twenty one I am keeping that promise. Even if he's no longer with us, he will always remain strong in my heart and especially when I am working out. I can just see him smiling.

I took some pictures of myself posing, haha. I felt kind of stupid doing it, but then I decided that I wanted to take these pictures to keep track of how my body is doing. In another month I'll take the same pictures and compare to see how much I've improved, or haven't. I still have Rudi's pictures of him at competitions. He's a monster! I think of him a lot these days. What would have been his 57th birthday is on Wednesday. This is two years since he was sick. This month is a difficult one, but instead of being negative and feeling sad and sorry for myself I am going to work harder.

Aunty Bobbi and I are signed up for a 5k run in the Qualicum Woods on Sunday. It's for cancer and that was the key word to help me agree to it. My real Dad Bernard has cancer and is still getting treatment for it and my Ruder had it and it ended his life. So I will run for him and for my dad. I will run against their struggle and fight with it. I won't stop .. I'll just keep thinking of him..

Young Guns

Mama is going to be 50 on Thursday. Wowsers. To me, 50 isn't even old though. Like I've said before 50 is the new 30 these days. I look at it this way, if someone dies at 85 it's kind of okay. He lived his life, and 85 is a decent time to die. But when a person goes at 55.. it seems a little early. Therefore, 55 isn't old.

Mom had no idea that we planned a surprise birthday party for her. Unfortunately none of us got any pictures of our house all decorated. I told her that I wanted to spend the night at her house Saturday. But I phoned at 4 to tell her that my car died and Rob wasn't home to take me to her place. She came right away, expecting nothing. Especially since her real birthday isn't until Thursday, she probably hadn't even thought about it yet. She was so surprised. She kind of just stood there with her mouth open.

We had a birthday tiara and a birthday girl pin. We had streamers and banners, balloons and a cheap pin the tail on the donkey. She drank it right up. We had her tonic water and flowers to smell and grapes to eat. She was like a hyper kid that was fed lots and lots of chocolate. She was off the wall excited. But it was her night and we let her loose. We had reservations at a fancy restaurant for 7. Her and I went back to her place so that she could get really dressed up and shower. I made her a cd and played it for her while she got ready. I felt like I was at my girlfriend's house, rather than my mom's. A lot has changed. Some for the good and some for the bad..

We had a nice dinner and mom kept "cackaa ing" like Ellen (Ellen Degeneres Show) in the restaurant. Like I said, she was really excited. My sister and Joe came from Victoria so she was really pleased that they came all the way for her. The food was great and we got some pictures taken outside on the patio.

All in all she deserved the treat and on her actual birthday I am going to spend some time with her. I took the day off so that she can have me all to her self, if she wants.

Happy 50th mom- you're not gettin' old, you're just gettin' started.


Rob and ma














The girls- with Alex. We've salvaged our
relationship and are getting along wicked good
now. She's my gym partner.

The Wedge

It is funny how one day can change so much.

Yesterday Rob and I went to mom's to take down Christmas for her. There has been some mention of her having a friend in her life lately, but nothing serious. Apparently it is a bit more than what I thought. He has come for a couple of visits at her house and one visit to Nanaimo to pick something up at the Canadian Tire.

It is true that I was very open to all of this in the beginning. I think it is good for her to have found a companion, although she has been told not to get into any relationships until she has hit her one year of sobriety. But I know she has a good head on her shoulders and knows not to get too serious this soon.

I somehow figured out that I knew this friend of hers. He happened to be a regular at my coffee shop. I was delighted trying to figure out by his name who he might be. At first I thought of a sweet man that comes in early in the mornings and is always polite, calling me by my name. But as soon as she said "painter" my heart didn't even sink, it started beating violently in my chest. I couldn't sit anymore, I needed to get out of her observing eyes. I started pacing out of my own control in and out of the kitchen. The Painters! There is an older man that comes in with his son and they are known for hitting on anything with a pair of tits. His son isn't bad but it is him that makes everyone uncomfortable with his inappropriate comments. I couldn't believe it was HIM. It was confirmed and my mind has been made up.

I am not a close minded person. If anyone was to know this information ahead of time it would be me. I just can't say that I am not completely disappointed with the end result. I was hoping to meet this new guy that peeks mom's interest and instead I have already met him in a number of occasions. I have brought him his breakfast and served his coffee, watching him tip with inappropriate comments and his lingering eyes on anything that moves. Urrrggh. It makes me shudder thinking that this is her new friend.

I researched it a little by asking one of the ladies I work with what she thought of the "painter guy". First thing she says, no hesitation, he's a bit creepy. Then she goes on to tell me her inappropriate story of him. Of course being as it was a recent encounter, I tell mom.

She phones to tell me that he feels really badly and is apologizing to this lady at work. Big deal. I don't care about her. I care about my mother and her feelings. She shouldn't be getting involved with a man with a wondering eye and perverted comments. I know that I am going way off at this point. But I can't help but not care.

Every time she mentions his name I shudder. I don't like it. I hate this feeling. This better not be the beginning of something horrible. I have seen these kinds of problems on Oprah or Dr. Phil. "My step daughter is keeping my wife and I apart. "

I already feel like she's taken his side over mine and that he is the wedge between my mom and I . I haven't phoned her back because I don't know what to say. That has never happened and I have him to blame for that, and I hate that too. At this rate I'll never like him.

He has zero room for error now and as far as I am concerned he better be thinking up some classy, GENUINE way to woo me like he has mom.

Square Box Of Fun

Fun.

That is something I want to be apart of even moreso this year. I want to have more fun, with the simple pleasures in life. I don't know what it is about me, but I feel like half the time I'm not feeling up to a lot of things. Or I don't want to, I'd rather sit around in the comforts of my home. I am not lazy. I work my eight hours a day, forty a week usually and come home to go for my run, usually. Lazy people don't go for runs. At least I don't think so. But, activity wise, I need to buck up.

Rob and I are eachother's life. We have a couple of friends but we spend most of our time with eachother. So after awhile, we run out of things to do. I need to do more. Step outside of my comfort zone. Here I had thought I conquered all of that. But really I know I haven't. I want to be more adventurous, fearless. I can't really imagine being a fearless person. I bet it would be so refreshing.

The guys off of Jack Ass 2 aren't people that I necessarily look up to usually for .. anything. They're ridiculously entertaining, but I don't aspire to get to where they are. Johnny Knoxville is a fearless son of a bitch. He will pretty much do anything. I am not saying he is the smartest guy but he is afraid of nothing. He will look a bull right in the eyes and stand there waiting to see how badly it will hurt him. I'm sure his mother has already died of a heart attack after seeing some of the stunts he's pulled. But he has something that I don't have. Pain doesn't scare him like it does most. That is a big reason why I don't do a lot of things. Of course there are other reasons.

I don't like being rejected, or put in uncomfortable situations. I don't like to stay out too late when I have to work in the morning. I don' t like driving somewhere if I have never been there before, especially at night. I am a big wuss. I am afraid of everything it would seem. I have already quit smoking now for.. four months and started being more physical and eating better (not lately, but I am getting there again.) I will shoot for doing more. I want Rob to be able to ask me to go do something at any time and I will answer with a "Yes, let's do it. " Let's face it life is by far too short to be afraid of everything.

I asked Rob if he would go pool hopping once when we went by a really nice house once. He said yeah like it was no big deal. I would NEVER do something like that. What if we got caught? What if the people that lived there caught us and they were regulars where I worked? What happens if we got arrested? I'd be too embarrassed. I'd feel like such an idiot. Blah blah. I know that it's good to be responsible but only to a certain extent. A young lady that used to work with me was about 17 and she sounded like she had never done anything bad. Not really bad, but even a little bad. She didn't even have the curiosity to go out and drink a beer with a friend or stay out later than she was supposed to. She was way too responsible for her own good. All I wanted to do was corrupt her, just a little bit. Well I am sure that there is someone out there that looks at me and thinks the very same thing. I am a little too square sometimes. I need to unwind and do something I wouldn't normally do. It would be thrilling and certainly make our lives more interesting.

I want to do things that make me happy this year and I want to try new things. That is my goal for 2007; to quit being such a Haley about everything and have some damn fun!



See- this girl HATES fun. haha

Nearing the end.. and the new.

The time has come for Christmas to be packed away in old, worn out boxes for another year. My mom's decorations were covered in what used to be known as candy canes. Apparently the weather is so hot here that in the summer, the candy canes melted all over the sad, traditional ornaments. Oh well. A sticky Christmas never hurt anyone.

I always feel pretty bummed out around this time of year. The Christmas Burning Log is replaced with infomercials on Channel 4. The Christmas trees lose their festive appeal. Before when I looked at my tree I thought of excitement, a symbol of our first Christmas spent together. Now I look at it, a bit trashier than I had anticipated, with the chunks of tinsel and old fashioned ornaments. A symbol of something else to put on my to- do list, along with GO BACK TO WORK AND MAKE MORE MONEY. I don't think that I am really broke, but I certainly am feeling a bit of pressure, knowing that rent is due fairly soon.

2007 is right around the corner, and I am not so sure how I feel about it. I mean, it's just another year. Like every other year, it comes and goes. But Rob made a valid point. 2002 sounded okay, along with 2005 but we seem to be reaching 2010. Twenty ten. It just seems so futuristic. Again- I think about how far along we've come. Fifty years ago people were putting clear plastic, coloured sheets over top of their t.v screens to make it look like they had coloured t.v. A woman I work with told me that the people's faces would be purple or green, but it didn't matter because she and her sisters felt like they were watching coloured t.v.

Rob bought me a MP3 player that holds 250 songs and picture files. I know there are Ipods that hold up to 3000 songs and I can't get over how teeny tiny these mechanisms are. I don't even think I know 1000 songs! Like I said, we've come a very long way.

I've also come to find that I am really beginning to grow up. I think I thought I was so grown up even a year ago. But there is so much more that I don't even have a clue about yet. It drives me crazy that people could point me out and say; "she has nooo idea. " But it is very true. Take a look at my blog for instance. I usually only blog when I have gone somewhere, like a pub and took a bunch of drunken pictures. When really I should find time to write all of the time about very casual things. I am quite young still and I know that. I am allowed to be. But at the same time I look forward to being wise, knowing more. I am always going to look forward to experiencing more of this crazy world.

Without experience, I don't exist.. I like life lessons even when they're tough. I know that I am not necessarily prepared for all that I am about to experience, but I welcome it with open arms. I accept this life and hope to get as much out of it as possible.

**Some pictures of my Christmas:

Rob put out cookies for Santa and sugar for his
reindeer. I was unaware that reindeer eat
sugar, but now I know..













Earrllllly Christmas Morning..













Christmas Eve and our "excited faces".














Somehow he looks more convincing.. Man- He's
such a cutie...

Busy busy

Party Time

Part 2- Saturday

Originally we were supposed to go to Victoria, but there was a snow storm as rare as they come here on the island. We drove for nearly two hours and were sent right back where we came from. We were turned around on the Malahat because it was closed. We cancelled our hotel in Vic and made one in Nanaimo. No harm no foul.

We had a really good time. Parker picked up as usual. Dave laughed a lot, as usual. Rob had to stop me from stealing the tambourine from the band, haha- as usual. I am not a crazy tambourine theif. But I do like to take things when I am drunk. Don't ask. It's who I am.

I took the liberty of playing the tambourine for the band because they were in my reach (purse) for the second set. The band thanked me after and told me that I did really good. Haha. The boys danced, as I entertained. It was another good night with the Thunder Bay boys.

Part of the band














In my glory..















Parker taped HIS beer to my hand..















Fake boob grab. Come on, Rob's taking the pic!!
















The boys posin'.

Party Weekend- Part 1.

Part One- Friday Night

I have been a very busy girl lately. Rob and I had some company over the weekend. His friend Dave was coming for a week and we had hoped that his other buddy Parker would join. But he declined saying that he couldn't afford to come and our timing was pretty bad. So we gave up on him. Dave arrived and we had a couple of quiet nights, going to a pub here or there, not getting too crazy.

Parker phones, saying he in fact CAN come and is trying to book a flight. Our hopes were high as he phoned to let us all down. No money, bad idea, never mind. But we know Parker well, and the boys WAAAY more than I. We told him that he needed to be here, to share this Island Experience with us. And that was all it took really. Less than 24 hours later, he is sitting in our living room, hittin' p's. So, our weekend sloowly unravels.

I invited a co-worker, Holly to join in the madness. She was happy and eager to come with us. I haven't had a friend come and party with me for quite some time, so I was pretty excited about it as well. She came around 8. Myself and the boys were already deep into our alcoholic bliss. No, we were well on our ways though. After some guitar playing, hair straightening and a few more special drinks later, we were on our way to the Rod and Gun.
We had ourselves quite the time there. We basically turned that bar upside down. I think the band had to turn their mic.s up so that we could hear them sing! (not really, haha) The bar was pretty quiet when we first arrived and I think there is nothing wrong with the five us taking on full credit for getting that place hopping! I was drunk. Okay, so was Holly. She was falling, I was holding her up and we were dancing. No one could stop us from dancing, not even a few falls on Holly's part. One even caused her to limp the next morning! But NO, we danced our little hearts out. If you asked us what our favourite song of the night was... we wouldn't remember what songs were even played. Haha. I smashed a glass with my hand. I am french, I speak with my hands! I was hanging out the window at the bar, picking flowers out of the flower pot and sticking them in everyone's drinks. They were pretty, and added to the "appearance" of the drink. Needless to say it was a lot of fun. Fun I haven't had in quite some time.

Me and the Boys














Much later at the bar, with Rob and Holly.















I love you .. I love you too.



















Us allll night.














Looking a bit Done.

Underdog....

I started my writer's workshop on Wednesday. I got my notepad and pen, my chair and reading glasses all in the room with me. I sit down with every intention of doing nothing but my very best work. I loved it. I certainly am learning valid things about writing. I also feel great doing it online because of the fact that I am anonymous. I am not focused on how nervous I would be if I was in a classroom around strangers, critics.. I am comfortably in my own house, safe in a room with the heat up and a candle lit. I feel more at ease meeting my classmates online, through their own writing. We comment and read on to the next classmate and I find myself completely involved. I love that.

Today was my second lesson. It was all about detail. I must say I learned very much from this lesson. I am always the kind of reader to skip over paragraphs of overly desriptive parts in the books that I read. But today I learned for the first time how to describe things. How to write descriptively without being matter of fact, or boring. I liked it. We had to light a candle and write about it in one paragraph. Keeping in mind what we just learned about description. I wrote it out, feeling a bit sick to my stomach, hoping it is the best piece in the class. I carefully put my arrow to Submit and clicked, with one quick motion of my forefinger. I read on to find my classmates had a whole other idea of this assignment. Perhaps I failed to recognize that describing the candle is what was most important. I liked my piece because it was unique, but at the same time, less descriptive in comparison to my classmates. Boooo!

I asked Rob to sit and listen to three samples, one being mine. I told him to tell me his favourite, even if he knew it wasn't mine. I told him to be honest and that I wouldn't mind. I left mine for last. He liked the first two because they were brilliant. But he knew mine was last, saying it was good. I felt as I read my work outloud,that my voice began to quiver, as doubt took over my thoughts. I wished suddenly that I had not asked this of him, that he didn't even have a clue what I was in here writing about. I take criticism of any kind the wrong way. I can't help it. It's like being jealous. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. It causes people to say irrational things, to burst out in tears or in anger. I felt like my reaction to Rob's answer would be like this. When he told me that mine could've been more descriptive because that was in fact what the class was all about today, I felt myself shut down and I turned my face before it turned red. Saying that I needed to check my e-mail and then I'd come out of the room. I feel like a fool. Even though I am sure he doesn't.

I feel like the underdog, already. For once in my life I am doing something that I want to do in my life. I am completely into it and focused on bettering my skills. But at the same time there is a sense of competition, to be the best, or at least one of the best. My competition is pretty intense. I have so many people in my class that are parents, retired grandmother's, business owners, stay at home mother's, you name it! These people are from all over the world and seem to carry loads and loads of more experience than me. Although I am aware that this is for me and not for me to compare myself to grandmother's or retired teacher's.

This experience is already worth the $169.00 that I spontaneously put on my mastercard! I am having a lot of fun writing of course. I am also enjoying my classmates comments on some of my work already. I have to wait for the comments on my candle piece to come.... I am anxious, nervous and a little shakey of what everyone will think. But it's also exhilerating. I suggest that some of you bloggers might want to check something like this out. It's really good for a writer, just waiting to write...


The Wild Flame

I breathe in and exhale and I notice the flame peaking out from within the candle is thrashing wildly. Why is it that every time one is lit, and the lights are turned off a feeling of calmness and peace take over my body and mind? I feel relaxed and at ease, as the pale pink wax glows in the dark. The flame violently whips in all directions and it leaves me to wonder what caused it to do this. I am completely alone in the room and have not moved. Perhaps a candle is used for more than just light or decoration. Maybe it is a way of knowing that I am in fact not alone. There could be beings or lost souls swimming in and out of each room, each house. Only passing through, causing the flame in my candle, my source of light and comfort to quiver..

A Lasting Glow

Lately this is how I feel; the world is mine to do what needs to be done. It doesn't matter if it's doing things to make others happy, or just spending quality time with my family, making new memories to cherish. I am really content with my life right now.

Rob and I did a good deed this weekend. We flew my brother Lincoln in from Edmonton to see our mama. Mom is doing well, but she really needed to see him. She misses him truly. So this visit was a complete surprise to her. I wish I could put the video on my blog so as to share her reaction to my brother sneaking up along side her, pretending to be a stranger. It was so amazing to help make someone that I care for over anything in this world; that overjoyed.

It is also nice to be around family again. I think that Christmas isn't just my favourite time of year because of the presents, but because of the family that I am around. My family isn't just the best because they're my family either. We are so much fun when we all get together. Our chemistry is just perfect when all of us around each other. The best part is, is that we found partners that get along with everyone just as well. That is how I know we are all going to end up with these awesome people in our futures. Jess, Joe and Rob all get along wonderfully. This was the first time that Jess and Rob met, but they seemed to hit it off perfectly.

The picture symbolizes the sense of freedom, of completion that I am feeling this morning when I woke up. My guy cleaned the house up while my siblings and I went to my aunt's last night to party and eat great food. As I woke up not remembering much of last nights retreat to bed, I looked at the house and it was neat and tidy. I told him that I didn't expect him to clean up but he did anyway. So I woke feeling great about yesterday, in a place that I didn't have to worry about cleaning. My morning has been spectacular. It's been for me to catch up on the weekend's results and to gather my thoughts about it. Hence, why I feel so good I bet.

Mom is looking so outstanding these days. She's lost 15 pounds and she's a renewed woman, so much that she's glowing in all the pictures that we took. My mom is someone very special to me and in putting that smile on her face yesterday, I too feel that good

Comparisons

One year from October 20th-- my sister's birthday. It was the first time that Rob met Kyli and Joe. We like to call it their anniversary. Rob and I had only been dating for... a couple of weeks. We decided it was time for him to meet my sister and her ..ahem, boyfriend Joe.

Joe and I looking nice...a year ago.
















One year later..looking okay.. I could be better.















Smoochin' her sister..nice BOOBs and double
chin!














We look better a year later..haha
















Joe loving me.













Joe still loving me.















Rob and Haley's first picture...















Rob and Haley's most recent picture...