Today as I was sitting in the backyard.. taking the last sip of my Dr. Pepper.. I noticed.. the contest promotion on the side of the bottle.
I bought the pop the night before at a pop machine down the street. Usually, as a kid the very first thing you realize is the contest on a pop bottle. The sheer possibility of winning something causes a kid to choose that very pop instead of a preferred flavour. It struck me as odd that I hadn't noticed to "look under the cap" for so many years.
Does this mean that I am too grown up and busy with life to notice these sweet pleasures I once enjoyed as a kid? How many caps have I failed to look under to see if I was a grand prize winner of a new Hybrid or a free pop?
As a kid I couldn't wait to grow up. I day dreamed about living with my "husband" in our very own home with a set of twins under my arms. Now, it seems as though I reminisce about road trips with my family. I was always the last to choose my place in the van. I got whichever seat the older two didn't want. I couldn't wait to have my own vehicle, one that I would drive and not have to worry about my seating. Now, I get into an empty car.. with my head full of groceries to buy for the next week, making sure not to spend too much so that we'll have enough for the mortgage payment, or insurance for the very car I now own.
I miss my adolescence. I miss the care free nature I once bestowed. I miss being a family.. Mom, Rudi, Kyli, Lincoln and I all together in one space.
I'm going to take the neglected bottle cap as a sign to see as a child sees. To appreciate the little things in life, that so many adults fail to. I want to embrace that crazy, hippy kid inside.. the one that wore red and green plaid suspenders to school..with a red turtle neck. I'm going to eat a bag of chips and not feel guilty. I'm going to jump into a pile of swept, drying leaves this fall.
My point- peek under a cap and see if you won. My cap said.. Sorry Try Again. And.. I will.
Friday, June 20, 2008
I was on the phone with my best friend the other day. She's seven months pregnant with her first child. So you can imagine the conversation we were having. I love picking her brain about her pregnancy because I've always been fascinated with pregnant women and the whole process of it. It's remarkable really and it so happens that my best friend of all time is going through it, and I can ask her anything I want without offending her! So I do - all the time!
I happen to be approaching a milestone of my own right now. Rob and I were informed last Sunday that our land lady is interested in selling the house that we're living in right now. Lucky for us, she asked if we'd like to purchase it privately first. So we've been going through the process of realtors in and out of the house all week. I know that Rob has been taking on most of the stress and he is about to shut down very soon. I feel bad that I haven't had to take on as much stress as him. But we live in a retirement community on the island and where we live it is very difficult for a young couple like ourselves to purchase anything in town. The house we hope to buy is on the main street in town and if there was to be any expanding, this would be the next street to start. So - the property could be worth a considerable amount more than it is now.
I was telling my girlfriend about it when I realized that we were both in the middle of doing some really important things in each of our lives. She's bringing a person into this world, which is HUGE. I'm getting my first ever mortgage with my sweetie. Mortgages, Babies and the only one left really is.. Marriage! Then she realized, my sister who is more like my best friend here is getting married this August. So we're all doing the three biggest things in our lives, just in different order! I thought it was quite the discovery and it just got me thinking.
My sister is happily engaged to her fiance' and they have yet to buy a home. But I know that they're really gearing up to do so. Once Rob and I do (hopefully- he's on the phone finalizing some things right now!) buy a house, we will be able to give my sister advice. My best friend already bought a home, so she's giving me advice and getting me really excited. My sister can give me advice about marriage when the time comes and once I am married I can give my words of wisdom to my best friend. It's so important to have contact with other women in our lives.
I had the day off and I never get weekdays off. So Rob wasn't home and I had the house to myself. I sat in the living room in my robe, drinking tea and I watched the movie, "Too Wong Foo Judy Newmar Thanks for Everything" It's a crazy title, but the movie is about three drag queens that go to a narrow minded small town and have a huge impact on the people in the small town. Wesley Snipes, John Leguizamo and Patrick Swayze play the drag queens. It's a very cute show and it has a really strong message. You need friends in your life. No matter who you're married to, or how busy you feel.. Other women are a need. I know that I feel really alive when I'm with a group of women. I think that's why people love Sex and the City so much because it's empowering to watch. It makes us all long for the same friendships if we already don't have them.
I have one best friend that lives in Alberta. She has been my rock for at least the last nine years. We were pals when we first met in grade two. We had play dates and later on when she moved into my neighbourhood we were always spending time together. But we didn't get really close until highschool. That's when we needed each other the most. She has been there for me for so many BIG DEALS in my life. I hate to say it, but I've had quite a few BIG DEALS in the last nine years! I can only hope that I have been as good to her.
My sister is my true best friend in the sense that she's always been there, literally. Always. Now that we live near one another again, we have rekindled our relationship and I see her at least three weekends in a month. I really cherish our time together because we have so much fun just by sitting beside each other while watching t.v. Nobody knows me better than my sister. So having her in my life is imperative to my very survival!
My mom is also very important in my life for obvious reasons. She's my mom. I'm a total mama's girl at heart. So I feel like I need to have her near me. Sadly she's moving to Alberta this summer. She dropped the bomb on me this morning, that she bought a house today. Wow. Rob had a good point when he said that it's upsetting that she's going to be gone. She definitely made us feel safer, knowing that she was just a ten minute drive away. She was our security if we were ever in a bind. But, that's why it's even more important for her to go. We need to let each other go because we've relied on each other for so long. She leans on me and I like knowing that while she's around I can lean on her. It's healthier for us to be apart, at least that's what I've been told. She'll still be there, just not as close by. Time to cut the chord !
We need our ladies in our lives. The friendships that I still have in my life are there to help me grow, to learn.. to be. So this is a tribute to the best of my best.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
I neglect to write... although I have the time to do so. I just choose not to. I'm not hiding. But I do feel like I need to put more of an effort into my writing. It's what I've always wanted to do. But something has been holding me back. I have a sneaking suspicion it's me. My insecurities, my lack in effort.
I find that in the last little while I've lost interest in doing a lot of things. I am not depressed, no. Today for example it was a beautiful January day. We woke late and I made a nice breakfast. After the dishes were dealt with I was thinking that a walk outside or a stroll through Cathedral Grove for some pictures would be pleasant. Rob had to stop at a music store first and we waited in front of a "Back in 5 Minutes" sign and all I wanted was to get back in the truck where it was comfortable and warm. My intentions are always good. Yet I never seem to follow through with my ideas. I don't like to be cold or uncomfortable. Call me picky.. I know I'm better in the warmer months. I do like to be outside when the weather is better. But I wish that I could be more like people that bundle themselves up to go for a day long hiking trip.
Another part of me just thinks... I am lost. I don't know who I am. Or... I do know who I am and for some reason it isn't good enough for my personal standards. Or.. I'm not trying hard enough to be a better person. What I do know is that I'm confused. I am quite content with staying in doors reading a favourite book. I'm even more content with having a bottle of wine with a friend in the comfort of a home on the weekend. By friend I mean sister or cousin. I don't have too many friends out here still. Again I think that has to do with my lack in effort.
My days have been filled with work and later on - spending time with Rob watching our favourite t.v shows. We sound 80.. But it's what we like to do during the winter months. We kind of hibernate on the weekdays. On weekends we either have my sister and her fiance' over... or we go to Victoria and visit them. On more rare occasions we spend time with my cousin and her fiance'. But really- that has been enough these days.
I've been reading more than ever lately. I probably go through three or four books in a month. We just bought a sturdy, handsome book case. I'm really proud of it. I've always wanted one for all of my treasured books. Each time I finish a book, I put it back in it's proper place and study the rest of the shelves for a new story. Rob and I went to a used bookstore that we discovered beside the music store today. I bought three books and we were rewarded with two more for free. It was fun looking at old books and it's something that I'd like to do again. That actually got me excited. I feel limited with things that I like to do. So this was one more thing to add to the list.
I haven't been up to too much. But I'm okay with that. Winter will be over soon and the months leading up to summer time will be very busy. I'll look back in August wishing I was here in January contently reading my used books in front of my personal, little library.