Thursday, January 14, 2016

You're Still Here

 It seems like it's been a long time since I've felt you near. I know that I can't just ask for you and you'll be here. It doesn't really work that way, does it..

 It would be a lie to say that I think of you everyday because there are days when I don't. But there are many, many days that you cross my thoughts and it could be the tiniest thing. It could be as simple as making Alina porridge in the morning to working up a sweat in the gym. Your face flickers in my thoughts and I don't always think much more about it. I simply feel comforted knowing that you're still in my head and my heart.

 Tonight when I finished my work out, I walked past the dart board to go upstairs and even started to ascend the stairs. But something made me hesitate and I don't know if it was the spotlight that hit the board just so or the fact that I still play with your favourite set of darts.. But something made me turn around and take our darts out of the board and tossed one ... 7 and as I was throwing the second it occurred to me that I feel like I'm communicating with you somehow when I play. I feel closer to you somehow. I threw that second dart and as I wondered if I would ever throw significant numbers, the dart plunged into the 16. Before I could think too much into it, I tossed my third and final dart and hoped it would complete my little wish.. It was a bullseye and I started to laugh and choke up as I took two stairs at a time to the top. It's my birthday- July 16 and the bullseye was what I hoped to hit when I threw the third.

 You're still here. And you're still letting me know it. I'm still here and I still love you.