Saturday, October 26, 2013

The ABC's of Boobies

  Welcome to Booby Town- population ME! The rumour is that once you have kids your boobs go downhill, as in literally. I have never been a large busted girl. But I have always been a fan of my Twin B's. They've been perky and bouncy since I grew them in the summer of 2000. Well, I had boobs before then but they weren't anything to really brag about until that summer.
 I remember it well.. I was visiting my cousins in Lafayette, Louisiana and it was by far the best summer I have ever had- to date. I turned fifteen that summer and found that the boys were paying attention to me! I left a  scrawny, little girl and came back with curves and a pair of boob-ays. My parents probably gasped when they saw me get off of that plane. I had a nose piercing , hips, boobs, I was wearing makeup and new clothes.. (the kind that may or may not show off a little bit of cleavage.)

 I think it's obvious in the two photos that I changed during that summer. In the first picture, I look innocent and sweet. I'm wearing a plain, lilac coloured tank top that I bought specifically for my trip, with a bathing suit underneath. In the second picture I'm wearing makeup, my shirt is tight and there is some cleavage showing and even the smile on my face is a little bit cocky. In the first picture I am posing with my older cousin's best friend and in the second I have two 'older' boys sitting with me and the one boy that doesn't have his arm around me, (the boy that lived next door to my cousins that I had a huuuuuge crush on) is pinching my bum. (Maybe that's why I'm smiling so hard....) The point is that I changed that summer. I grew me some lady boobies and have had them ever since.

 The one thing that I love about my body without a question are my twins B's. They are were perky and my preferred kind of porridge. (Not too big, not too small; juuuuust right.) I've never complained about them and have always been quite content.

This is me the day after my wedding AKA- the best shape I've ever been in. My Twin B's looked their best that day too. And, yeah I wanted an excuse to show off how smokin' I looked!!!
 One summer day, in July of 2012 I was sitting across from my husband and he was like, "Wow.. your boobs look HUGE today." I was sitting on a patio and could see my reflection in the glass and I saw them for the first time and agreed. My girls had doubled in size. What the hell!!?? Fast forward two weekends later and bingo bango- we find out that we are pregnant. We're having a peanut and that's why my boobies were so big!

 During my pregnancy my belly grew, my appetite grew and my Twin B's were no longer considered B's but definitely C's... As I neared my 39th and final week of pregnancy those puppies were so engorged and huge that I was beginning to get a touch nervous. Alina arrived one gorgeous, sunny March morning and with her, came a whole different boob experience. Now, people are quick to tell you that your 'fun' days are over and that you can kiss sleep goodbye for the rest of your life because babies are hard work, blah, blah, blah. But one thing that people don't really warn the mother about; is how huge and foreign your boobs become to you. I'd like to take you on a ride.. to a place where nipples are always protected inside of soft, cushioned bras or satin material nightgowns. The nipples are just minding their own business, as the rest of the breast is growing enormous in size. They say to each other, " I don't know about you, but I feel like I've gotten bigger, as in my size all around has doubled?" To which the other nipple replies, "Yeah, you and me both and our colouring has changed too... Something's up and I don't like this feeling I'm getting.."
 Well, the poor nipples don't see it coming. Baby arrives and out comes the boobs along with the nipples in public and there is this needy, gnawing, wet mouth suctioning onto the frightened little gals.. Once the ordeal is over, the nipples feel relief. But sadly, it is not the end for them. Oh no, this awful gnawing happens often, very often, nearly every three hours sometimes more! It doesn't help that the creature sucking away and her mother have no idea what they are doing at first. So, things get pretty rough for the nipples.. Lanolin is applied to heal the damage that has already been done in the first three days. The owner of the Twin D's at this point, is crying because it is all too painful and she is just about ready to call it quits..

I'm sure my mom's intentions were to capture Alina but I mean LOOK at those BOOBS! This would be the same time that we were having most difficulty.. (Alina's about 3 days old.)
 Then, something wonderful happens, mother and baby learn around the same time how it is all supposed to work and there is relief on the nipples.. The boobs aren't as engorged if they are pumped and the nipples are much less tender now that they are used to this sort of daily treatment.
 Today, all is right in the world of boobs and nipples. Alina is still breastfed, but not as often as she used to be. She can go for four hours without having to latch on desperately for food. Today marks the first day that I put on a REAL bra again. That's right, a bra that is for a woman that doesn't have to breastfeed, a bra that teenage boys hope to snap off with a couple of fingers, a bra that gives my now Twin C's a bit of a lift!  I still have my nursing bras for at night and for when Alina and I don't go anywhere, but as for today; today I'm just like everybody else.

Yeah, I took an all boob photo shoot .. and then yeah, I made a boob collage. It's my blog.. I'll put my boobs out there if I want to... Ha!
 So today, today is about celebrating Haley's boobs! Hurray to my boobs for being normal again! Hurray for not jiggling like crazy in public because their is literally zero support in a nursing bra. Hurray to me for having a sexy looking bra on today. Finally, I can claim my Twin C's back to their rightful owner. Well, Alina no longer gets them full time, just part time. It's a glorious, booby filled kind of day.


Noor said...

Ohh lady , you know muchos ;)
I don't know much but one of my aunt has weird boobs . She says it all in front ! Like she can't fit into ANY size . That's totes weird because they look huge and huger !

Amanda said...

This post cracked me up. and also is it creepy to say that your breasts look amazing?! And you looked HOT in that swimsuit pic!!!! So do you like C's better than B's? xx

Jade Wright said...

Hahaha what a brilliant post - come on share a little!!! I don't even NEED a bra I'm that tiny hahaha :(

Areeba said...

Lol I'm laughing so hard about your boobs story. Congratulations for your happiness today!

Brianna said...

CONGRATS girl! You're smokin'! And thanks for all of the useful information! I'm not a mommy yet {and hopefully won't be for a few more years}, but this is great 'raw' information! :)

Alex[andra] said...

This is something I've always thought about! I'm a B and I've always been a bit insecure about it. I was curious how things will turn out when I have a baby. Thanks for the insight. :)