I don't even know how I've found time to write this post. Christmas is a really busy time once the family is altogether. Then again my 26 year old sister woke me up nice and early by laying directly on top of me..and laughing? How do you not laugh at a situation like that? But I find myself awake and it is still early, on my first day off; Christmas Eve. The two of them are outside smoking, mother and daughter. So I decided to blog.
My sister brought her digital, the only thing I asked for for Christmas may I add..and found out two nights ago that I was not getting. My mom's short term is the pits, so she forgot that I had asked for anything. Bummer. But we were taking loads of pictures and they turned out to be quite hilarious. I believe they are going to be sent to me after the holidays because they can't get them on the computer .. I don't know how it works. I am a bit behind on the digital cameras these days.
Last night the wine was uncorked and plentiful, shared between myself..and myself. Well, I did salvage one glass to my sister, unwillingly. It is Christmas.
I find that I am still a bit excited about it even though I would now consider myself an adult. I look forward to tomorrow morning when we'll all be up and ripping open presents together. I have never had a Christmas with both Kyli and Joe, so this will be nice and different. It's really nice to see my brother in the house. It just makes it more home having all of us here. Rudi is here too I bet and very happy to see that we're not sobbing our heads off in depression and self pity. I haven't felt sad yet about Rudi since all this Christmas stuff started. I mean, since Rob's been gone I haven't really broken down like I usually do. Then again, I might be holding back until he returns to do so.. I have NO IDEA how my little warped mind works.
There is a retarded amount of presents around here. Kyli and Joe brought three huge boxes worth of presents sent from Joe's family in Nova Scotia. How intense is that?? But it makes the Christmas an even bigger one. And I think it makes mom a little envious...and insecure about the presents she's bought them. But oh well..Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the added stress of wonder and self doubt.
I know that blog land won't be very busy at this time of year, and if it was I'd truly think I'd be sad about that. If I was getting my digital I'd be documenting tons of pictures each day, but unfortunately the short term memory wins again.. Short term .. you suck.
Merry Christmas Everybody and I'm shooting for happier days to come this year..
I just returned from my first cookie party. I am impressed with the idea of such an event. I mean, how brilliant of a woman... make a few batches of cookies and invite others to do the same and to bring them..get together, socialize, drink, eat your faces off... and leave with all of your holiday baking. It's quite the clever, little idea. So cudos to whoever thought of that.
My first impression when I walked into the house was.."you're okay, you can do this.." and then when I walked upstairs to see.. No one that I recognized I was more like, "ahhh, run before anyone sees you!" But, I made it through the first forty minutes. Those minutes were a bit slow with getting other people to talk, or getting myself going. But after awhile, and only one 'special' coffee later, I was telling stories about hiking, Alberta, my license? my love for chips and not cookies (oops..hehe) and how much I am loving the island life. So it was all good in the end.
Rob's aunty and cousin were the ones holding the party and I felt that it was important for me to go, just to show them that I am comfortable enough to go and to let them get to know me a little bit better. Things like this are important and I know how important these relatives are to Rob, seeing as they are the only ones here on the island AND because he does love these ones very much. I was also invited along with my mom, so as to get her butt out on the social scene. But she must not be ready for that just yet. She should've gone because she may have met a few ladies that she could've gotten along with. But to be honest, the one that she would've liked the best would most likely be Rob's aunty anyway. So at least I know she didn't really miss out on a new friendship opportunity. I know that my mom will meet Aunty L. sooner or later.
I also felt like this was something I had to do... wanted to do because Rob's really important to me and I know he is really glad that I went and did this. The fact that he's not even here makes it an even bigger deal. It shows that he didn't have to kick my ass out the door in order for me to show up, because he's all the way across Canada.
I am doing much better than I thought I was doing, not having Rob here and dealing with Christmas. I've mentioned before that this is the best week for him to be away because it is the busiest week for me. My brother and sister will be arriving hopefully on the evening of the 23rd. I am very excited for their arrival because then it will truly feel like Christmas is here.
Rob mentioned to me tonight that we have one week apart and then he'll be home. I am glad that it's only one week but it also discouraged me. It feels like he's been gone for days..when really he left on... Sunday? It's almost like when you start a shift at work...and your two hours into it..and your co-worker says, "Wow you've only been here for two hours..you still have.. six more to go.." Ugghh, it's like.. Noooo I haven't checked the clock yet, and then after that you can't seem to keep your eyes off of it. That' s sorta how I felt tonight when he told me that. But that's okay.
He seems to be pleased with me from the stories he's been telling his family. This makes me happy, knowing that he's proud enough to talk about me lots to family and friends. It actually makes me REALLY, REALLY, REALLY happy.
Aunty L. called me sweetie and told me that she just loves me when I left tonight. There, the cookie party was worth it.. for that. I even stashed a present under their tree with a card to the whole family, even Nibs the dog.. and she didn't see it. So that will be a nice surprise for all of them. Plus! She loved me before the nice "fruits and passions" products that I bought them.. Hehe. I am so pleased that she Loves me and thinks I'm a sweetie. We even made plans to get together later in the week to do some..ahem (can't tell, Rob might read..) .. and drink some wine with a few girls. She said she'd love to join, so I'm gonna invite her no questions asked. She was only getting started tonight, but she looks like she could be a lot of fun.
Sooo, in conclusion, the night was great. I did this to meet new people, which I did. Get to know Rob's family better.. which I did. To get an assortment of cookies, which I did. AND to show Rob how much he means to me, which I think I did.
Today was the day that I took Rob to the airport and sent his tiny little bum back to his mama. I am sure she is quite thrilled, no, actually I know she is just overwhelmed with excitement with having her "golden boy" home. I am sure his sister is happy too, but is also rolling her eyes with all the attention that goes to golden boy when he returns. Believe me, there's a golden boy in my family and watch out... nobody messes with him according to mom.
I kind of lost my cool saying goodbye. But not only because I am a sappy wuss that is actually going to miss him but because of other reasons as well. First off, it was early.. so that means that I am tired, and that makes my mood... sad? Haha, okay okay I miss him because I really care about him. Secondly, this Christmas is going to be tough and I know that I have to face it all alone, even though my family is going to be here with me. My brother and sister don't arrive until Christmas Eve and leave on Boxing Day so... no offense to them..they're barely going to be here. For my third reason... I have my monthly encounter..which means I am Emotion Central, with every little thing making me tear up. So having my boyfriend go away for a tougher Christmas and have to worry about finding my way home in the dark, help with the tear flowage. And I think my main reason for being soooo sad is because part of me, a very stupid part of me in the back of my mind, thinks he will not come back. Even though I know he has to...all his stuff is here. But with the last one, he left me.. To be honest I think that wound is still a bit fresh and the situation is a bit similiar..but I know in my heart he'll return because he is nothing like the last. The idea just freaks me out a bit.
But enough about my sappy self, even though that is really all that is up lately. Christmas is here everybody, can you believe it? I can't. It crept up so quickly. It's only one week away and I still have just a little bit of shopping to do. And it's the most important because it's for Rob. We are doing our Christmas afterwards. Hello Boxing Day Sales! Though I'm not one for shopping on that particular day, but I might just have to make that sacrifice.
Here's to Christmas to come, cookies to burn for my cookie party coming and to staying positive this holiday time! WoopdeeWoo!
WoopdeeWoo? That one, I am not sure how to explain..it just came out. The legend..well that's a long story.. that only the golden boy knows how to truly tell..
Rob and I decided last Sunday or so to go for a hike. It was quite the work out for this ..untrained little body. Well, the sad thing was .. was that I had been swimming and running and was having a hard time breathing, while Rob is behind me..smoking as he's climbing up the mountain. He held his own embarrassingly well, compared to me. Haha, no we both did really great.
See we do these things together and I can't help but smile when I think back to it. I am proud in this relationship. I don't know if I've ever felt so proud in any relationship, well at least not this much. I am proud of who I am. My working up to feeling.. better about myself is helping as well. Rob isn't shy about telling me that I am doing well. Which is a great feeling. I enjoy him so much.
Last night we decorated the Christmas tree and he kept me focused on the task at hand. As well as the fact that I seem to automatically numb myself in these kinds of situations. Decorating the Christmas tree was always a big thing in our home. Kyli bought mom and Rudi ornaments that reminded her of them. Popeye, Big Bears ..etc. So naturally seeing all of these ornaments and knowing that Rob or I had to put them on and not Rudi, was tough. But I held on throughout it. .... until I returned to Rob's house. I snuck off to the bathroom when Rob was on the phone and BAWLED. Again.
But like I said, this guy is amazing and stepped up to the plate.. that was abandoned... and he took care of me. I love it when he does that. It makes me feel so much better. He holds me ... and holds me tight while my entire body vibrates with sorrow. I love that.
I know that I'll be okay without him this Christmas. I realize that it is going to be tough. But I think I can handle just about anything these days.. And No God, that is not a challenge..
I realize that I am a day late. But the important thing is that I still remembered the day of..
December 08, 1980 John Lennon was shot outside of his New York apartement by David Michael Chapman. Sad news, I am sure for most. I sure was sad about it even though John and I were never on this earth..at the same time..
Okay okay..I realise I sound nuts, but ... I really like him. I watched a lot of specials on John, and I was interested in the Beatles when I was younger. I will admit because I was copying everything the older siblings liked. But, not only did I like the Beatles, I found I had a special interest in John Lennon. He was just interesting.. he stuck out from the rest.
Of course he wasn't the typical lead singer in the sense that he wasn't the "cute one". McCartney was. Lennon was the ... different one. He was just an interesting person and I will continue to read about him and I am sure learn a whole lot more.
It is strange that a person has been dead for more than my very existence. I was thinking about that yesterday. How the hell can that even be imagined? I mean, everyone knows that the world was around before we were...but it's just a difficult thought to process.
Last night Rob, Alex and I paid a little tribute to Mr. Lennon.. We smoked in his respect and.. then later Rob and I listened to his cd laying in bed. I was skimming through some of his songs, because MAN Yoko sucks at singing...and he unfortunately has her in some of his songs. By the way, I refuse to even discuss my thoughts on her. I don't want to express them in this here..tribute. So yes, respect was granted for him yesterday, which I felt was important even if I am one little fan..
The guy is a legend again, Rob and I discussed this.. Was he a legend because he died? I personally think that being killed or dieing early on..is the best thing that could happen to a rock star's image. Sounds sick, but it's true. A person is so much more ... treasured, respected...once he is dead. And..in this society..we always want what we can't have.
The reason why I am so pleased with my fondness for Lennon, is the fact that not a lot of people LOVE Lennon. Well, at least not in my age group. Our age group's legend is Kurt Cobain, really. Which I don't know tons about..but am getting informed every other day .. by Rob. I am enlightening him on John. And I am getting to know Kurt a little better myself.
"Rob, this is my friend John. You may have heard of the band he was in.. He went solo though..you may have heard of some of his work.."
"Oh that's nice Haley. This is my friend Kurt. He invented grunge music..some people make a big fuss over him..."
If we were as cool as we thought...we'd be pretty fuckin' cool.
Jack Johnson. He's good. His music is a head bobber, a toe tapper. He relaxes me when I listen to him. If ever feeling anxious, I suggest a good Johnson song to bring you up.
Life lately, is turning into routine, which is nice in a not so new place anymore.. Apparently I live here now. Hehe, I like saying that.
I'm living my own life now. Doing what I need to do, for me. Selfish? Not so much. I look forward to the future. I think my car troubles are going to fixed..after this winter! Then I will be able to take myself wherever I feel whenever I want..night or day.. I love the idea of that. Freedom, true freedom.
I am getting Sundays off now, which is BEAUTIFUL! I want to do more active things on Sundays. I went hiking with Rob yesterday, which I must say was challenging. For a guy that doesn't do anything, he's in fairly good shape. Considering I have been swimming and running for a month now, and he was doing just fine.. Bugger. Some guys are just lucky like that. I can carry him on my back..that's how small he is. Haha..I mean light. He's not scrawny though..which is plenty nice to look at.
After I do anything, like running or swimming, I feel so energized, in control of my body. I am at 140 lbs..and I want to be able to turn the fat .. into muscle..definition. I don't just want to feel good, I want people to see what I've been trying to do... Let them see my reward.
I look forward to my life.. because my future has never been so unknown before.. I have no idea where I'm going to be in one year.. No idea what friends I will have.. where I'll be working and living. I love that. Apparently I've turned a little spontaneous.