1950/02/07

This would be Rudi about fifty three years ago. He was still living in Germany, shy four years of deporting to Canada on a big ass ship. Mom decided just to check out his birthday horoscope today... he would've been fifty six. And that write up is what she found. We thought that it was quite powerful...


Today is a tough day as we have a few more to re live and then, that is it for another year. I hear that each year it gets a little bit easier than the last. I also hear and feel that this year is the hardest and worst of them all. Now I have been told that we will truly grieve because we fully believe now, that he is gone. My mom phoned Rudi's mom today, and I knew that she would not be kind. Mom and Grandma have never seen eye to eye. Grandma is extremely head strong and somewhat cruel. Some German traits I guess she couldn't shake when coming over. So she wasn't very kind on the phone which made mom cry harder. The sick thing is that I knew that this would happen but I also knew mom wouldn't be satisfied until she phoned. She thought that she was doing the right thing and in a sense YES completely. But Grandma didn't see it that way and totally cut her off. Oh well..mom tried.

I haven't really spoken outloud to Rudi since he died. But recently when Rob drove me to the ocean.. just to sit and sort my thoughts.. I talked to him then. Rob went out exploring because the tide was way out. I sat in the truck and told Rudi how I felt and asked for him to please give me some kind of ANYTHING to show that he's still around. There have been a couple of tiny signs that could be shaken off as coincedense and I am patiently waiting for my major one. I need it and hope that he comes through on my request.

February 7, 1950 Rudolf Michael Wirth was born in Zeven, Germany. As you can all see he is extremely adorable..in his little leiderhaasen smiling all sweet for the picture. I didn't even know they had cameras back then. Hehe, I am only kidding. That was a little dig that I had to do on this day making fun of how old Rudi was. He loooooved that. Haha.

Today is a special day in our lives. And it will always be.