Comfort and Joy

Christmas was okay. It was really great to see my brotehr especially. Lincoln had a good time too. Joe and Linc were like real brothers during the holidays. They were playing drinking games on the computer, laughing, drinking beers and shooting each other in the face with their toy dart guns. Not to mention filming it all on camera and feeding each other lines off of Forrest Gump. It was a Gump Christmas. TBS overplayed that movie over the holidays I think. I thought it was just awesome to see them get along so well but I couldn't help but think of Rob and how he was missing out on getting to know the boys. It just got to me especially on Christmas night. But no big deal.

Drinking. Drinking was something that started up as soon as the family got here. Perhaps to numb ourselves or to make the time pass so that Rob would get here sooner. Don't get me wrong I still had a great time with everybody. I got so loopy that I made Joe play "Grandpa" on his guitar as I sang along, very seriously. Haha.

So December 27th came and it was an anticipated date. Seeing Rob was almost surreal for a minute. First he looked like he did when I first met him, with short hair.. So I was shocked by how different he looked to me. Then actually having him there beside me like he had never left was just so unreal to me.

Our Christmas that evening was so much fun. We sat on a blanket on the living room floor, the gas fire place blazing and our hockey highlights blaring on the t.v and wripped open our presents. His empty house was finally a home again. We have been together since. And like our moms have both said to me; distance makes the heart grow fonder. Kim and Andrea know what they're talking about I think. Being together turned into something much more special since he'd been gone.

Now I find I'm getting lost in the features of his face. From his icy, cool blue eyes to the little gap in between his front teeth. These little things that I notice make me smile, the little details. I get lost in his every detail and this is an exciting feeling. Time really doesn't feel like it exists when I am spending it with him. As cliche' as that may sound.

Celebrating the New Year with him and his buddy Parker was really something else. Parker and I get along like we've always known each other. I can tell that this really pleases Rob. We have been all hanging out like room mates and this is the way that it should be. I'm really glad that it's working out.

To me 2006 represents my hopes and dreams. 2005 represents the end of Rudi's very existence in this world. I want so much for 2006 to be my year. To be a year that will always stand out when I look back on it. I want to be able to say, that this was the year that my life really started to pick up.

I am a sucker when it comes to relationships. I may have grown thorns around my heart but I always end up wanting so much to come out of my relationships. I put all of my eggs in one basket to later find out that I was hurt once again. So this year, I hope for it to be different from all of the rest.

But my feelings for this one are like no other I have had. So no matter what 2006 holds for me.. I have an inkling.. that it just might work out. At least that's what my heart is subtley whispering to me.