The Eye

Today is my mom's b'day. 49 years old. She is having a tough day for obvious reasons. And today marks the beginning of Rudi's sickness a year ago. It's a hard time because well.. it's like we're in the eye of a hurricane and we know it's going to be a whole lot harder very shortly. So it's kind of like a waiting game. I took the day off of work to spend time with her so that she could do whatever at the house and just hear me . She says that because she is home alone all of the time it is just nice to hear me in the house. Sounds sad, but it's the way it is now. Rob, his sister Erin and I are taking her out for an early dinner tonight. So I hope that I could make her day a little bit better considering the circumstances.

So having a blog means that I get to talk about me..so I will.. I am doing okay I guess. But it's the little things that trigger my sadness out of nowhere. I was in Nanaimo yesterday and the air smelt of bbq. I said to Erin..."oh don't you remember when you were little and you could smell the bbq and you'd get chips instead of a vegetable and some potato salad.. Ohhh I wish I could have a bbq with my parents again like when I was little.... " Then I thought about it...and I don't have parents to do that with anymore. I have my mom of course..but parents...doesn't even exist anymore. It was just a harsh reality. It's all sort of hitting me now. But I hold back a little bit before I get really upset. I get upset by myself.. well with Rob rather on our own time. I don't like to get upset other than that.

So Rob's sister Erin is living with us. I never questioned it for a second. She's great. I love her and she is just a ray of sunshine in that house. She's very sweet and I can tell we're going to get along just fine. She's not demanding, or a girly girl or any kind of work at all. You know when someone visits or is staying with you and they take up all of your time..well this girl is not like that. She is awesome. I couldn't be happier with my new roommate. And yes, that confirms it.. I am living with Rob now. I have not officially moved in with all of my things but my room is looking more and more bare as the weeks progress.

This is why I am not online as much and why I am not keeping up with my blog. I admit I truly do miss it too. But I am still writing in my journal so my thoughts are being documented...which is therapy for me. But I will be getting this computer as my own soon.. But I don't want to take it from mom just yet.

I have caught up on just about everyone out there bloggin'..and you all seem to be growing now more than ever. New jobs, new homes, your daughter is growing into a beautiful young woman, or growing out of old habits (binks).... saying good bye to people they've known all of their lives...or family members having to mend their broken hearts.. There are just so many emotions floating around blog land. Glad to be apart of it.