Say No To Junk

(Pissing my mom off on my b'day
at my gran's...)



















I am beginning to wonder how huge "blogging" is really becoming. There are all of these updates and new kinds of systems... The trouble is that I am attached to my blog and I fear I'll lose everything if I move on to greater, better blogging services. I was watching "Ellen" today. She was talking about blogs and interviewed a girl on her show about her "My Space". She said that over twenty thousand people have checked out her blog since she started two years ago. I am really beginning to wonder how many people actually flip through or read my blog that don't comment. I am sure I have a few regulars that don't like to comment, but rather just read what is going on in my world. But wow, I wonder ... Is my life interesting enough to check up on regularly? I'd have to say no...

I know that my life was more dramatic when I first moved over a year ago. I was undergoing many changes and feelings. But over a year later.. today; I fear that there really isn't that much to write about, that hasn't already been covered.

I have been worried about my body lately. I guess women in general probably stress a lot over these issues. The world has gotten a lot more cruel. Perhaps I was too young to have paid any attention to the media and celebrity magazines. But now it seems like everyone in Hollywood is dieting, excercising in at least two ways.... It's just unsettling really. I don't think that the world needs to be fat and lazy.. But I do think that there are more important issues to focus on, other than our weight or appearance in this world.

Everyday I criticize myself. I do. I look in the mirror and reject myself. How can this be sexy? Okay, put some clothes on me.. hide a few things and maybe, I can be sexier. But as I bare all, I really am forced to wonder what is appealing?? I am not looking for compliments.. I am just expressing my feelings for the passed.. LATELY.

I know that I could do a lot of things to improve my appearance. For one, I could stop smoking since I started up this June. I could try doing my 'at home exercises' like I did before the summer. I could buy a one piece bathing suit and hit the swimming pool that is literally two doors down from my front door. AND-- I know I could cut out some pretty stupid junk foods that I eat, all of the time. It's just so tough being skinny up until about 17 and then suddenly having to worry about all of this B.S. It is also easier to write and think about what I could do, rather than going out tomorrow and doing them.

I sometimes wish that I was just pregnant so that I would have an excuse, a real excuse for eating some of the bizarre foods I eat.

" Oh you mean, eating a breakfast bagel at 10pm isn't normal?? So I guess eating an entire bowl of popcorn is out as well???"

This is my vice. Junk food. I don't have a weight problem yet. But I fear soon enough I will, if I am not careful.