Wednesday, November 04, 2015

Tick Tick

 Currently I live my life as normal. This week I started running and using our elliptical machine first thing in the morning. I get Alina and myself ready for the day as I always do. I drop her off and head towards the pharmacy in my ordinary way. But the difference is that there is this tick, tick ticking faintly in my head. It was hardly there in September, in October it was faint but today, this month, this pressure is beginning to weigh me down. Two weeks until I get the results from PEBC, releasing my fate. Do I get to burst into tears with relief and excitement and a true sense of accomplishment for doing what I set out to do over a year ago? Or will I simply search and search for my PEBC number only to be left with nothing.. Like Jeff Probst from Survivor says to the losing tribe; "I've got nothing for you.." I imagine both scenarios in my head often. One makes me feel elated, too giddy and excited to let my mind go there. It's too good to be true. The other makes my heart beat quickly and I have to squash the sick feelings I get.

 Work is getting more interesting too. Meetings are being set up to discuss my possible new role as a regulated pharmacy technician. Yet, the meetings are set up for one week before I find out my results. The pressure builds as my role expands, as plans for the store are set into motion. The tick, tick goes from an irritating unknown, to a pounding, deliberate, taunting drum.

 TICK (Did) TICK (I) TICK (Pass?)

TICK (Was) TICK (It) TICK (Enough?)

TICK (Can) TICK (I) TICK (Pull) TICK (This)TICK (Off?) 

TICK (What) TICK (If) TICK (I) TICK (Didn't...) 

I am being patient because I have two weeks until I find out. I am not getting too worked up but check back with me next week and it could be a different story. 
 On a lighter note, Alina started at a public daycare this week. She's doing well, getting along with the ladies and engaging with the kids. I'm proud of her and feel that tear in my eye when I think of how big she's getting. I love my girl and even though I'm feeling the pressures of my results, all I have to do is think of her little face and I feel better, no matter what my fate.. I'll have her either way and that's pretty cool. 

We got her hair cut!

Taken last night, keeping baby warm in her shirt and pretty proud of herself.




Amanda said...

I'm sure you did wonderfully and have nothing to stress about at all. And Alina is looking so beautiful! xx

Heather @ Heathers Hurrah said...

I was thinking of you this week and wondering when you get your results. I hope you hear good news! Alina's haircut is SO sweet! She is looking so grown up!!!

Jade Wright said...

Ahh Hayls I am so glad Alina is enjoying daycare and making new friends. She really is such a cutie pie and it still amazes me just how much I've seen her grow up over the past few years!! Amazing right!?