My friend August

I am at the end of my work week and this is a relief. Again I think because it's summer time I am in a party mood. I also think that most people like to get their drunk on after a week of working hard. Every other day or so I check on Erin's MSN Space to see how she's doing in T.Bay She posts her pictures of whatever she's up to on it.

I find I am drawn to her life there and am curious to see how she's doing. I watch how happy she is with all of her friends and how much fun she's having. And all I want is to be there, with her. I want to be around that many girls my own age again. I haven't had a really great time like that with fellow ladies in over a year. I know that I am growing up and that is to be expected. But even when I look onto the other blogs I find the same thing. Of course not as frequent as Erin, as she is nineteen. But the fun is still there and more often than it is for me.

Am I jealous? No. Maybe a little. But not in a negative way... if that's even possible. I just really want to have fun like that again. I find it nearly impossible here. I wonder why. I know that Rob holds me back a bit when it comes to going out because he doesn't have much fun with the girls that I hang out with. His options are fairly low... when it comes to friends for him. But I can't help but think that he is also quite picky when it comes to him choosing new friends. I wish I could just tell him, "Honey, you'll never meet guys like your buddies back home..But there are more out there!" Another thing that holds me back is responsibility. To go off on a binge again would be highly expensive and shiiiiit I know I don't have it!

I don't know if it's Rob and Erin .. but they seem to have a shit load of friends. I always thought it was a guy thing. My brother always had a lot of friends since he was in grade school. My sister and I had a handful of friends that we really liked, but as the years go by we slowly lose touch with all of them but one or two. Guys just seem to be really good at keeping their buddies. It's the whole male/female differences when it comes to friends that I am sure everyone in the world is aware of. Women are dramatic and mean. Men are stupid and fun. It's that simple. Male friendships are kept simple. Women friendships are mainly complicated. That's the difference.

I wonder though when I look at Erin.. Her friendships certainly don't lack drama, but she has lots of friends. And she's still friends with all of them. I see all these girls in all of her pictures and I wish so badly that if I ever went back to Hinton I would have that many girls partying with me and lovin' on me. But the fact is... I wouldn't. When I went back to Hinton Carmelle cut our visit short because her boyfriend's birthday was the next day. Maybe if she realized that we wouldn't see each other for a long time, that she would've stayed for me. Oh well. Another friend had an opportunity to come and didn't because she ... didn't give a shit and I guess she never really did. I mean..her and I were friends but it was a bullshit friendship full of betrayal and deceit... LOL SEEEEEE!!!! I just went off topic completely because my friendships were complicated!!

I am not negatively jealous of Baby J. I just wish that I could have as many good friends as she. But I guess this is my opportunity to build on the ones I have. Though I always say I am going to and never do. I also look at it this way... If Rob and Erin have loads of friends, then I can come and visit in the summer like I am.. and become their friends too.

Seeing all the friends that Erin has does get me really excited for meeting all of them. I bet I'll have a blast in T.Bay. Rob has a lot of people for me to meet so I can't help but be bubbling with anticipation and excitement. I can honestly say that I would rather go there than Hinton anyday. These people look like so much fun.

Even though I get a sort of hollow feeling when I look at the pics, I still feel a tickle of excitement too. So it evens out which means... I can't wait for August!!!