To Be 16

 I know a couple of young ladies that are turning sixteen today. It inspired me to think back to when I was sixteen..

 I remember thinking that I was so grown up and really, I wasn't even close. Like a lot of teenagers, I lived with the deception that I knew it all. I was a good teenager, but I did have a serious attitude problem. I think that was because I was the youngest in my family and I thought that I could get away with it. Sadly, I did get away with it too. My sister struggled with me a lot when I was sixteen because my curfew was way later than hers ever was. I had a serious boyfriend at the time and I pulled some pretty dumb moves. For example, we would be out at a party and I would lie to my parents and say that I didn't have a ride home, and that I had no other choice but to crash at my boyfriend's house overnight. I still remember when his mom came downstairs and saw me sleeping in the basement on the floor with him, she nearly clawed her son's eyes out. She was mad and now, I don't blame her. If Alina tried to pull that crap I don't think we would be as understanding as my parents. Looking back now, I don't know who I thought I was..!! I understand why Kyli would get so mad at me and mom!

 I remember on my sixteenth birthday, Kyli bought me a Pokemon cake. She chose a Pokemon theme as a joke, to embarrass me, but in a funny sort of way. When Kyli turned sixteen my folks bought her a four pack of coolers. It was their way of introducing us to alcohol because they knew that we were going to be going to parties and drinking anyway. So when my brother, Lincoln turned sixteen he got a six pack of beer.. and on my sixteenth birthday Lincoln presented me with my first four pack of coolers. It's funny, now that I'm a parent I'm not sure that I would introduce alcohol to my children at the ripe age of sixteen. But I do understand what they were doing. They were giving us the responsibility to take care of ourselves when we went out. They wanted us to know that they knew what we were doing when we went out and that it was okay, as long as we were being responsible. Now, having said that.. unfortunately there were many, many,many times that I was just the opposite of that. But I can also admit because my parents were okay with me going out, I didn't feel the need to go crazy..

A polaroid I found of Kyli and I when I was 16..

 This is a wee bit off topic but Rob grew up with a girl and her parents were really strict. She was not allowed out for very long. They didn't trust her and would check up on her to make sure she was always where she said she was going to be. She ended up rebelling against her parents as soon as she had the chance. She drank a lot and partied too much and to this day, nearing thirty years old she continues to make really poor decisions. So I can confidently say that sheltering your kids isn't always the best approach either. I think it's all about a healthy balance.

 My birthday is in the summer time, so I always started a new year of school, a fresh, new age. When I was five, I went into kindergarden and cried every day for a week. So my mom and the kindergarden teacher decided together that I wasn't ready. I ended up staying home another year because of it. So I was always a year older than all of my friends. When I turned sixteen, I was going into grade ten. In grade nine I started hanging out with a 'cooler', more popular crowd of girls. I had a lot of fun with these girls and a lot of them are still my friends today. But I believe that if I hadn't met them I would probably have an education. I would have studied harder and my priorities would have been focused on my studies and not my social life. I don't blame my friends for anything. I love my girlfriends. But I have to admit that I was good in school until I met them and started going out and partying with them. I started dating a guy that was two years older than me. Meeting him really turned me into a monster for awhile. We were just young and "in love" and my attitude sucked towards my parents after meeting him. That was most certainly mistake #2.. I wasted a lot of my teen life on that boy. Fighting, crying and worrying... I truly understand why parents do not want us dating at a young age. WE CAN'T HANDLE IT! That's it. We are not equipped to properly handle the feelings we are feeling.. I was unable to make good decisions for the relationship because my priorities were so screwed up. Plus, we were always at parties on the weekends getting drunk.

In Grade 12 I made a picture story book of every year of my life.. This is a page from Year 16..

  As an adult, I know that when I drink too much I get pretty difficult. I get argumentative and unreasonable. In the beginning of our relationship Rob and I used to get into arguments when we both drank heavily and we came to the conclusion to just not drink as often. It's not good for the relationship.. Period.

 So when I was a teenager, I didn't care about reason. I wanted to have fun, because I was young and someone was having a keg party in honour of someone's birthday! So I would drink and then my boyfriend would drink and then that was always a remedy for disaster. We would fight.. I remember throwing a full drink at my boyfriend's face. I mean, I would NEVER do something like that now!! Never ever.

 Knowing what I know now.. I wish I could go back in time and give my sixteen year old self some sound advice..

 Haley's Helpful Hints To Turning 16:

//1  Try not to think that you know more than your parents.. because you simply don't. They've been around the block a few more times than you. Try to understand why they are hard on you at this age. It really is for your own good.

//2  Don't get involved in any serious relationships. Being a teenager is about enjoying friendships and learning about who you are. Growing up is hard enough without a guy getting in the way and complicating everything!!

//3  Don't take yourself too seriously. Do remember to have some fun because this is the time for a bit of irresponsibility.. It's the time for making a few mistakes because you are young!!

 //4  Expect it to be hard. Going from a girl to a woman isn't easy. There is so much to learn, so much to feel.. Your hormones are buzzing around like crazy. You are up, you are down. Just enjoy the bumpy ride for what it is.. Take it all in and learn from all of the ups and downs you experience. 

//5  Enjoy it. It goes by so, so fast. Enjoy sleeping in and eating your mom's cooking. If you have a job, enjoy your money. Money that is for you and only you to spend on .. YOU!

16 Year Old Me.

 

Tag- You're It!

 Amanda tagged me in her post today! So basically I answer six questions and the blog world will learn a wee bit more about me..! 

Yes, this is a picture of me as a hotdog with cartoon hands. That is all.

Six Things You Should Know About Me  

1. What's something that you love about yourself?

  I take pride in my honesty. I have a really hard time telling a lie. I hate it when I'm put in a situation where I have to go along with a lie because I am SO bad at it. Anyone, even people that don't know me very well know when I'm lying. My face turns red with embarrassment for some reason and I stumble on my words as well. It's pretty entertaining, actually. 
 Rob and I have such a solid relationship and marriage because of our honesty and communication. I also want to be clear, that I'm not mean about my honesty. I really dislike it when something hurtful is said and the person saying it simply says, "I was just being honest..." That's not nice and I don't do that. Since I'm on a roll about what I love about myself, I will also add that with honesty I am nice. I know that being nice can be a bad thing. But I am a firm believer in making people feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations. I don't see why people can't be friendly.. It's not that hard and it really goes a long way!

2. What is one thing in life that you're struggling to overcome?

 I struggle with my mom. I love her very much. But, she has had a back disability since I was thirteen or fourteen. Ever since then, it has always been about her. She has had a bumpy ride but so have I. I feel like I have to take care of her and I feel like I have been for many years. At this point in my life, I have other priorities and I am finished with taking care of someone that is more than capable of taking care of herself. I am hesitant to even write about her on here, because of the slim chance that she'll read this or someone she'll know will. I have guilt. I feel guilty for how I feel. I don't want to hurt her, but it doesn't take much to hurt her feelings. She's emotional and frail. But at the same time, she's a verbal bully and she can be very mean spirited. She has turned sour and negative in the last couple of years and it's really been frustrating. I love my mom, but I can't take the negativity anymore. So I'm having a really hard time, trying to let all of that go... I've always been there for her. But, enough is enough. 
  
 3. You get to meet any blogger in person- who would it be and why?

I would love to meet Amanda in person because I feel like we have quite a few things in common. She cooks incredible dishes that I always drool over and I have been trying to replicate them. So far, the food has been really amazing. I also like that she has an inner child inside and she's not afraid to let her out. She looks like a lot of fun and I think getting to know someone that is fun is always a bonus. Plus, it would be really neat to meet her on her turf because then she could give me a personal tour of all of the beauty that she gets to see daily in the UK. 

Amanda, having fun.

  I would also love to meet Jade because she is a free spirit that loves living and meeting new people. I think she would inspire me to want to explore the world more and she would bring out the free spirit in me! She also looks like a lot of fun and I would really enjoy spending time exploring her turf in South Africa. (I know that wasn't part of the question.. but why not go to the international bloggers and get a trip out of it?! It's my fantasy right!?)

4. What's something you've never mentioned on your blog, but feel like your readers should know?..

I'm reluctant to share.. But I'm married to a cannibal. There, I said it.

I mean, I do that every time he eats a hotdog.. You would think he would stop.......

 5.  You get a chance to go back to university (or start again), would you change what you studied? Why?

Well, this one is a no brainer. I didn't go to school. I want to blame my circumstances on not going.. My step dad passed away when I was nineteen and then I ended up moving out to the island with my mom. Then, I met Rob.. and again, the rest is history. But I didn't have any solid plans to go to school after I graduated anyway. I regret that a little. I wouldn't have met my hubby if I was in school and who knows how different my life would be today, if I did. But if I could start over.. and go to school, I would definitely! I told Rob that I would love to study psychology. I always enjoy listening to people's problems and then giving advice afterwards. I mean, yes I realize that there is much,much more to psychology than that. But it has always fascinated me. But, if I couldn't do that I would like to take care of kids.. I would either become a teacher of elementary school students or else be a daycare teacher. I love kids and I think it would be a very fulfilling job that I would enjoy. OR- if we're talking BIG DREAMS- I would just finally sit down and write that "best selling" book I have always dreamed about writing....! 

My book- I won a contest and was published. But now I want MORE! 

Pregnant me with my book.

 (That could actually be my serious answer to #4. I wrote a story and I was the winner of the contest I entered. My story was published, along with ten others. My story was the title of the book..!!) 

6. What motivates and inspires you in life?

 As of lately; my little girl inspires me in life. I feel like she is going to look up to me when she's a bit older and I will have to be the best that I can be. The best I've ever been, so that she grows up to be her best. I am motivated by my husband Rob. He is always thriving to do more in life. I feel like if he climbed the top of a mountain, he would be at the top, take a few pictures and be ready to get down and climb another, bigger one. He is just always pushing me to do more. He challenges me to want more... Without him behind me, encouraging me - I'm not sure if I would have accomplished all that I have. I absolutely adore him and Alina. So how fitting for my biggest inspiration and motivator to be the two loves of my life!

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 So, thanks Amanda for tagging me in your post today. I was happy to play along and answer some questions. Now Blogland knows me that much more!

The Golden Days to Come

2 DAYS!!

 My sister Kyli and her fam-dam-ilee is going to be here on the island in... two days!!!! I can't even begin to express the feelings I have. I am beyond excited for sooo many reasons. But for FUN- I think I will list them...


//1   Kyli and I have always been close, ever since I can remember. Of course there was a time during her pre-teens going into her teen years where she didn't want too much to do with me. We always shared a bedroom and her privacy didn't really exist and during those times in her adolescence she really should have had more of it. I understand why she would be a bit snappy towards me then. But those times didn't last forever. She was always there for me, as a baby and a little girl. When I was a teenager, Kyli was there to listen to my complaints and insecurities. She was a good big sister. Kyli moved out of the house when I was eighteen or nineteen. Her and Joe moved to the island to live in beautiful Victoria. Our bond was big then and when she left I was pretty crushed. I ended up moving only hours away a couple of years later and again, we were reunited. Those were our "golden years." Rob was introduced to Ky and Joe and .. the rest is history. Instant best friends; all of us. They moved again three years ago, to Nova Scotia. That was a big blow for Rob and I.  But, things happen for a reason and three years later- we get ten amazing days to spend with our best friends.

She always played with my hair.

Ky proudly gave me a make-over..!

Right after she gave birth to her first child, my first nephew and the first grand-baby.

The one time we got a picture of all of us, after all of those years..!

//2   Like I mentioned earlier- Kyli gave birth to our very first baby- first grandson and nephew to our family! Quinn was born May 29, 2009 in Victoria to two very proud parents and to a very excited auntie and uncle. We were thrilled when Quinn entered our lives. We spent even more time with the Stewarts when he was born. We couldn't keep away from the little guy. He filled our weekends with so much purpose and joy. We saw him sit up and crawl and eventually walk. Every visit was so exciting because we got to see our little buddy again. He was the ring bearer at our wedding and we missed him so much when he first moved away.

The day we met Mr. Quinn..

The last week with Quinn before the big move..

Getting as many hugs as we could!

That's the not-so-little guy these days. SIGH- they grow so fast!

 //3   The Stewart's moved in July, 2010. Miss Sophie was born on March 21, 2012... I was the first person Kyli phoned after she gave birth. It was a very emotional time for all of us. We were there for Quinn's birth and not being there for Sophie's was really hard on us. Ky gave Sophie my middle name and I have never been so proud in all of my life. I was touched that she took my name for her daughter's.. So even though Sophie and I haven't met, we already have that to share. I was obsessed with Ky and Joe's facebook pages waiting for new pictures of Sophie to surface..!! I saved every picture ever texted to me of her and I also saved a lot from facebook. I feel like I know Sophie even though we haven't met yet.. I loved her as soon as I knew she existed and I seriously CAN'T WAIT until Wednesday evening when I finally, finally get to hold her in my arms!!

Early on in Sophie's life- my fav. picture..

This is Miss Sophie now.. the most recent picture I've seen.

//4   Alina Bo Bina Banana Fana Fo Fina!! Of course you didn't think I'd leave Little Miss A. out of a list of anything on my blog now did you!? I am stupidly excited for Kyli, Joe, Quinn and Sophie to all meet our baby girl! Again, it was sad not having Kyli there when I gave birth to Alina. But at the same time, I think it was more difficult for Ky. It was the first time she experienced becoming an auntie and she didn't get to be there for the big day, the big unveiling of who Peanut was!! (*Peanut was what we called Alina when she was still a mystery in my tummy.*) It was hard on Ky not being able to see my pregnant and not being able to rub my stomach.. So in two days- my sister finally gets to snuggle my little baby girl for the first time ever!! Our buds that saw how much we adored their little guy get to see us as parents for the first time too..!

The first pregnancy photo I took on my phone..

The last pregnancy photo I took on my phone..

The first picture on my cell of Alina..

I took this picture of Alina this morning..

//5   Finally, I anticipate and so look forward to all of the kids meeting each other! We've been waiting for what seems like forever, for these kids to all be together, as cousins for the first time. I love watching little ones interact with each other. I think it will be a special time for Kyli and I, to watch our little ones play like we did, so many years ago..!

The kids in a cart...

Alina in a cart... SOON- they'll all be shopping with their mommy's together!

 After having written out my list of reasons why I'm so pumped to see my sissy and her family again, I am even more excited!!
  While the Stewarts are here, Rob is going to take his holidays so that we can join in on anything that they get up to while they're here. I will try to keep up with blog posts, but I may be quite busy trying to re-live our golden years into golden days!

"Seriously Scared.."

 So last night, Rob and I stayed up pretty late. We both got into bed and I was on my Samsung Tablet looking at blogs as I usually do. We kiss goodnight and Rob rolls over to watch "Man VS. Wild" on his Blackberry Tablet to fall asleep, as usual. I'm laying there, reading away when I hear this odd sound coming from my right side.. where my night stand is. At first my heart flutters thinking that something was there, but my mind thinks better of it.. It gently reassures me; "No, no Haley.. How could there be anything there.. You are just being silly.. don't worry."
 As quickly as my heart began fluttering, it returns back to its normal beats in my chest. I continue reading, Rob oblivious is still watching Bear Grylls take on the wild. Minutes later, I hear it again.. This time my heart jumps and my mind isn't so sure.. "Wow! What was that Haley!? Okay, seriously that sounded a bit strange.. you should probably freak out a little bit now."
 So I tell Rob that I'm seriously scared, that I think there is something by my nightstand. I described that what I'm hearing is like a flapping noise; like a bat flapping its wings or a rat rustling around. Rob is obviously startled and leaps over to my rescue. Of course, none of this really makes any sense at all. How could there be 1. a bat in our room, seeing as when we went into our bedroom with the lights on we may have spotted it lurking in the corner. 2. a rat in our room, seeing as we have never had any kind of rodent problem in the past, ever. Yuck.
 Then, the lid to my water bottle drops a chunk of ice into the water below and it replicates that noise I was hearing.
 "Oh, " my mind says, "that makes a lot more sense Haley... It was just the ice melting in your water bottle.. not a rat or a bat. You are just crazy. Have fun convincing Rob you are not insane and paranoid."

THE water bottle..

  So yeah, after admitting to my husband that I am "Seriously scared.." I am feeling a wee bit ridiculous for having gotten all worked up over, yup- my water bottle. Of course, Rob laughs and says I am funny. I say, "Rob heeelp me.. I'm afraid of my water bottle!" making fun of myself, because really that is all that there is left to do.
 Rob says that I am afraid of my own shadow......................literally. He swears that there must have been a time in my life where I was doing something and then suddenly I look behind me and jump and scream... because my shadow is right.there. Now that sounds ridiculous, I know. BUT- to be honest.. he has many reasons to believe this of me. Rob and I have lived together for roughly eight years, in this house. I should be used to his presence by now. I should expect to see him from time to time in different rooms throughout the house. The house is pretty small too. So it's quite normal to see him. Yet, many, many, MANY times he walks into a room and I'll be looking down, when I look up I jump out of my skin and yelp. I can't count how many times he has scared me just by coming into a room or being in a room already and I wasn't expecting him. It's quite ridiculous really. I mean, come on now..! How hard is it to get used to someone else always being there? Apparently hard.
 Rob's attitude towards it is always lovingly making fun of me. He thinks it's hilarious that I am still jumping or screaming when I turn a corner and he's just there, existing, as he always does.
 Rob and I have this thing that we do.. to scare each other. Well, we haven't done it in ages, but we used to all of the time..
 We watched John C. Reilly on the Conan O'Brien Show one night and he talked about his relationship with his brother.  Apparently they used to jump out of places and scare each other but for some reason, and I don't recall why, they would yell "Halloween!!" every time they scared the other. So on many, MANY occasions Rob and I have both scared the other, camping out in a hiding spot for some time just waiting for the other to walk by oblivious, to scream, "HALLOWEEN!" Once, and I am not making this up, we both hid at the same time, and finally after awhile one of us yelled.... "Are you hiding..?" and the other responded, "Yeah... you too?" We were both hiding on each other at the same time. I believe he was in coat closet and I was hiding in the linen closet. Yeah, that pretty much sums up our goofy ass relationship.

 So yes, I was afraid of my water bottle last night- truly afraid at one point. Luckily I had my knight in shining armour to save me and then, rightfully so- make fun of me.

Happy To Be and Writing About It

I was inspired by Steph to join in her 32nd link-up called Insta-Gratitude Week..! She does one every Wednesday and today, I decided to join in on the fun!

 I feel grateful for most things people feel gratitude for; my family, my friends, what I've accomplished, who I have become. But, this link up focuses on the week before. So I will narrow it down to a few things..

//5  I am grateful for people that I don't know- that reach out and are kind. I have two lovely ladies that I haven't officially met through blogging.

Noor was the first person (besides myself) to follow me on Bloglovin'. She is one of those young ladies that just .. stands out among the rest. She is kind, so sweet and has encouraged me to write, write, write..! I really respect Noor and hope to keep in contact with her throughout our years of blogging.

*I started blogging eight years ago and I had a little group of ladies that I followed and followed me. I have since lost contact with ALL of them. I looked everywhere for them.. all of their blogs are abandoned. So I do hope to keep in contact with some of my newer acquaintances. I think it's a bit easier with all of the social media buzzing around though!!*

Areeba is another young lady that I admire. She was the first person to help me out by telling me that I was a "no-reply" blogger  and I really appreciated the tip! I need girls like her to keep me updated with Blogland these days. Like I mentioned, I joined up eight years ago and took a big break in between. She encouraged me to get back on Twitter and to start tweeting my blog updates. She is also like her twin sister; a sweetheart.

 I am grateful to these young girls for encouraging me and supporting my re-entry into Blogland. Without their support I'm not sure I would have stuck around and gotten involved with it!

//4  I am grateful for the milestones Alina hits every week!! Last week she ATE rice cereal for the first time ever!! It was so much fun scooping the little spoonfuls and shoveling them into her confused mouth..! Alina is a smiley, happy baby.. so of course she had a big grin on her face while I was pushing wet mush into her gaping smile. I could see the food pooling on her tongue and finally she realized what I was doing. She ended up with more on her bib and her face than in her tummy the first time. But since then, she has taken to it quite well. She gets pretty excited when she sees me mixing the milk and cereal powder together. She even opens her mouth for me to feed her, which to me, is sooo cute!! I feel like a little girl feeding her dolly. No seriously, I do. I take a lot of joy in feeding her every morning. I am looking forward to starting her on it twice a day. Yah for progress!

During the first feed..

After she had eaten.. All smiles!

//3  Alina not only learned how to eat last week, but she also learned how to roll over!! Rob just happened to be working in town that day. He came home for lunch and I put a blanket on the table so she could lay there while he ate. He always loves to be around her when he's home, so it was a win, win! She ended up rolling over with a tiny bit of a push from her eager dad. But after he showed her how to do it once, she was rolling over on her own, over and over again! We were so excited. Then, I realized that my days of leaving her to quickly run and do something were over. The very next morning I had her laying on her play mat. She has little toys that dangle over her that she can reach for. It's my way of getting to shower, while she plays for ten minutes. I placed her there and then went to grab a towel. When I returned, she was on her tummy! It just takes a wee bit of adjusting but we now have a new "mommy showers and baby plays" routine figured out!

Right after rolling over!! Yah!! I couldn't upload the video from my phone.. (I didn't know how!!)

 //2   This one is the gift that keeps on giving and giving. I am so grateful for where we live! Rob was born in Thunder Bay, Ontario and I was raised in Hinton, Alberta. Neither one of us is from British Columbia and we remember to thank our lucky stars on a regular basis for putting us here. We love Vancouver Island and now after eight years, consider it home! The beach is less than a five minute drive and there are lakes that we can camp at all around us..! Last week we visited the beach a few times and over the weekend we went on a little adventure to a lake we had never been to before..

Unlike her folks, Alina was born here. Can you tell? A real beach bum.

At the lake, getting into her bathing suit..

Getting ready to go for a dip in the water.

//1  This is another one of those.. gifts that keeps on giving..!! I am grateful for Rob's quirky, goofy sense of humour..! That man is always, and I mean ALWAYS making me laugh. It doesn't matter where we are, or what we're doing.. he is always doing something funny.

As you can see Alina is already used to her dad and his goofy ways..

Rob texted this picture to me last week. It read: "Obviously a shitty rescue place. All the dogs died."

 

 There it is everybody! Those are the top 5 things that I am grateful for last week!! I am also grateful for these link ups because they give me inspiration for new posts!! Thanks for having me.

Music Man

To say that my dad, Bernard Parenteau was an incredible musician would be an understatement. That man had some serious skills musically. He lived for music; to sing it, to write it, to play it. In fact I can honestly say that my dad was a better musician than a father and not actually feel badly about it anymore. He seriously loved it that much.
 After he passed, my siblings and I were in his garage going through some of his things. We came across his tape collection. He used to keep them in this goofy, eighties looking plastic briefcase. Inside were quite a few memorable albums; the soundtrack of our childhood. Copperhead Road, to name one.. Our parents split when I was under two years old. So a lot of my early memories of my dad are of us driving in his car. He would pick us up and take us to wherever he was living at the time.

  One tape was a mixed tape and it had songs from one of his old bands. I mean, his first band most likely. We tried to figure it out and I believe we decided that he was probably nineteen on the tape. Talk about young! My brother kept the tapes and I'm sure he listens to them all of the time. He's a big fan of music and really, really listening to it. Most phone calls I'm on the other end, listening to a song he wants me to hear. "And really listen to it Hay.. Really listen to this one part..."
 My dad has been in love with music since he was a kid. I don't think he was a very confident child and I have no idea what made him that way. He was the youngest boy of seven and his older brothers were tough on him, I think. I also think that his parents weren't in love and that there was a hardness in their household. A distance that never lifted. That he carried over in his own family life.. I think that music was his outlet. It was his way of expressing himself and not only did he love to do it, he was actually pretty damn good at it too.
 My dad played the hell out of the guitar. He also had an amazing voice. He was in numerous bands all throughout his life. He played the drums, the mandolin, electric guitar and bass and a banjo. I'm sure I'm forgetting an instrument here and there, but I think I'm painting the picture. He was talented.
 He has been gone for three years now and I feel badly in admitting that I don't think of him as often as I could or should. But when I do think of him it isn't with resentment or that sad sense of loss. Not the loss of him but the loss of us. What we didn't get to resolve while he was still here.
 I think of him and what he had missing in his own life. I think he was relatively happy because he was the kind of person who did what he wanted, always. He focused on his passion for music and not so much his children or working towards a career. Again, it has taken me years to get passed all of these facts but I am now at a point where I'm okay with it all.
 When I sat at his memorial service, surrounded by quite a few people that admired and respected him I was resentful. His church honoured my dad. The young kids in his church band looked up to him like a father. I resented that because he was supposed to be my father, not theirs. I should have been able to share all of those recent stories of the time when he did this.. or the time he did that.. But I couldn't. Our relationship was never like that..
 The point of my post today was supposed to be about music. Not about my relationship with my dad. That always seems to happen to me... I suppose I have much more healing to do than I would like to admit. Writing this post is proof of that and all of the feelings I am having. I wanted to share that my dad was a musical genius. I'm not even exaggerating and I don't even feel like explaining why. He just was. He was that great.. I think it's because it was what he lived for. The one constant in his life.. His guitar was always there for him. He didn't disappoint it when he couldn't play it for a few days... Being a musician wasn't expected of him.. He just was one.
 Music didn't happen to my dad.. My dad happened to music..

ME TOO!

I can never sleep! I mean, I go to bed at night and I wake up to Alina's hungry cries every three hours or so. I feed her in the arm chair in her nursery and then I return to bed. I fall asleep very easily and I realize I am lucky for that.

Hey.. that's MY spot!

 But when I say I never sleep it's because I never go to sleep when I should. Rob commented on that recently, that I should be super tired by the end of the day and I should want to go to sleep early because I am up a few times each night with the baby. Yet, I don't like to go to bed early. I like to stay up and watch shows, to read my book or my favourite blogs and then comment on all of them.
 When I have company come and visit I am always the very last person to go to bed. It doesn't matter if every one will be drinking and having a good time but one by one each person will slowly slip to their rooms. I am the last one up. We could be having a fairly chill night, watching movies and people will retire for the night. I am the last one, turning out the lights and locking the door.
 I'm not sure what it is that makes me this way. It could be that I'm the youngest of three. I always had the first bedtime, being the baby. I always resented that I had to go to bed first. I always tried to keep fairly quiet so that my mom wouldn't notice the time. Even if I got an extra ten minutes past my bedtime it was a small victory to me. My brother and sister always ratted me out too. Always. I had to be really careful with them because if I did something annoying, they would check the clock and happily yell that it was time for me to go to bed! Damn them!

I swear my sister and I are best friends today. She doesn't look too excited about me in this picture...

 I also know that I don't like to miss anything. Rob's folks were in town when Alina was born. They were staying at our house and every time that I had to leave the room to nurse her, I felt like I was missing out. I mean, they were never really doing anything all that special, yet I wanted to be there.
 It must be a combination of things.. Being the youngest is one. Having that urge to want to be around all the action, even if it's very little action is another. I think both reasons are related too. I have that "Me too!" mentality of a youngest.. Remember that Little Critter's book, "Me Too"? Yeah, I'm pretty sure Mercer Mayer wrote that book about me. He met my family and he observed us for an hour and then he wrote that book. It should be dedicated to Haley Parenteau Wirth (that was my long, hyphenated name at the time.)

Yeah, that's about right..

I know that all people with children told me while I was pregnant to sleep when the baby sleeps. But that is just unrealistic. I remember napping in the early days of Alina. But Rob would be home and he would take care of her while I caught up on rest. Once he returned to work I did try to sleep when she was napping, which was often, but the way she'd wake me up was always awful. Imagine waking from a dead sleep (because that's how hard I fall asleep) to an ear piercing scream. My heart would jump up my throat and I'd feel so anxious/annoyed all at once. I don't like waking that way, it's almost worst than not having enough sleep. Besides, after a few weeks I got used to the interrupted sleep at nighttime. I find that it doesn't bother me in the least bit. Alina does wake up some nights more than others. I am tired when I first wake up, but I have never been a napping sort of person. Again, I feel like I'll miss out on something and I always feel like I could be doing something else, instead of resting. I also have to mention, that Alina sleeps great. She goes to bed well now. She wakes up to eat and then goes right back to bed like a good little girl. I can't complain about sleepless nights and for that I am grateful!

Sleeping Beauty in the flesh.

 The only time that I wanted to sleep was when I was cooking Little Miss A. in my tummy for nine months. THEN I was tired all of the time and wishing for the zzzzzz's...

Rob took this one of me when I was nearing the end of my 8th month. I think we JUST woke up and I went to the couch and fell back asleep.

"Do You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?"

 Family Guy on t.v. had this one excerpt where Peter Griffin tells the world about "What Really Grinds My Gears" Then he'd basically bitch about a bunch of stuff. (Usually really funny..) Well I figured that today, I would do the same! I like to stay positive. If someone cuts Rob off on the highway he's usually yelling and saying that they're an idiot. I always, and I mean always stick up for the other person. It's like a fault of mine. It definitely probably drives Rob crazy. But I always say- you just never know what's going on inside that car. It could be a new driver that didn't mean to cut him off. Having Rob speed up behind him and shake his fists at him could be really stressful to a new driver.. Thus causing another incident on the road! It's an endless cycle people! 
 But back to my point; I dislike negativity. I can be the first to admit that I am negative sometimes BUT- I try very hard not to be. Except for this post is going to be filled with things that annoy me, pet peeves and just an all around bitch fest. Sorry, but sometimes it just feels good to release- and to be negative.. (What a hypocrite!!)

 What Really Grinds My Gears:

1. I'll go back to Rob's road rage. He's so unforgiving on the road. He always barks out mean comments about people when they do stupid things on the road. Now I get it. Bad drivers are dangerous but so are angry drivers! I mean, sometimes he gets so annoyed that he steps on the gas and drives up fast behind the driving offender and I ask him; "What the hell is that going to accomplish exactly?! You're just going to make that person MORE nervous after doing something stupid on the road!!" 
 Now the reason why I am so forgiving with bad drivers is because when I drive I have been known to make a few mistakes myself. The other day, for instance- I stopped at a green light because a kid was waiting to cross the street. But, yeah.. you don't stop at green lights... you stop at red lights. I stopped and then realized, What the hell am I doing!!?  See, that would be an instance when Rob would be behind me honking and calling me AN IDIOT! But, I'm not an idiot. I was just concerned for the kid and not really thinking completely. Honest mistake! 
 Also and this is a funny story: About six years ago, Rob's cousin was getting married. Rob's mom being full Italian ended up making the food for the wedding. She made a HUGE pot of spaghetti sauce and a TON of meatballs. (I know, so stereotypical.. but what I can say!!?) We had to transport the meatballs and sauce to the wedding somehow. So Rob's dad had the trunk full of sauce and meatballs. We followed him to the venue and he was driving sooooo carefully that we were howling with laughter. I mean, if anyone and I mean ANYONE else was following behind him they would have thought he was 90 and blind and just about the worst driver they'd ever experienced. So whenever someone is driving really stupid, Rob and I always say; "Hey.. he could be driving with a trunk full of meatballs.. you just never know." Haha!!

Sort of looks like she's cooking spaghetti sauce.. right..?!

2. People that park in PARENT PARKING that are not WITH children. I don't care if it's an old woman and she has a four year old. I get it. She has a child with her, therefore she gets to park in PARENT parking. But it's the people that don't even have a kid with them, that REALLY piss me off. Like, do you think people aren't going to notice that you just parked in PARENT PARKING withOUT a child?? It isn't conveniently there for people that once birthed children. I mean, most women have birthed a kid or two in their day.. The idea behind parent parking is so that the person with kids has an easier time getting them all out organized and closer to the store. My town is a retirement community and we have so many and I mean, SO MANY elderly people parking in the parking spot. There are four stalls for parents and children and that is it. The elderly people think because they are old and have been here much longer that they have the right to park wherever they want. And the BEST part is that they act like they didn't notice or don't know any better. URRRRGGGHHH!!
 Oh and not to mention the other day- Rob and I were going camping with Alina and we had to quickly stop at the grocery store. All four parent parking stalls were taken. We noticed that there are two motorcycles parked in two of the parking spots. Hmmm... that's interesting. Not only did the bikers not have children, but they so blatantly didn't even care to pretend to have them.. by parking a BIKE in the spot. It's like they openly flipped off everyone that drove by, that would care. That one really pissed me off and had me going. But of course, I didn't say anything because really.. what am I going to accomplish?  Plus they were bikers, I'm not going to mess with that!

Parent.

Parent.

Not a parent!!! Don't park in parent parking Asshole!! And then he'd turn and say what!!? And I'd run.

3. Paying for AIR. Okay, now seriously I had to take a picture of this sign the other day. Recently the gas station started to charge people for air. That's right, it's now fifty cents to use oh.. three minutes of AIR. That's right.... air. The stuff that you could just take a grocery bag and flap over your head and fill with that expensive stuff.... air. I open my mouth and suck in and then blow out.. that air. Yup, they charge for air. We had to fill Alina's stroller tire with air and I had to break a five dollar bill to get fifty cents so that Rob could fill the tire. That also grinds my gears... breaking a bill for something so stuuuupid! So every time that Rob finishes using the air he always drops the wand on the ground instead of putting it back up in its holder. LOL I laughed and said; You really showed them!! Also- it's more than likely that the next person going to use the air will be another paying customer who is just as annoyed with having to pay for air as we were.. So therefore we just might be a # in that person's gear grinding list!!

See, it's true!!

4. Adult bullies!! I can't stand people that act superior and mean towards other people just because they can! Last year and years before we played on a slow pitch team. Our team consisted of fire fighters/wives and police officers/wives. So the other teams in town didn't always like us very much. There was one team in particular that was the worst. We ended up being scheduled to play them twice. But after the one game we contacted the proper people and opted out of playing that team ever again. It was that bad! First of all, most of the team consisted of criminals in one way or another. Or, just plain and simple- they were a bit on the traaaashy side. I remember once there was a young, and I mean YOUNG baby in the dug out and the mother was set to take a base and the baby was bawling it's head off. The team members were screaming at her to get her ass out on the field. That was their OWN team mate.
 We had a horrible game. These people were so intimidating, I actually felt like I was back in middle school being bullied by the mean kids again. I ended up tattling on the team in the end. (Hehe, I was always good at telling..) I wrote the people in charge of slow pitch with a formal complaint. I was pissed. I remember shaking I was so worked up and angry and upset with these people. I'm getting a little upset writing about it, actually. But in general, I find that adults bullying other adults is completely and utterly unacceptable.

 So there you have it folks..! That's what grinds this girls' gears.. lately. I could probably go on forever but the boss is riding my ass again! Gotta go!

Pay Attention To Meeeeee!