Friday, August 16, 2013

To Be 16

 I know a couple of young ladies that are turning sixteen today. It inspired me to think back to when I was sixteen..

 I remember thinking that I was so grown up and really, I wasn't even close. Like a lot of teenagers, I lived with the deception that I knew it all. I was a good teenager, but I did have a serious attitude problem. I think that was because I was the youngest in my family and I thought that I could get away with it. Sadly, I did get away with it too. My sister struggled with me a lot when I was sixteen because my curfew was way later than hers ever was. I had a serious boyfriend at the time and I pulled some pretty dumb moves. For example, we would be out at a party and I would lie to my parents and say that I didn't have a ride home, and that I had no other choice but to crash at my boyfriend's house overnight. I still remember when his mom came downstairs and saw me sleeping in the basement on the floor with him, she nearly clawed her son's eyes out. She was mad and now, I don't blame her. If Alina tried to pull that crap I don't think we would be as understanding as my parents. Looking back now, I don't know who I thought I was..!! I understand why Kyli would get so mad at me and mom!

 I remember on my sixteenth birthday, Kyli bought me a Pokemon cake. She chose a Pokemon theme as a joke, to embarrass me, but in a funny sort of way. When Kyli turned sixteen my folks bought her a four pack of coolers. It was their way of introducing us to alcohol because they knew that we were going to be going to parties and drinking anyway. So when my brother, Lincoln turned sixteen he got a six pack of beer.. and on my sixteenth birthday Lincoln presented me with my first four pack of coolers. It's funny, now that I'm a parent I'm not sure that I would introduce alcohol to my children at the ripe age of sixteen. But I do understand what they were doing. They were giving us the responsibility to take care of ourselves when we went out. They wanted us to know that they knew what we were doing when we went out and that it was okay, as long as we were being responsible. Now, having said that.. unfortunately there were many, many,many times that I was just the opposite of that. But I can also admit because my parents were okay with me going out, I didn't feel the need to go crazy..

A polaroid I found of Kyli and I when I was 16..

 This is a wee bit off topic but Rob grew up with a girl and her parents were really strict. She was not allowed out for very long. They didn't trust her and would check up on her to make sure she was always where she said she was going to be. She ended up rebelling against her parents as soon as she had the chance. She drank a lot and partied too much and to this day, nearing thirty years old she continues to make really poor decisions. So I can confidently say that sheltering your kids isn't always the best approach either. I think it's all about a healthy balance.

 My birthday is in the summer time, so I always started a new year of school, a fresh, new age. When I was five, I went into kindergarden and cried every day for a week. So my mom and the kindergarden teacher decided together that I wasn't ready. I ended up staying home another year because of it. So I was always a year older than all of my friends. When I turned sixteen, I was going into grade ten. In grade nine I started hanging out with a 'cooler', more popular crowd of girls. I had a lot of fun with these girls and a lot of them are still my friends today. But I believe that if I hadn't met them I would probably have an education. I would have studied harder and my priorities would have been focused on my studies and not my social life. I don't blame my friends for anything. I love my girlfriends. But I have to admit that I was good in school until I met them and started going out and partying with them. I started dating a guy that was two years older than me. Meeting him really turned me into a monster for awhile. We were just young and "in love" and my attitude sucked towards my parents after meeting him. That was most certainly mistake #2.. I wasted a lot of my teen life on that boy. Fighting, crying and worrying... I truly understand why parents do not want us dating at a young age. WE CAN'T HANDLE IT! That's it. We are not equipped to properly handle the feelings we are feeling.. I was unable to make good decisions for the relationship because my priorities were so screwed up. Plus, we were always at parties on the weekends getting drunk.

In Grade 12 I made a picture story book of every year of my life.. This is a page from Year 16..

  As an adult, I know that when I drink too much I get pretty difficult. I get argumentative and unreasonable. In the beginning of our relationship Rob and I used to get into arguments when we both drank heavily and we came to the conclusion to just not drink as often. It's not good for the relationship.. Period.

 So when I was a teenager, I didn't care about reason. I wanted to have fun, because I was young and someone was having a keg party in honour of someone's birthday! So I would drink and then my boyfriend would drink and then that was always a remedy for disaster. We would fight.. I remember throwing a full drink at my boyfriend's face. I mean, I would NEVER do something like that now!! Never ever.

 Knowing what I know now.. I wish I could go back in time and give my sixteen year old self some sound advice..

 Haley's Helpful Hints To Turning 16:

//1  Try not to think that you know more than your parents.. because you simply don't. They've been around the block a few more times than you. Try to understand why they are hard on you at this age. It really is for your own good.

//2  Don't get involved in any serious relationships. Being a teenager is about enjoying friendships and learning about who you are. Growing up is hard enough without a guy getting in the way and complicating everything!!

//3  Don't take yourself too seriously. Do remember to have some fun because this is the time for a bit of irresponsibility.. It's the time for making a few mistakes because you are young!!

 //4  Expect it to be hard. Going from a girl to a woman isn't easy. There is so much to learn, so much to feel.. Your hormones are buzzing around like crazy. You are up, you are down. Just enjoy the bumpy ride for what it is.. Take it all in and learn from all of the ups and downs you experience. 

//5  Enjoy it. It goes by so, so fast. Enjoy sleeping in and eating your mom's cooking. If you have a job, enjoy your money. Money that is for you and only you to spend on .. YOU!

16 Year Old Me.



Noor said...

Should I say it's a first full packed book of advices I am reading as a 16?
There's a lot of truth.
I never got into a relationship and I am so happy about it . You're absolutely right , there's no fairytale love at just age of 16 . At least not these days where a love story starts from Facebook and ends on Twitter perhaps?
(That's what we say in school)
Thanks loads Haley . I would stick to all of them :')
This post is quite like what a big sister would say .

The Babbling Box said...

Perhaps you could come give this talk to my teenagers. From someone who has seen two girls try claw each others eyes out physically during lunch I can attest that teenagers should not be in relationships. I have no real experience with any of this, my parents were the strict, anti-social, dictatorship sort while I was in school. I partied hard in college to make up for it though :)

Helene in Between said...

this is so great and my 19 year old sisters could use some of this! as well as my old 16 year old seld.

Ali said...

Well Said. Gosh Being 16 and remembering how much I loved my boyfriend back then. So Ridiculous - ...Scary and Ridiculous. I never had kids but would be terrified to have a teenage girl.

Haley said...

Yes! I was sooo in love with him, it was scary too. Really scary there for awhile. It's insane to think that I made some pretty big decisions dating him and I remember thinking; well I'm 16.. I'm old enough. Old enough!?!? I was a baby- geeeeeez.
Yes, I'm hoping Alina is a good teenage girl.. but who am I kidding? I'm totally screwed.
Her blue eyes, dark hair for one. Rob's determined attitude for another and the combo of stubbornness on both sides. I'm..... screwed.

Melissa said...

Thank you for your comment! loved them on both of my blogs! can't wait to hear more from you!
The answers: yes some of those things were really hard to see and deal with.. Kids who smoke, creepy old men following you :) but we survived anyway!

Areeba said...

I'm counting this as my 16th birthday present. Yeah, eating mum's cooked food is too delicious and I try to enjoy it as often as I could. When I was 14, my dad told me the reality of teen relationships. I have a boy best friend but I won't go further. Thanks for all these points, I'm going to remember theses forever or maybe pass it to my future kids as aunt Haley's gift :)

Jade Wright said...

What an awesome post!
I was also the youngest and had the exact same mindset as you (sadly also getting away with everything.. much to my older brothers dismay!)
Really enjoyed reading your words again.. I have missed blogging! I'm sitting in my parents dingy little office now typing to you... my internet is broken at home so I've been off the radar and haven't been able to read your blog for a while! :(

Looking forward to more as always xx

Not Before my Tea said...

I like number 3 and 5. Number 3 because no matter how many times you tell a teenager that, they would never ever listen. Because we’re all very important at that age, after all, doing very important teenage things. And I like number 5 because how much happier would we be if we realized the complete bliss that is having absolutely NO FINANCIAL obligations besides hot fudge sundaes and clothes?! Or whatever I liked at 16. Now I have to spend it on boring stuff like electric and renter’s insurance and vegetables.