One Fear Conquered..

Today we decided to show Rob's friend, Squizz around to all of the hot spots around us..
First we took him to the beach to pick up some more sea shells for his girlfriend. I also introduced the boys to the strange holes in the sand that you jump beside and water shoots up at you instantly. My cousin Sam calls them "gooey ducts.." I have no idea if that is actually what they are.. He is pretty smart so I wouldn't put it passed him. Then we checked out Cedar Grove..where all the big trees are, and then to Qualicum Falls.. After all of that we re- energized ourselves at a convenient store with ice cream/a nasty old pita sandwich/beef jerkey and headed on to the Horne Lake Caves (my fear)..

This is my lame pose..















See you can actually get inside of
the trees here..



















This is the view going onto Cameron Lake..
and I thought it was also quite the pose!!















And no..this isn't a background pic
from Wal Mart..



















Squizzzzzzz



















Now for the caves. HOLY SHIT!!














It was quite the experience..but
I am glad I went along for the ride



















Rob being INSANE!















This just shows how the caves look inside...















Smile pretty in a confined space!!



















"do you think cougars live in these
here caves???"

Happy 22nd BOB

Part 3 of Rob's B'Day Weekend..His actual Birthday!!
May 28, 2006

The happy little couple infront of
some fancy green, green, green
trees on the way home from Vic..



















I told them to "show me some
love"...and this is how they stood??
I don't understand men!



















This is the beach in Parksville...














Some crazy wooden something or other proves to
take a nice pic with people..















I find that I look quite sickly beside my beast
like boyfriend..















I'm not sure if Squizz knew I was in this pic
with him..LOL, it looks like I was added in after
the picture was taken..

Scenic Tours

DAY 2 Of Rob's B'Day Weekend
May 27, 2006 (Edmonton WINS!! btw)

Starting out after we set up camp to find China
Beach.... 1.2 km walk..















The view from up up up...















The walk wasn't so bad.. and it
was very rewarding..



















Rob and I right before the beach..















The beach!! It was so beautiful.















It really was breathtaking














My sister and her cute little family..

Lets Get Our Drunk On Shall We..?!!

DAY/NIGHT 1 of Rob's B'Day Weekend
May 26, 2006 (Happy 20th Carmelle!!!!!)

Toooooo happy...














Ahh, that's much better














Awww, Ky LOVES Robo Drunk














Joe and I pretending to like eachother..
I'm gonna eat your soul!! -Rob.














Rob's buddy Squizz and Ky..














Da Boyzzzz














I didn't mean to grab man tit-eh..but
I fear I did..














Brothers to be one day














Check out how red our faces are ...
from dancing and Drinking!














Cheers boys!














I think we were the entertainment..
Bye Bye Everybody!!

Visual Updates

She's in the hospital??




















Keepin' her spirits up..

Eyes Open

Well today I didn't end up going to work. I stayed with the family and did what I could do to help, which was basically be a support system. Rob and I had a few tuffles throughout the day but finally I burst into a few tears, not many.. that I was in fact not doing well. I was trying hard to be strong because I know that I am supposed to be because he needs me. But that it was really getting to me and that I was really uneasy about the entire ordeal.

I got to see Baby J. today and she looks great. She looks tired and sick of waiting around for answers. But her skin is really tanned from our days out at the beach and the lake just last week. She is such an inspirational little thing. Mama J. was saying that she is saying that everything happens for a reason. She's ready for whatever this is and she just wants to find out what is up. I agree.

The doctor doesn't think that it looks like .. this type of cancer that I am not sure of.. the name. He said it was quite strange looking, nothing he had ever seen before. This is why he sent it away to be tested. He isn't really able to give us his "personal opinion" I don't think . This alerts me only because ... could it be a tumor??? No one has said the word yet.. I can't help but think that this is a possibility.

I hate to say this... but it sort of reminds me of when Rudi got sick. The three possibilities were.. M.S, a stroke or a tumor. And I remember asking God for a tumor, because that could be removed. Yeah.... and we all know how that ended. I know this is an entirely different situation, but it is hard for me to avoid these thoughts.

Erin is in a ward with three other older ladies..she calls them the "golden girls". She is making their days brighter with her sunny personality. There's a reason why she's there. I believe she is there to make a difference in people's lives... to make them smile and to help them remember that they too can be youthful and positive just like Erin.

And.. it could turn out to be nothing much at all. Just something to scare the hell out of a lot of people. And I know for a fact that Erin knows a lot of people and that she has lots of friends that care about her. I also know that she's been kind of spatting with a few of them, and this could ultimately end that. OR it could open the girl's eyes and help her realize that she doesn't need some of those people anymore.

Either way this experience will be an eye opener to quite a few individuals. Funny how life works. Right when things get normal... life goes BANG.... remember how lucky YOU are!!

Chin Up Kid.

Today I feel...

At work today I was asked a few times to smile by Annette. Later on she finally asked me what was up...or if I was feeling down today. I was just deep in thought I guess. Possibly tired as well..

Yesterday a teary-eyed Erin came into work holding her side, not knowing what to do. I sent her with my car to the doctor's. Later on, she went to the hospital where she waited six hours to get looked at. The edge was on for all of us... well for me and I know for mom because she was really worried about her. Her parents of course were involved through the telephone, feeling helpless for her. I just felt this need to know what was going on.. and all I wanted to do was help. I couldn't help but keep her in my mind. Poor Lil' Baby J.

Amanda, her roomy phoned us at 11:30 just as my body and mind let me slip into sleep. Erin went into surgery and the nurses sent her home. My car's headlights apparently weren't working so we had to hop into the truck and pick her up... about a 25 minute drive. Again, not anyone's fault as we both had to remind ourselves as we got lost looking for the damn mall she was near. Once we returned from our little adventure, we crashed with five hours of sleep ahead of us before we started our new day of work..and wonder.

Erin had an infection of her lymphnodes.. around her abodminal area. They're doing a biopsy on what they removed from the surgery.. And all we can do is wait and see what the test results are. I worry for a number of reasons. Well..it's not my business to discuss really.. but someone in the family had cancer in the lymphnodes, so right there is a bit of an issue. I just really don't want her to have to think about that until she finds out what the infection was caused from.. or what it is...etc. Also I know that her parents are really torn up about it. She was supposed to go home to them tomorrow and now won't be able to. Mama J. might come to give Erin some much needed TLC. I hope she comes too then.. the little one will feel a lot better. Erin is very head strong and I know that she can handle this kind of thing like a champ. She impresses me very much. She has the right attitude and mind set when it comes to these kinds of problems. I really have to say that I respect her tons for it. If this was me.. I'd be quite a wreck.

I just can't help the way my thoughts are sorting themselves right now.. I also can't help how I feel about lots of things at this time. Like any person..I feel badly when I think of myself during a time like this.. Like.."why are you thinking of yourself when Erin and her family are all concerned about her.." But I just couldn't help it. Just the discussions Rob and I had about it. I was worried about her and voiced it to Rob. And I'm not sure if he was upset about her..or not, but he reacted like, "she'll be fine because she's not a pussy when it comes to this kind of thing." Then he caught himself basically calling me a wuss. He tried to go back and say that this isn't how he felt about me..but I can't help but think it was. Does he really think that about me? I also felt like ... he doesn't want me that involved because it's not my sister .. it is his. But I also don't think that this is the case because he knows that I love her like my own. Like I said..I'm full of emotions and I think this is what kept me so quiet and to myself at work today.

I love Erin and all I want for her is to get out of this okay. I just heard that Mama J. is in fact coming, so I am quite thrilled for everyone. Having her here will certainly help the entire situation. Hopefully Mr. will be okay alone in T.B worrying about his lil' girl.

I also hope that my thoughts will settle down because they are really bothering me. I'm more confused with my feelings... At times I just feel like bursting into tears and I can't even figure out why. Oh well.. these things happen and I guess we all react to them differently. I just hope Rob can understand that I am a bit of a wuss and I wasn't raised to be strong and sturdy like him and his sister. Everyone's different.

Her Day Out

Mother's Day was a great success. Because my sister and I know mom so well we played our cards just right..

There are a few key points to getting my mom out and about where she is relaxed at her destination and not eager to leave.
1. Mom must be aware not too much in advance nor too soon that she is going somewhere we have planned.
2. It will be a total bomb if we take her to a crowded place where there are lots of people on..any given day, but especially not on Mother's Day.
3. Keeping it a secret is also important because then she can't make up any excuses not to go..
4. Giving her subtle hints here and there keep her from making up excuses not to go.
5. We had everything planned and she didn't have to do one thing.
6. We left her alone for one hour and one hour only..so that she couldn't make up any excuses not to go AND she could sit there and wonder.
7. I hate to say this..but we made sure that we packed her two beers for her troubles and because we know that she enjoys them.
8. We didn't push any "real" food on her like sandwiches or potato salad... We served her cantaloupe, pepperoni sticks and watermelon.

I made my mom a cd this year for Mother's Day. I filled it with all of her and Rudi's songs..from the eighties, the nineties..and the whatever the 2000's are called.. I also put happy music on there in between the sad ones.. that I know will make her cry. And I know that it's not terrible of me to put the sad ones on there. I love to cry some days.. I like to pop in a cd fully aware that it will most likely make me tear up. Sometimes I need a good crying. She does too. I also put songs on there.."Won't Back Down" Tom Petty and said that it was her song to the world!! I wrote out each song, the artist and the reason I put the song on the cd. This way she has an idea of how to use the cd. She isn't too swift when it comes to the cd players. She's more afraid of them.. like they'll jump out and bite her if she does something wrong. It's cute. But she's learning. Rob went and picked her out an anklet for me.. and chose an adorable pink one that is the same style as mine. He also mowed the lawn for her for her present from him.

The cd really meant something to me. As I am sure it means something to her as well. It isn't just a cd... Music can speak volumes to people and it has for me in tough times. So I really hope that she gets that cd in the dvd/cd player ("yes mom they do play both kinds, I promise..") and plays a few of those songs that I put time into burning for her. It is already worth it though, because I know that she's fairly curious about listening to some of the songs AND she's also going to have one of those days where she just feels like crying to sappy, sad music.

"Cry and sing along mama... and laugh and sing along... and dance and sing along..but not too much because you might hurt your back. "


Here we are at the lake..enjoying our picnic..













Again..but in the lake..beautiful day!













Mom and Rob .. walking to check the water..














Looks like she enjoyed it..



















" This was the best mother's day I have ever had... no one has ever gone and surprised me like this. I will never forget today." -mom

I like

Today I am just going to write..

I was looking at , "Sticking To The Point" and I decided that there are so many things in this world that I really like..

I like putting my toes in the ocean..and digging them deep beneath the sand. I also like when I take them out ... and they're clean and untouched.

I like that I live a two minute drive to the ocean..or a fifteen minute walk.. I like sitting in my car with the window opened listening to the sounds of the beach.. And sometimes I get out and take a little unplanned venture out onto the beach if the tide is out.. The other day I felt like getting right up there close to the water..right onto the hot sand. I wrote a message in the sand with a stick..and I wrote it nice and big and then I admired it. I plan on returning and writing something else in the sand. I find it therapeutic and calming.. When I miss him I'll write him a message.. and when I feel like saying hello maybe I'll just write HEY TO YOU UP THERE!

I like the freedom of my life. Where I live.. I don't have to worry about tornadoes or hurricanes.. I worry that it might rain and it won't be as nice to look at tomorrow..

I like that my mom and I are so close. That when she has to come over for the day because her car is getting fixed I get excited knowing that she can't leave until it's finished. I like spending time with her on my turf, in my house. I am proud to have her here, napping on my bed, drinking my juice out of my fridge. She deserves every damn sip she takes too..

I like a long, flowing skirt in the summer when the breeze is just right.. Or running down stairs and it fans out elegantly.

I like pretty toes with polish.. and a subtle silver band on one or two.. (And I HATE feet..but I can appreciate some pretty girl feet when I see 'em.)

I like other people's well behaved kids. It shows me that the parents really have great control over their children..and are raising them well.

I like looking out into my backyard and seeing a fuzzy bunny eating the plants..

I also like writing.. just writing about whatever I feel like.. About anything at all. I like to let my thoughts run wild through my fingertips.. And then later I find that I can re-read what I've written over and over again and I am completely entertained each time..

I like the idea of marriage. Something that isn't easy but is a great reward when it is fufilled honestly..and happily.

I like love and what results because of it.. kids, memories, laughter and lessons.

I like love that lasts..

I like so much these days that I wouldn't know how to stop if I wanted..

Another Round Over Here

Ahh, the taste of a cold brew against my lips is enough to get me goin'. I love summertime. For one it is the beginning of enjoyable days to come. Unfortunately the day wasn't as sunny and warm as I had hoped. But it didn't stop us from going out and exploring as we always promise ourselves we'll do.

First stop was Spider Lake..and later on Horne Lake. To be honest, I liked Spider Lake's appearance more because there were more picnic tables and spots for us to lay around, if the weather was permitting. Horne Lake Caves... wow. Those are a bit too much on the scary scale for me. I have to say that I was intrigued when Rob popped his head in between the rocky walls and disappeared seconds later. I was a little frightened at first but can see us returning with the proper materials to venture on in. Again, this was a time for when a digital camera would've been appropriate. Unfortunately that isn't coming until July.. from mama. I have to say that I enjoyed the venture to all of these places. What woke me up and brought me to life the most was.... sitting outside at the Beach House Restaurant Patio for a couple of beers. It just woke me up inside a little bit. I want to party again!! I have been quiet for awhile and I feel like I need to do some damage. Haha..nothing serious. Just dance... mingle with people.. and possibly make some new friends.

Rob doesn't love the idea but I do!! For his birthday we are going to go camping with my sister and Joe. And this is something we are both really looking forward to. Considering they are the only two that Rob seemed to really like here so far. My friend is back from travelling that lives here. The only thing with that is that we don't work together anymore so our friendship is based on what we had before she left. The distance has had an affect on our friendship I am sorry to say. When I have seen her, which is only twice and while I was working we didn't really know what to say to each other. It was how I feared it would be. I have to break that barrier and just phone her one of these days and make some plans to get together.

But.... I feel like something is holding me back from really getting me out there. I need to go and pursue some friendships so that my days off aren't just me doing errands and wondering who I would be calling if I still lived in AB. I would most likely phone a buddy to go for lunch with...or someone to do something with to kill the time. Another thing is that I always put the boyfriend first which is normal but healthy?? I think about my new friends that I have made and I wonder what keeps them in my life? I occasionally phone one of them when I am drinking to invite them out. And when they come it's fun and I gab at her.. But that's it. What do I really have to offer these new friends.. I say the people around here are kind of squares..but what am I then? A snob? Too good? These are things that I wish not to be.

I need to be more friendly and get out and about more... Maybe invite some of these new friends out during the day when I have not much to do. I need to stop stressing about if they will have fun with me. I need to gain some more confidence and worry less about the small..irrelevant details.

I raise my beer to maintaining my friendships, making new ones and getting me and Rob out more often!

Filling the Pages..

I have returned full time to write out my feelings daily and I couldn't be more excited. Our computer is now hooked up here at our house in Q.B.

The house is silent and that is strange for me, to be writing in silence again. I love uninterrupted writing, it is the best kind there is..

"Relationships are so much work, but are so rewarding when they work out.." I wrote that to a friend today. There is so much truth to that. I think that there is a lot of excess that needs to be sorted out in any relationship. I know that with me there was a lot of trust issues, with my mom she had three kids to deal with a father that wasn't there anymore and a new one that was.. I know that other people have to face such things as different beliefs or religions, feuding in laws, etc. The list really goes on. We are put on this earth for a number of reasons. But there is a very important one.. and that is to find that someone that .. understands us, who loves us for what we have been through and more so for what we have become. I am loved for who I am and that leaves me dazzled and elated. I have found someone that sees something in me that I am not even aware of. I look in the mirror some days and wonder why he looks at me the way that he does.. But I trust it. I allow myself to feel beautiful, flawless. I know that he sees me like no one else has and I can feel his love everyday that I share with him.

I can't say that I understand how it is supposed to work. I do understand that we come across different people in our lives and become infactuated with them.. We even believe that we are in love when in fact we are not. Or we are in love but with the wrong person, entirely. I believe that I have been in love in the past. I know what it's like to love and be betrayed. I know what it's like to pretend to love just to feel loved back. I also know what it's like to be in love, playing house and believing in someone that isn't even old enough to know himself yet. I am in love again. A different love this time.. I am in love after the bills are payed, after company has left.. I am in love after a senseless fight that we didn't let get too out of hand.. This kind of love is different from the rest because it is realistic. I feel grown up. Even though I have yet so much more to learn, so much more to grow myself. I feel that Rob and I are strong enough to grow together.. successfully together.

This relationship has already taught me more than any other.. In the short six or seven months that we have been together I know more about myself and life.. I think the two of us work well together. We are in love and that is clear to our family and friends and we are excited about each other. We have this new life in front of us.. blank pages ahead in a very large book...

We've got it all and we haven't stopped smiling since it began.


This weekend at Chips..














Last weekend at Sushi Restaurant..















Last weekend where the times are Irish..