Friday, May 19, 2006

Eyes Open

Well today I didn't end up going to work. I stayed with the family and did what I could do to help, which was basically be a support system. Rob and I had a few tuffles throughout the day but finally I burst into a few tears, not many.. that I was in fact not doing well. I was trying hard to be strong because I know that I am supposed to be because he needs me. But that it was really getting to me and that I was really uneasy about the entire ordeal.

I got to see Baby J. today and she looks great. She looks tired and sick of waiting around for answers. But her skin is really tanned from our days out at the beach and the lake just last week. She is such an inspirational little thing. Mama J. was saying that she is saying that everything happens for a reason. She's ready for whatever this is and she just wants to find out what is up. I agree.

The doctor doesn't think that it looks like .. this type of cancer that I am not sure of.. the name. He said it was quite strange looking, nothing he had ever seen before. This is why he sent it away to be tested. He isn't really able to give us his "personal opinion" I don't think . This alerts me only because ... could it be a tumor??? No one has said the word yet.. I can't help but think that this is a possibility.

I hate to say this... but it sort of reminds me of when Rudi got sick. The three possibilities were.. M.S, a stroke or a tumor. And I remember asking God for a tumor, because that could be removed. Yeah.... and we all know how that ended. I know this is an entirely different situation, but it is hard for me to avoid these thoughts.

Erin is in a ward with three other older ladies..she calls them the "golden girls". She is making their days brighter with her sunny personality. There's a reason why she's there. I believe she is there to make a difference in people's lives... to make them smile and to help them remember that they too can be youthful and positive just like Erin.

And.. it could turn out to be nothing much at all. Just something to scare the hell out of a lot of people. And I know for a fact that Erin knows a lot of people and that she has lots of friends that care about her. I also know that she's been kind of spatting with a few of them, and this could ultimately end that. OR it could open the girl's eyes and help her realize that she doesn't need some of those people anymore.

Either way this experience will be an eye opener to quite a few individuals. Funny how life works. Right when things get normal... life goes BANG.... remember how lucky YOU are!!

1 comment:

holli said...

Oh Lord, I need to read backwards and see what is going on.. But Haley, you're right. We all need to be thankful. I'm so sorry - hang in there. I'm glad you're a support system for everyone - you're such a strong woman.