Chin Up Kid.

Today I feel...

At work today I was asked a few times to smile by Annette. Later on she finally asked me what was up...or if I was feeling down today. I was just deep in thought I guess. Possibly tired as well..

Yesterday a teary-eyed Erin came into work holding her side, not knowing what to do. I sent her with my car to the doctor's. Later on, she went to the hospital where she waited six hours to get looked at. The edge was on for all of us... well for me and I know for mom because she was really worried about her. Her parents of course were involved through the telephone, feeling helpless for her. I just felt this need to know what was going on.. and all I wanted to do was help. I couldn't help but keep her in my mind. Poor Lil' Baby J.

Amanda, her roomy phoned us at 11:30 just as my body and mind let me slip into sleep. Erin went into surgery and the nurses sent her home. My car's headlights apparently weren't working so we had to hop into the truck and pick her up... about a 25 minute drive. Again, not anyone's fault as we both had to remind ourselves as we got lost looking for the damn mall she was near. Once we returned from our little adventure, we crashed with five hours of sleep ahead of us before we started our new day of work..and wonder.

Erin had an infection of her lymphnodes.. around her abodminal area. They're doing a biopsy on what they removed from the surgery.. And all we can do is wait and see what the test results are. I worry for a number of reasons. Well..it's not my business to discuss really.. but someone in the family had cancer in the lymphnodes, so right there is a bit of an issue. I just really don't want her to have to think about that until she finds out what the infection was caused from.. or what it is...etc. Also I know that her parents are really torn up about it. She was supposed to go home to them tomorrow and now won't be able to. Mama J. might come to give Erin some much needed TLC. I hope she comes too then.. the little one will feel a lot better. Erin is very head strong and I know that she can handle this kind of thing like a champ. She impresses me very much. She has the right attitude and mind set when it comes to these kinds of problems. I really have to say that I respect her tons for it. If this was me.. I'd be quite a wreck.

I just can't help the way my thoughts are sorting themselves right now.. I also can't help how I feel about lots of things at this time. Like any person..I feel badly when I think of myself during a time like this.. Like.."why are you thinking of yourself when Erin and her family are all concerned about her.." But I just couldn't help it. Just the discussions Rob and I had about it. I was worried about her and voiced it to Rob. And I'm not sure if he was upset about her..or not, but he reacted like, "she'll be fine because she's not a pussy when it comes to this kind of thing." Then he caught himself basically calling me a wuss. He tried to go back and say that this isn't how he felt about me..but I can't help but think it was. Does he really think that about me? I also felt like ... he doesn't want me that involved because it's not my sister .. it is his. But I also don't think that this is the case because he knows that I love her like my own. Like I said..I'm full of emotions and I think this is what kept me so quiet and to myself at work today.

I love Erin and all I want for her is to get out of this okay. I just heard that Mama J. is in fact coming, so I am quite thrilled for everyone. Having her here will certainly help the entire situation. Hopefully Mr. will be okay alone in T.B worrying about his lil' girl.

I also hope that my thoughts will settle down because they are really bothering me. I'm more confused with my feelings... At times I just feel like bursting into tears and I can't even figure out why. Oh well.. these things happen and I guess we all react to them differently. I just hope Rob can understand that I am a bit of a wuss and I wasn't raised to be strong and sturdy like him and his sister. Everyone's different.