Thursday, June 06, 2013

My Girl

Daughter, I have a daughter. Mom, I am someone's mom. It's only when I walk passed a mirror with Alina in my arms, or I see a picture of me holding my girl - that I realize I am a mommy. I always wanted to be a mom, ever since I was a little girl. People say that a girl dreams of getting married, but I always thought about when I would be a mom. Now, I am and it really is everything that I hoped it would be. Of course I was terrified at the idea of being solely responsible for a human being. I described pregnancy as one big, day before a new job but over a nine month period. I began to question my abilities, my intentions and I started to doubt if I was going to like being a mom, once the day came. But once it came, and she was born.. most of those thoughts and fears disappeared. I say most of them, because it took some time to become comfortable with everything.  Changing a diaper, or stuffing a head through a newborn onesie is challenging at first. I would describe myself as a clumsy mom. When I told Rob that, he laughed and said I could call myself a "Clumsy Mumsy". So that is what I'll call myself- a clumsy mumsy. But I don't mind that title because it's honest. I have gotten better, but I'm still a bit clumsy with my girl. I'm just beginning to get bath time down to a science. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I started bathing Alina in her baby tub, inside of our bath tub. I would bathe her in the kitchen sink, holding her upright with one hand and washing her with the other. As you can imagine, that gets pretty slippery.
 My favourite time with Alina isn't first thing in the morning or a time of day necessarily but when she gives me lovey eyes. She just lays where she is and stares at me. I mean, really, really stares at me. I feel like she's reading my thoughts or seeing more than just me. It sounds crazy but my heart actually does something. I write, "does something" because I can't quite describe the feeling. It doesn't beat faster or anything. But I can definitely feel the love she is giving me through a simple, lovey stare.

An example of her lovey stare
   I look forward to everything that is coming. She's 3 months old and I look forward to when she can hold her head up on her own. I am excited to see her sitting upright and crawling. I can't wait to hear more of her laugh. We heard it once a couple of weeks ago and I think I actually felt my heart SMILE. No joke, I believe it was beaming with delight at the laugh coming from Alina. I am going to melt to pieces when she holds my hand or hugs me. I can't even imagine what I will do when she calls me Mommy. When she snuggles up to her dad or reaches for him for the first time, I may spontaneously self combust with love.
 Rob and I have always been very good at discussing situations at great length. If something bothers us we talk about it. If I'm feeling down about someone in the family or I'm missing my sister we usually talk it out. It's not something we do on purpose, it just happens. We communicate very well and I think that Alina is in good hands because of that. Rob is a problem solver by nature. Physical problems and the mental ones too. I always have believed that I am good at giving advice. I can't really back that up. (haha, so you're just going to have to trust me on that one!) Again, I believe that Alina will be okay, even as an emotional teenager because her mom and dad are good at listening. We've discussed that we want to be understanding and open-minded towards her as well. If there is one thing that frustrates us about our own parents, it's their inability to admit when they are wrong or not willing to change because they are stubborn. I am stubborn and so is Rob. But we both are good at admitting when the other is wrong. HAHA- we are good at that, but we are also good at admitting when we ourselves, are wrong. Rob told me that he wants to be Alina's friend. He doesn't want to tease or bug her, but he wants to be there for her when she needs him. We both want her to want to talk to us or feel comfortable about coming to us with anything. (Especially me, because sometimes you just can't talk to dad about "those" kinds of things.)
 I am excited about being a mom. I'm looking forward to the good and the bad. (more so the good, but I'll take the bad too I suppose.) Alina is going to keep us busy for the rest of our lives and we are ready to take on the challenge.. because we want to be and not because we have to be.
Dad and his blue eyed beauty

Another sweet expression

Buds for life


Anonymous said...

Alina is a very lucky little girl to have you as her Clumsy mumsy. I have no doubts that she will grow into a beautiful talented girl - just like her Mom! <3

Haley said...

Thank you. That's very nice of you to say:)