Mornings of the Past

Anticipation. That is all I feel right now. I am anticipating so many things at this point. I am so excited for tomorrow when I get to see my brother again! I still can't believe it's been eight months since I saw him last! To think, we used to live under the same roof for many, many years. It is an odd thing to think back way back when it was normal to live at home, with your siblings.

I was talking about that.. I took myself back to Hinton, in my old bedroom. The mornings where I would sleep in until I felt. Back when sleeping in wasn't something to feel guilty about. I could hear my parents croaky voices coming out of the kitchen in the early mornings. Rudi would be up for work and my mom always, always woke up with him. I could hear Rudi talking to the puppies in his.."sweet puppy voice". I smiled thinking about it. He talked to me like that when I was little too, and sometimes when I wasn't feeling too good. Another smile. Then there would be silence for much of the morning, until my sister woke. She usually got up before me and most definetly before Lincoln. I could hear her and mom having coffee. I think sometimes I'd even hear the coffee brewing. That was usually when I wanted to make myself wake up because I always loved getting in on the morning coffee and smoke.

There would be mornings where Kyli, Mom and I would get up and sit around talking for hours before we'd have showers, get out of our pajamas.. Those were the good old days. When we were all comfortable because we were home. Now when we all get together, someone isn't truly home. At mom's.. she's home, but the rest of us aren't. It's a comfortable place, but it will never be like our homes before, when we all shared the same kitchen and bathrooms.

I can't believe all of that is over. To think that I never really knew what I had. I wish I could tell people to appreciate those small things. I'm sure I'm taking a few for granted here as I sit typing away. We never truly see what we have until we don't anymore. When I think about it, I don't have a mortgage or children to take care of. In ten years from now, even five I'll think about how my life was so good now. No kids to wake me up. My days off of work, were really and truly days off, for the most part.

Being from a divorced home, I am used to the fact that my "family" aren't together very often. But, now that Ruder's gone, there really isn't a place or time that we'll all ever truly be together again. Well maybe, one day... when we've all passed on.. Who knows.

My family life.. awww. Thinking about it is bittersweet. I know it wasn't perfect. We fought and slammed doors as much as the next family. But there's just something about family that nothing exceeds. Family is it. It's there always, whether a person likes it .. or not.

Tomorrow I work, and wish I didn't. Only because my brother gets in early in the morning and I have to be tortured, knowing he's here and not be able to get to see him until after four. He said he'd probably stop by my work. I'm excited, but that's even more torture really! I'll want to tag along like I always did. When I was four and busted them for sneaking out in the hallway to watch t.v after bedtime. They said I had huge feet (though I think they were exxagerating!) and I'd stomp really loud behind them and this would be the siren that allowed our folks to know we were out of bed..again. Or.. when Kyli and Lincoln went to their firsts day of highschool together.. I sat in the window and watched them as they nervously walked down the road to their bus stop, wishing so much that I could go. Fully knowing that one day I would have to do that same walk... but without them. It's not as drastic of a feeling this time around but I am going to wish to run after them as they leave the shop.

There will be much more to tell as the weekend unfolds... Pictures to see and more family memories to make, with the loved ones I still have.