A Place I Used To Call Home

It's been too long.

I got back from my trip to Alberta on Friday. Before I arrived on Friday I was worried about fitting back into my schedule snuggly. As soon as I was in Rob's arms at the airport I knew that everything would fit back into place quite nicely.

My trip was something that I needed to do. I really wanted for so long, to go back to where I'm from. Go back to my roots; country music, lifted expensive trucks, drinking with old friends and visiting with family. But, once I arrived I felt an emptiness that nothing could fill.

First we arrived in Edmonton and stayed with my brother and his girlfriend Jess. They live in a penthouse on top of the Northgate Towers. It's more like a bachelor pad, but it's familiar and I feel fairly comfortable there. We did a lot of dining and drinking while we were there. Lincoln's birthday was that Thursday and we went out and saw lots of old friends of Linc's. The only thing was that I took about seventy pictures, all of which I deleted by mistake before I had the chance to save them. But the night out was a lot of fun, except for the giant drunk fight my bro had with me later that evening. I would rather not get into it, because there's just too much to say and so much that I can't make sense of.

I went onto Drayton Valley with Kyli to visit our dad and step mom. That was a great visit because we got to see lots of family. Dad and Shelley truly are great hosts. And for the first time in a long time, dad really seemed to take on his role as "dad". It was very comforting knowing that he was there and willing to do anything to make our stay a good one. They were great and I am very thankful to have them in my life.

Next I went to Miss Katie's humble abode. Her boyfriend Eric and her live in a "chainsaw massacre-like" small town in the middle of nowhere, haha. But it is quaint and cute all the same. The weather was a factor in my stay in Peers. It was cold and snowing so I think that's why Peers didn't seem as welcoming. But they should be very proud of themselves. They have a wonderful little home and are a very happy little couple. Katie had a room for me that didn't have any cat hair in it, which was puuuurfect. Hehe.

We went to Hinton, where we grew up together. I got to see Carmelle, which was so nice. I pretty well haven't heard from her since I saw her last. So it was refreshing getting to be around her again. I visited with Katie's mom and step dad Dwayne and then later on her dad Gary. It was so nice walking into her parents' homes and having them know me and want to chit chat. I'm not used to people knowing me here and the familiarity was also very comforting. The weather sucks in Alberta and I forgot how unwelcoming the bare trees are, but those mountains painted forever in the distance were breathtaking. I embraced them so much more this visit. I never ever appreciated them when I lived there. But now when I see them I feel happy knowing that we were fortunate enough to live around them for as long as we did.

Our Hinton night out was a success! I saw many old friends and acquaintances. I felt like a million bucks and was just thrilled to be able to tell people that I was living on the island with my boy. Let's just say that I saw the right people and I had a good time.

But, having said all of that. I was so thrilled to come home. This truly is my home and I belong nowhere else now. This trip made me feel more fortunate for what I have. I feel blessed to have been sent this way and I am very pleased with the path I have chosen.

Re-takes of our first part of the visit in Edmonton
Luckily it was our first and last part of the trip.














Us in front of our very first house in Drayton!














On the way to Hinton. Look at those mountains!














It was fun..haha.















My drunken buddies!

No Time To Do Nothing

There's been so much to keep me busy these last few weeks. Even if my life doesn't feel all that exciting and busy it is time consuming. Being me, is a lot of work apparently.

I feel like I work a lot, like most people in the world. I spend another chunk of my "after work hours" at the gym running. But lately I have been skipping a little. I still go at least three times a week. But I do feel a bit guilty. I come home from work, go straight to the gym and then when I get home.. Rob's looking at me to help him with dinner. So I do, or I don't. Then there's possible hostility from him if I don't. Haha. It's just easier to help and then.......... I get to shower.. Then and only then, do I usually get to relax. Of course, I'm not complaining. There isn't a whole lot going on every evening, but it just seems to take up so much time.

We had a spontaneous adventure to Victoria one Saturday after work. We just spent one night there having a few drinks at Ky and Joe's apartment. Sometimes we just need to get out of this little town.

Alex and Andrew invited us to Andrew's place to join them in a turkey roast. Their friends were there and we met a few people. I had a good time because it was so much like back home. There was a big fire in the backyard which is pretty well all bushes. He lives out of town a bit and there aren't a lot of other houses that close by. It was nice to do something different too.

My mom and I have patched things up which is always great! We are learning how to deal with the new in our lives with better attitudes and fairness.

Yesterday was a dreary day for the family. Lincoln sounded down and of course mom was a bit too. I didn't get to speak with my sister but I can bet she probably wasn't having the best of days either. Rudi's been gone for two years now and it doesn't feel like it and yet it does all at the same time.

I miss him but in a different way. It's not as fresh of a loss. So I guess I am getting used to the fact that he is gone, more and more. There is a lot of new going on in our lives lately and that is helping me to move forward with everything.

I'll never forget Rudi, ever. But I have learned to live without him indefinetly. And for the first time I don't feel guilty about that.



We started out with just the two of us when we
moved here and lots has changed since then. But
really, in the long run, it's still the two of us....

Here's To You

Valentine's Day.

A day to be bitter or involved with all of it's ribbons and hearts. I for one choose to be into this day because I am very much involved with my boy. He was on my mind all day while I worked. I watched old couples pass by the shop and it made me curious. How long had they been together? They must know each other so well.

Yesterday an old man stood proudly next to his little lady. Just before I asked him what he wanted, he snuck in a little peck on her little white head. It was the sweetest thing I have seen. Older folks don't seem to show their affection as much in public. To see it was really something else. My heart warmed at the hint of this man's love for his wife.

I only imagine what Rob and I will be like when we're dried up and gray.. We'll be cute I think. He is very affectionate towards me. I, for some reason like to keep my cheek kissing or lap sitting for in our own house. I don't like to be public with my love and I think that's fine. I do like to show him a little extra once in awhile at the grocery store or at the mall. I'll put my head on his shoulder or give his sides a little squeeze just to let him know that I know he's there..

Today was a good day. Rob has made me really realize that the two of us are a little mini family. We will grow on it one day but for now it's just the two of us. My family is scattered all over. I don't want to get into mom but she's off doing her own new thing, with her new and exciting life. She's happy and I'm leaving it at that. I really feel like I am now apart of my own family more than ever.

So Today I celebrate candies, hearts and ribbons.. for my mini family..

Here's to you and me kid!

















He said I bring out the kid in him.... I think so too..

Chinese Food and 5K under my Belt

For the passed week or so I have had this 5k run on my mind. There's an admission fee of $10.00 and that money goes towards cancer. So Bobbi and I decided to go for it. It's good exercise and we'll feel great about it once we're finished.

Saturdays are usually my "Friday" because my days off are Sundays and Mondays. So I have usually had it by Saturday and come home to veg out and be lazy. When I got home I guzzled down a Dr. P and indulged in a plate of QF Chinese Food. QF is our grocery store and they make okay Chinese food but it almost always makes me feel crappy after. I downed it and thought about how much I wish I hadn't. I knew full well that I had to run the next morning but I just didn't seem to care at the time. All night that food was making me feel awful and I was beginning to get a little worried that I wouldn't do as well on my run.

Well I woke up a few times before I had to really get up and get into my running clothes. Bobbi was at the house by 8:30 and we were both sprawled out on my living room floor stretching out our legs. It was really fun. There were probably about forty or more runners. There were kids that looked like they were quite recently pulled out of bed to participate. There were the hard cores, with their tight spandex pants and expensive matching running shirts and flashy Nike shoes. There were chubby ladies that had no intention of running, which was perfectly fine as well.

The count down was over before I knew it and we were all off. It was a beautiful run. We ran through the walking trails and we were completely engulfed in the tropical like trees. Bobbi pointed out the trees above us and how they looked like green lace hanging over our heads. There was a faint mist of rain which was perfect for our sweating bodies. We did it. We ran 5k in thirty seven minutes and seventeen seconds. It was a wonderful feeling. I was overjoyed and felt so proud that we had done it. I am not huge on hugging but as soon as we crossed the finish line I jumped up and grabbed my aunt and gave her a well deserved hug. She's 47 and none of her other sisters would be caught dead out there running like that. We did it.

5k isn't that bad. (3 miles) I thought it would be horrendous but it was nothing close to that. I bet we could do 10k if I avoided the Chinese Food the night before and she avoided the beer and nachos.

I still can't believe I did something like this. I love this new feeling, this new passion to push myself..



Look at my slit eyes..I'm pretty beat..lol!

Run It Off

I just got home from the gym and I couldn't feel any better than I do now. I remember September 07th, I wrote a post saying that I wanted to start working out my body. It was just an idea that I truly didn't think was going to stick. Like my journal, it has stuck. I was eleven years old on December 31st, 1996 and I vowed to my best friend Morgan, that I was going to write in my brand new note book I bought, every day until ... forever. Of course, a lot of kids say that. But here I am ten years later still writing in my notebook every day. So hopefully in ten years I can look back at this moment and realize that I did it.

I really want to be fit because it makes me feel great. People do drugs to get this incredible high and I exercise. It's tough to describe this amazing feeling, but all I know is that when I finish my run on the tread mill and I am really excited to work on my arms, or back, etc. I think the weights really are my favourite part. I remember being a little girl, sitting in Rudi's arms. I promised that the minute I could get into the gym with him I would. At five I promised and at twenty one I am keeping that promise. Even if he's no longer with us, he will always remain strong in my heart and especially when I am working out. I can just see him smiling.

I took some pictures of myself posing, haha. I felt kind of stupid doing it, but then I decided that I wanted to take these pictures to keep track of how my body is doing. In another month I'll take the same pictures and compare to see how much I've improved, or haven't. I still have Rudi's pictures of him at competitions. He's a monster! I think of him a lot these days. What would have been his 57th birthday is on Wednesday. This is two years since he was sick. This month is a difficult one, but instead of being negative and feeling sad and sorry for myself I am going to work harder.

Aunty Bobbi and I are signed up for a 5k run in the Qualicum Woods on Sunday. It's for cancer and that was the key word to help me agree to it. My real Dad Bernard has cancer and is still getting treatment for it and my Ruder had it and it ended his life. So I will run for him and for my dad. I will run against their struggle and fight with it. I won't stop .. I'll just keep thinking of him..

Young Guns

Mama is going to be 50 on Thursday. Wowsers. To me, 50 isn't even old though. Like I've said before 50 is the new 30 these days. I look at it this way, if someone dies at 85 it's kind of okay. He lived his life, and 85 is a decent time to die. But when a person goes at 55.. it seems a little early. Therefore, 55 isn't old.

Mom had no idea that we planned a surprise birthday party for her. Unfortunately none of us got any pictures of our house all decorated. I told her that I wanted to spend the night at her house Saturday. But I phoned at 4 to tell her that my car died and Rob wasn't home to take me to her place. She came right away, expecting nothing. Especially since her real birthday isn't until Thursday, she probably hadn't even thought about it yet. She was so surprised. She kind of just stood there with her mouth open.

We had a birthday tiara and a birthday girl pin. We had streamers and banners, balloons and a cheap pin the tail on the donkey. She drank it right up. We had her tonic water and flowers to smell and grapes to eat. She was like a hyper kid that was fed lots and lots of chocolate. She was off the wall excited. But it was her night and we let her loose. We had reservations at a fancy restaurant for 7. Her and I went back to her place so that she could get really dressed up and shower. I made her a cd and played it for her while she got ready. I felt like I was at my girlfriend's house, rather than my mom's. A lot has changed. Some for the good and some for the bad..

We had a nice dinner and mom kept "cackaa ing" like Ellen (Ellen Degeneres Show) in the restaurant. Like I said, she was really excited. My sister and Joe came from Victoria so she was really pleased that they came all the way for her. The food was great and we got some pictures taken outside on the patio.

All in all she deserved the treat and on her actual birthday I am going to spend some time with her. I took the day off so that she can have me all to her self, if she wants.

Happy 50th mom- you're not gettin' old, you're just gettin' started.


Rob and ma














The girls- with Alex. We've salvaged our
relationship and are getting along wicked good
now. She's my gym partner.

The Wedge

It is funny how one day can change so much.

Yesterday Rob and I went to mom's to take down Christmas for her. There has been some mention of her having a friend in her life lately, but nothing serious. Apparently it is a bit more than what I thought. He has come for a couple of visits at her house and one visit to Nanaimo to pick something up at the Canadian Tire.

It is true that I was very open to all of this in the beginning. I think it is good for her to have found a companion, although she has been told not to get into any relationships until she has hit her one year of sobriety. But I know she has a good head on her shoulders and knows not to get too serious this soon.

I somehow figured out that I knew this friend of hers. He happened to be a regular at my coffee shop. I was delighted trying to figure out by his name who he might be. At first I thought of a sweet man that comes in early in the mornings and is always polite, calling me by my name. But as soon as she said "painter" my heart didn't even sink, it started beating violently in my chest. I couldn't sit anymore, I needed to get out of her observing eyes. I started pacing out of my own control in and out of the kitchen. The Painters! There is an older man that comes in with his son and they are known for hitting on anything with a pair of tits. His son isn't bad but it is him that makes everyone uncomfortable with his inappropriate comments. I couldn't believe it was HIM. It was confirmed and my mind has been made up.

I am not a close minded person. If anyone was to know this information ahead of time it would be me. I just can't say that I am not completely disappointed with the end result. I was hoping to meet this new guy that peeks mom's interest and instead I have already met him in a number of occasions. I have brought him his breakfast and served his coffee, watching him tip with inappropriate comments and his lingering eyes on anything that moves. Urrrggh. It makes me shudder thinking that this is her new friend.

I researched it a little by asking one of the ladies I work with what she thought of the "painter guy". First thing she says, no hesitation, he's a bit creepy. Then she goes on to tell me her inappropriate story of him. Of course being as it was a recent encounter, I tell mom.

She phones to tell me that he feels really badly and is apologizing to this lady at work. Big deal. I don't care about her. I care about my mother and her feelings. She shouldn't be getting involved with a man with a wondering eye and perverted comments. I know that I am going way off at this point. But I can't help but not care.

Every time she mentions his name I shudder. I don't like it. I hate this feeling. This better not be the beginning of something horrible. I have seen these kinds of problems on Oprah or Dr. Phil. "My step daughter is keeping my wife and I apart. "

I already feel like she's taken his side over mine and that he is the wedge between my mom and I . I haven't phoned her back because I don't know what to say. That has never happened and I have him to blame for that, and I hate that too. At this rate I'll never like him.

He has zero room for error now and as far as I am concerned he better be thinking up some classy, GENUINE way to woo me like he has mom.

Square Box Of Fun

Fun.

That is something I want to be apart of even moreso this year. I want to have more fun, with the simple pleasures in life. I don't know what it is about me, but I feel like half the time I'm not feeling up to a lot of things. Or I don't want to, I'd rather sit around in the comforts of my home. I am not lazy. I work my eight hours a day, forty a week usually and come home to go for my run, usually. Lazy people don't go for runs. At least I don't think so. But, activity wise, I need to buck up.

Rob and I are eachother's life. We have a couple of friends but we spend most of our time with eachother. So after awhile, we run out of things to do. I need to do more. Step outside of my comfort zone. Here I had thought I conquered all of that. But really I know I haven't. I want to be more adventurous, fearless. I can't really imagine being a fearless person. I bet it would be so refreshing.

The guys off of Jack Ass 2 aren't people that I necessarily look up to usually for .. anything. They're ridiculously entertaining, but I don't aspire to get to where they are. Johnny Knoxville is a fearless son of a bitch. He will pretty much do anything. I am not saying he is the smartest guy but he is afraid of nothing. He will look a bull right in the eyes and stand there waiting to see how badly it will hurt him. I'm sure his mother has already died of a heart attack after seeing some of the stunts he's pulled. But he has something that I don't have. Pain doesn't scare him like it does most. That is a big reason why I don't do a lot of things. Of course there are other reasons.

I don't like being rejected, or put in uncomfortable situations. I don't like to stay out too late when I have to work in the morning. I don' t like driving somewhere if I have never been there before, especially at night. I am a big wuss. I am afraid of everything it would seem. I have already quit smoking now for.. four months and started being more physical and eating better (not lately, but I am getting there again.) I will shoot for doing more. I want Rob to be able to ask me to go do something at any time and I will answer with a "Yes, let's do it. " Let's face it life is by far too short to be afraid of everything.

I asked Rob if he would go pool hopping once when we went by a really nice house once. He said yeah like it was no big deal. I would NEVER do something like that. What if we got caught? What if the people that lived there caught us and they were regulars where I worked? What happens if we got arrested? I'd be too embarrassed. I'd feel like such an idiot. Blah blah. I know that it's good to be responsible but only to a certain extent. A young lady that used to work with me was about 17 and she sounded like she had never done anything bad. Not really bad, but even a little bad. She didn't even have the curiosity to go out and drink a beer with a friend or stay out later than she was supposed to. She was way too responsible for her own good. All I wanted to do was corrupt her, just a little bit. Well I am sure that there is someone out there that looks at me and thinks the very same thing. I am a little too square sometimes. I need to unwind and do something I wouldn't normally do. It would be thrilling and certainly make our lives more interesting.

I want to do things that make me happy this year and I want to try new things. That is my goal for 2007; to quit being such a Haley about everything and have some damn fun!



See- this girl HATES fun. haha

Nearing the end.. and the new.

The time has come for Christmas to be packed away in old, worn out boxes for another year. My mom's decorations were covered in what used to be known as candy canes. Apparently the weather is so hot here that in the summer, the candy canes melted all over the sad, traditional ornaments. Oh well. A sticky Christmas never hurt anyone.

I always feel pretty bummed out around this time of year. The Christmas Burning Log is replaced with infomercials on Channel 4. The Christmas trees lose their festive appeal. Before when I looked at my tree I thought of excitement, a symbol of our first Christmas spent together. Now I look at it, a bit trashier than I had anticipated, with the chunks of tinsel and old fashioned ornaments. A symbol of something else to put on my to- do list, along with GO BACK TO WORK AND MAKE MORE MONEY. I don't think that I am really broke, but I certainly am feeling a bit of pressure, knowing that rent is due fairly soon.

2007 is right around the corner, and I am not so sure how I feel about it. I mean, it's just another year. Like every other year, it comes and goes. But Rob made a valid point. 2002 sounded okay, along with 2005 but we seem to be reaching 2010. Twenty ten. It just seems so futuristic. Again- I think about how far along we've come. Fifty years ago people were putting clear plastic, coloured sheets over top of their t.v screens to make it look like they had coloured t.v. A woman I work with told me that the people's faces would be purple or green, but it didn't matter because she and her sisters felt like they were watching coloured t.v.

Rob bought me a MP3 player that holds 250 songs and picture files. I know there are Ipods that hold up to 3000 songs and I can't get over how teeny tiny these mechanisms are. I don't even think I know 1000 songs! Like I said, we've come a very long way.

I've also come to find that I am really beginning to grow up. I think I thought I was so grown up even a year ago. But there is so much more that I don't even have a clue about yet. It drives me crazy that people could point me out and say; "she has nooo idea. " But it is very true. Take a look at my blog for instance. I usually only blog when I have gone somewhere, like a pub and took a bunch of drunken pictures. When really I should find time to write all of the time about very casual things. I am quite young still and I know that. I am allowed to be. But at the same time I look forward to being wise, knowing more. I am always going to look forward to experiencing more of this crazy world.

Without experience, I don't exist.. I like life lessons even when they're tough. I know that I am not necessarily prepared for all that I am about to experience, but I welcome it with open arms. I accept this life and hope to get as much out of it as possible.

**Some pictures of my Christmas:

Rob put out cookies for Santa and sugar for his
reindeer. I was unaware that reindeer eat
sugar, but now I know..













Earrllllly Christmas Morning..













Christmas Eve and our "excited faces".














Somehow he looks more convincing.. Man- He's
such a cutie...

Busy busy

Party Time

Part 2- Saturday

Originally we were supposed to go to Victoria, but there was a snow storm as rare as they come here on the island. We drove for nearly two hours and were sent right back where we came from. We were turned around on the Malahat because it was closed. We cancelled our hotel in Vic and made one in Nanaimo. No harm no foul.

We had a really good time. Parker picked up as usual. Dave laughed a lot, as usual. Rob had to stop me from stealing the tambourine from the band, haha- as usual. I am not a crazy tambourine theif. But I do like to take things when I am drunk. Don't ask. It's who I am.

I took the liberty of playing the tambourine for the band because they were in my reach (purse) for the second set. The band thanked me after and told me that I did really good. Haha. The boys danced, as I entertained. It was another good night with the Thunder Bay boys.

Part of the band














In my glory..















Parker taped HIS beer to my hand..















Fake boob grab. Come on, Rob's taking the pic!!
















The boys posin'.

Party Weekend- Part 1.

Part One- Friday Night

I have been a very busy girl lately. Rob and I had some company over the weekend. His friend Dave was coming for a week and we had hoped that his other buddy Parker would join. But he declined saying that he couldn't afford to come and our timing was pretty bad. So we gave up on him. Dave arrived and we had a couple of quiet nights, going to a pub here or there, not getting too crazy.

Parker phones, saying he in fact CAN come and is trying to book a flight. Our hopes were high as he phoned to let us all down. No money, bad idea, never mind. But we know Parker well, and the boys WAAAY more than I. We told him that he needed to be here, to share this Island Experience with us. And that was all it took really. Less than 24 hours later, he is sitting in our living room, hittin' p's. So, our weekend sloowly unravels.

I invited a co-worker, Holly to join in the madness. She was happy and eager to come with us. I haven't had a friend come and party with me for quite some time, so I was pretty excited about it as well. She came around 8. Myself and the boys were already deep into our alcoholic bliss. No, we were well on our ways though. After some guitar playing, hair straightening and a few more special drinks later, we were on our way to the Rod and Gun.
We had ourselves quite the time there. We basically turned that bar upside down. I think the band had to turn their mic.s up so that we could hear them sing! (not really, haha) The bar was pretty quiet when we first arrived and I think there is nothing wrong with the five us taking on full credit for getting that place hopping! I was drunk. Okay, so was Holly. She was falling, I was holding her up and we were dancing. No one could stop us from dancing, not even a few falls on Holly's part. One even caused her to limp the next morning! But NO, we danced our little hearts out. If you asked us what our favourite song of the night was... we wouldn't remember what songs were even played. Haha. I smashed a glass with my hand. I am french, I speak with my hands! I was hanging out the window at the bar, picking flowers out of the flower pot and sticking them in everyone's drinks. They were pretty, and added to the "appearance" of the drink. Needless to say it was a lot of fun. Fun I haven't had in quite some time.

Me and the Boys














Much later at the bar, with Rob and Holly.















I love you .. I love you too.



















Us allll night.














Looking a bit Done.

Underdog....

I started my writer's workshop on Wednesday. I got my notepad and pen, my chair and reading glasses all in the room with me. I sit down with every intention of doing nothing but my very best work. I loved it. I certainly am learning valid things about writing. I also feel great doing it online because of the fact that I am anonymous. I am not focused on how nervous I would be if I was in a classroom around strangers, critics.. I am comfortably in my own house, safe in a room with the heat up and a candle lit. I feel more at ease meeting my classmates online, through their own writing. We comment and read on to the next classmate and I find myself completely involved. I love that.

Today was my second lesson. It was all about detail. I must say I learned very much from this lesson. I am always the kind of reader to skip over paragraphs of overly desriptive parts in the books that I read. But today I learned for the first time how to describe things. How to write descriptively without being matter of fact, or boring. I liked it. We had to light a candle and write about it in one paragraph. Keeping in mind what we just learned about description. I wrote it out, feeling a bit sick to my stomach, hoping it is the best piece in the class. I carefully put my arrow to Submit and clicked, with one quick motion of my forefinger. I read on to find my classmates had a whole other idea of this assignment. Perhaps I failed to recognize that describing the candle is what was most important. I liked my piece because it was unique, but at the same time, less descriptive in comparison to my classmates. Boooo!

I asked Rob to sit and listen to three samples, one being mine. I told him to tell me his favourite, even if he knew it wasn't mine. I told him to be honest and that I wouldn't mind. I left mine for last. He liked the first two because they were brilliant. But he knew mine was last, saying it was good. I felt as I read my work outloud,that my voice began to quiver, as doubt took over my thoughts. I wished suddenly that I had not asked this of him, that he didn't even have a clue what I was in here writing about. I take criticism of any kind the wrong way. I can't help it. It's like being jealous. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. It causes people to say irrational things, to burst out in tears or in anger. I felt like my reaction to Rob's answer would be like this. When he told me that mine could've been more descriptive because that was in fact what the class was all about today, I felt myself shut down and I turned my face before it turned red. Saying that I needed to check my e-mail and then I'd come out of the room. I feel like a fool. Even though I am sure he doesn't.

I feel like the underdog, already. For once in my life I am doing something that I want to do in my life. I am completely into it and focused on bettering my skills. But at the same time there is a sense of competition, to be the best, or at least one of the best. My competition is pretty intense. I have so many people in my class that are parents, retired grandmother's, business owners, stay at home mother's, you name it! These people are from all over the world and seem to carry loads and loads of more experience than me. Although I am aware that this is for me and not for me to compare myself to grandmother's or retired teacher's.

This experience is already worth the $169.00 that I spontaneously put on my mastercard! I am having a lot of fun writing of course. I am also enjoying my classmates comments on some of my work already. I have to wait for the comments on my candle piece to come.... I am anxious, nervous and a little shakey of what everyone will think. But it's also exhilerating. I suggest that some of you bloggers might want to check something like this out. It's really good for a writer, just waiting to write...


The Wild Flame

I breathe in and exhale and I notice the flame peaking out from within the candle is thrashing wildly. Why is it that every time one is lit, and the lights are turned off a feeling of calmness and peace take over my body and mind? I feel relaxed and at ease, as the pale pink wax glows in the dark. The flame violently whips in all directions and it leaves me to wonder what caused it to do this. I am completely alone in the room and have not moved. Perhaps a candle is used for more than just light or decoration. Maybe it is a way of knowing that I am in fact not alone. There could be beings or lost souls swimming in and out of each room, each house. Only passing through, causing the flame in my candle, my source of light and comfort to quiver..

A Lasting Glow

Lately this is how I feel; the world is mine to do what needs to be done. It doesn't matter if it's doing things to make others happy, or just spending quality time with my family, making new memories to cherish. I am really content with my life right now.

Rob and I did a good deed this weekend. We flew my brother Lincoln in from Edmonton to see our mama. Mom is doing well, but she really needed to see him. She misses him truly. So this visit was a complete surprise to her. I wish I could put the video on my blog so as to share her reaction to my brother sneaking up along side her, pretending to be a stranger. It was so amazing to help make someone that I care for over anything in this world; that overjoyed.

It is also nice to be around family again. I think that Christmas isn't just my favourite time of year because of the presents, but because of the family that I am around. My family isn't just the best because they're my family either. We are so much fun when we all get together. Our chemistry is just perfect when all of us around each other. The best part is, is that we found partners that get along with everyone just as well. That is how I know we are all going to end up with these awesome people in our futures. Jess, Joe and Rob all get along wonderfully. This was the first time that Jess and Rob met, but they seemed to hit it off perfectly.

The picture symbolizes the sense of freedom, of completion that I am feeling this morning when I woke up. My guy cleaned the house up while my siblings and I went to my aunt's last night to party and eat great food. As I woke up not remembering much of last nights retreat to bed, I looked at the house and it was neat and tidy. I told him that I didn't expect him to clean up but he did anyway. So I woke feeling great about yesterday, in a place that I didn't have to worry about cleaning. My morning has been spectacular. It's been for me to catch up on the weekend's results and to gather my thoughts about it. Hence, why I feel so good I bet.

Mom is looking so outstanding these days. She's lost 15 pounds and she's a renewed woman, so much that she's glowing in all the pictures that we took. My mom is someone very special to me and in putting that smile on her face yesterday, I too feel that good

Comparisons

One year from October 20th-- my sister's birthday. It was the first time that Rob met Kyli and Joe. We like to call it their anniversary. Rob and I had only been dating for... a couple of weeks. We decided it was time for him to meet my sister and her ..ahem, boyfriend Joe.

Joe and I looking nice...a year ago.
















One year later..looking okay.. I could be better.















Smoochin' her sister..nice BOOBs and double
chin!














We look better a year later..haha
















Joe loving me.













Joe still loving me.















Rob and Haley's first picture...















Rob and Haley's most recent picture...

Weekend Carvings

Pumpking Carving -again.















Last night we decided to bring the kids out in ourselves and carve some pumpkins. Rob of course carved the intricate ghost ship and I chose the five pumpkins stacked on top of each other. It was quite entertaining. I even estimated that it would take Rob from 7-10 to finish his pumpkin. I was exactly right too. Mine took about two hours. But we had a nice time sitting side by side in complete silence for a few hours. We were concentrating so hard that we forgot to even chit chat to one another. Finally I noticed once my pumpkin was complete that we probably hadn't spoken in two entire hours. Haha.

Friday nights with Rob and Haley are spent studying our carving kits and stencils to ensure that we make the best damn pumpkin anyone has ever made, instead of socializing with the friends that we don't have. Nah, I thought it was fun. Rob and I never go out because this place isn't for that. Qualicum was featured on the news the other night as the the place to retire in Canada. It is the #1 place for retirees to finally park their rv's and settle down, with an eternity of golf and chatty senior groups everywhere they look. It's paradise for oldies, not so much for us who are just starting out in life.

Friend wise, we don't settle. It's like going on a date with someone. We always are looking out for the other person's faults and reasons why that would bother us later on in life. Also there are two people to please rather than one. Maybe our friend expectations are too high. I guess we're looking for friends like our own. But those friendships were established over years and years. I met my best friend Katie, when I was in grade two. She was probably six and I was seven or eight, depending.. Rob met his friends when he was around that same age as well. We share the same stories because we grew up together. It's much more difficult doing that now with people. We're working on it. I am not being too picky, really. I've got my eyes out and maybe that's the problem. I wasn't looking when I stumbled upon Rob. He wasn't either. Once we stop looking that'll be when we find some good friends.

My brother and his girl are coming for a short lived visit this weekend. I am really excited. He was needed in the family and so we got him here. I think he's a bit surprised that we did this much to get him here but he's thrilled as well. Again we await their arrival today. This time I know what to expect and I am not at all nervous. It's my family. I love when they come to visit me. I am the youngest and when my older siblings and their spouses come to stay at my/our house I am beyond proud.

Here's to a good weekend with people that have known me as long as I've existed! Now that's a comforting thought.

Busy Bee

This is often the face I give Joe.. "Don't!"















So many days have passed since I last posted. My blog is no longer something I go to when I am sad or lonely. When I first started my blog it was to keep my mind occupied. I had really very little going for me. I had just moved and I have written about it far too much. The point is that I was bored with my life and I valued the time I had to write in my blog. It used to be the very thing that I did in a day. I would wake up late, eat my big breakfast that I'd cook for myself, go on the computer for a few hours reading other blogs and commenting. Back then I had quite a few people to check up on. Today they seem to be few and far between. Suz, Mama, Cassie... Where are they all now? (that's besides the point..) I wouldn't have anyone to phone, or a job to go to. I just can't believe how much my life has changed since then. Did Rob really rescue me from that life I was living?

Today I worked, as usual until closing. I am fortunate with my job. We are only opened until 5:00. I got home around 5:30. I did my weight exercises, push ups and sit ups and went out for my "Run". (although 70% of the time I am "speed" walking.) I got home, showered and threw some clothes in the wash. I finished up whatever dishes I could and heated up our left overs from last night. It was even difficult to will myself into the computer room to write "that blog I have to get written." I love that I give myself homework to this very day.

"I haven't written in my journal for .. three days. I better catch up on those three days....three pages for you Miss. Parenteau."

"Your blog is getting terribly out dated. You haven't written in it since last week!"

Soon my writing workshop starts. I am really looking forward to working on real assignments. I think I just miss english class. I don't really miss much else from highschool. Well there is that entire feeling of belonging to a large group; my grad class. I do miss breaks and lunches with my fellow graduates. There are so many people I haven't seen since graduation. I miss the people I grew up around. I don't even necessarily have to know them all that well to miss them that little bit.

This weekend was my sisters birthday. She turned a whopping 27. I always rememebered wishing all of my life that I was her age. Gosh, what I wouldn't give to be Kyli's age so that I could do all the things that she got to do! Then my mom would say..." One day you'll be happy with your age and it is Kyli that will wish that she was as old as you." When I think of 27 for me, I expect to be working at a career, not at a coffee shop. I hope to be at an easier place than I am at now. Even though things feel pretty good now, they could be better. Money could be better, our living situation could improve. I hope to be proud of myself, like I am now.

My car was broken into in Victoria, while we were visiting. I can't explain the feeling I got when I peered through the window of my car, seeing all of the contents from my glove box spewed all over the passenger side. I felt violated and pissed off that someone had been in my car. But luckily we gutted the little sunfire before we locked all the doors and went on with our night. So the clever, little thief got nothing but a bag full of change that couldn't have been more than.. $5.00 altogether. So HA. Now since my lock on the driver's side is out of order. I've decided to keep my car unlocked, with nothing valueable inside. This way, other thiefs can take a look whenever, then they can see that there's nothing for them inside and go on their dishonest ways. Kind of like a shop owner leaving the cash register open with the flaps up, so that any burglar that may cross the shop's path, will see it is empty and not break it open.

" I feel busy." I said to Rob before I jumped up to write in my blog today. I was laying in his arms on the couch after eating my supper. I was doing nothing at all. Even when I am doing very little, I still feel busy. At least I feel like I am doing something with myself, rather than just writing in my blog and feeling fufilled.


Cheers big ears! Ky's 27!
















Cutie Couple















There she is...not baaaad for 27!