Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Closure In So Many Ways


Okay I went back to my home town Hinton, Alberta this weekend. There was one main reason when Rob and I set out on Friday night; to get my things from Paul.

But I realized that going back was meant to happen for a number of reasons.

First off, I realize how much more amazing this guy is. Rob has done so much for me already. But taking me back to where I used to live, over ten hours away one weekend to pick my things up from my ex boyfriend was huge. For Rob to have to see my ex and to have to see me see my ex for the first time... was a big deal. But he is mature enough to do this for me, jealous free and with so much thought. He wanted to make sure I was happy the entire time. He kept saying, "are you happy.. Is there anything else you want to do before we leave, anything at all, I'll do it for you.."
This guy is so great and I am so proud that he did all of this for me.

I needed to go and get my mom's things from Paul. He was supposed to bring them when he came for his things. But Paul is such a procrastinater that we all knew this wasn't going to happen any time soon. So by us going, we got what we wanted and we were nice and decided to bring a few items for Paul. I brought him his guitar and some winter clothes, etc. But not everything because he can come for it himself. I stand firmly on that one. And I will not back down. My mom wanted to get her lawn mower and I really wanted us to have our Christmas tree in time for Christmas. It's bad enough mom wants to skip Christmas altogether but this way, now we have our tree back, so she can't.

Seeing Paul was different. He looked different. Rob described it as, "shameful". He looked like a puppy that just got into trouble... It was difficult to look at him. I remember we did the guitar exchange... I said, "here's your life back.." and as I said that he was saying, "my life!" So I am glad that we brought something for him. This way, we end up looking good. The exchange of things went well. I know Paul's girlfriend so she came up to me and gave me quite a hug. She was good about it. Kristen, Paul's sister was kind of sad..and My baby, Drake was asleep in his car seat. I was disapointed because I wanted to see him so badly. But Kristen later phoned me back and invited Rob and I out for breakfast with just her and Drake. YAH! So I did get to see my baby and he is great! I am going to post pictures of him later today or tomorrow. I am like a proud mother when it comes to this little guy.

Leaving the driveway, was my way of leaving Paul. Leaving Hinton was like leaving Paul, for good. And it felt bittersweet. Not because I want him back, but because we had something there in Hinton, but that's it. We have nothing anymore and it feels refreshing.

I saw his parents at L&W Restaurant by crazy chance. I couldn't believe it. I went up to them and they looked shocked but they both hugged me. Denise looked like I felt; tearful. But again, seeing the two of them made me feel really great about myself and my new situation. They were very pleased to hear that I have a new boyfriend. They truly are great people. For them to be able to be happy for me, is a beautiful thing. The visit was wonderful and short lived like the entire trip, which was also perfect.

I visited Rudi's mom and dad, my grand parents. They were excited and very shocked to see me. We took pictures and I really don't think I've ever felt so welcome. I think that my presence was like a piece of Rudi. They miss him and by seeing me, it was like having a bit of him there. They had their arms all around me in the picture which I will be sure to post. I just felt so great leaving their house, with Rob. They told him to take care of me, and hoped to see him again. (haha, grandparents are so funny because they're so literal.)

My girl Katie is looking absolutely fantastic. I couldn't be happier with what I saw of her this weekend. She looks great. Not only does she look hot as hell, she is genuinely happy and well I think her new guy, Eric has a lot to do with that. It was really nice to be back at the Bouchard's as well. Thank you Wendy for having us!! We really appreciated it!! Seeing Carmelle again was like old times. Not a lot has changed there in Hinton.

As we drove towards Jasper, I had a hard time. There are so many memories along that drive of Rudi and our family hikes. Rob stopped a few times for me to take pictures of the mountains.. It was tough leaving that behind because it was like a lot of Rudi is still there because I can honestly say that that is Rudi's favourite place in the whole world still to this day. He loved nature and his mountains. Rudi's spirit is clearly there as we drove through. Rob and I played on Rudi's pool table at Master's. We asked some guys if they wouldn't mind letting me play on his table and I showed them the plaque, and explained that he was my dad and I needed to play on it. So I did get a lot of the things I wanted to get done. Rudi was a bit of a "smoker" of the greens and well, I got to smoke a little myself in his old chair... won't get into detail, but it was special..

Hinton. The town itself is the same. Not only is it blah there, but it's also freakin' freezing. The temperature change is so drastic. My lips are so dry still. The weather in Alberta is gross and I am so glad that we returned to our little island last night.

As we were gliding over sheer ice on the Coquihala Highway, I said, "we're not on our little island anymore..." It's so apparent once we leave. I swear, Vancouver Island is Canada's best kept secret. I am proud to be living here and I am not looking back..


acumamakiki said...

That sounds like a nice weekend, bittersweet as you said but good closure. I'm happy for you!!

Suz said...

Sounds like it was a nice, successful weekend. Iam so glad that you got all of your things back and that you got to see so many people.

I enjoyed reading your post, Haley You sound wonderful!

Hugs Suz

holli said...

This was a very mature post, Haley. Sometimes you have to see where you've been to appreciate where you are.. Well, and to appreciate where you were.

Your mom was right about it taking forever to get her stuff back, wasn't she!! I'm glad you are forcing her to not skip Christmas. Is she still updating her blog? I don't have the link. I've wondered how she is doing.

I'm glad you're doing so well. Have you ever gone back and read your blog from beginning to end? There's a big change.. you know that - don't you?


Gillian Young said...

You've got some great positive energy going. I live for closure and am glad you were able to get some. It can tear you apart when you don't. You also sound like you're in an amazing relationship now. Give my love to beautiful BC, the Pacific ocean and the trees.

holli said...

Haley - I said CHANGES not CHANCES. You have made a lot of CHANGES since the beginning of your blog.

Dear Lord - and I thought only Faith confused C with G. :)

Haley said...

HAHAHA Sooooo funny! I even had to read it like three times to get it. HAHa.. Too funny!


Angela said...

Sounds like a great weekend. It's neat how you figure out how good you have things when you see what you had before. It sounds like this new guy is great!
Glad you got to go to some places that Rudi enjoyed. I'm sure that made you feel good.

Anonymous said...

You sound so at peace Haley! I am so glad you went and 'not lookin back' anymore.

But please fill me in on that cute little baby Drake? Is that your ex's girlfriens' son?

Isn't it amazing how something we dread doing turns out to be such a blessing?

Haley said...

Drake is My ex boyfriend's nephew. Kristen, his sister, had him..
He is also mine because I love him so much.


holli said...

:) yes, my point was that I've noticed a change from the beginning of your blog.. like a little Haley book. I'm hoping for a happy ending!

so far.. so good!!!

TRUTHZ said...

my first time to your page...deep. i did some of what you did this past summer. i went back to chicago so that i could come to terms with my childhood. i visited canada once, we drove across canada to go to Edmonton, my mother is a shopaholic. i am not sure how close that is to hinton, but it was beautiful, nonetheless.

Anonymous said...

What a great site » »

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! »