Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Tips On Passing The Good Mom Test

 I've been a mom for oh, one year and a bit. I tell people at work that Alina was being a real a-hole without thinking that it sounds harsh. I'm honest about it and I don't sugar coat how life is going. I don't pretend to know it all but there are certainly some things that I think I do know. (Not all of them are from my own hands on experience as a mom.) With Mother's Day around the corner (ahem- May 11th) I've put together a little list of 5 Tips On How To Pass The Good Mom Test.

//1  Marry a good man in hopes that he will be an even better father. I heard a quote and since then it has stayed with me; 90% Of Being A Dad Is Showing Up. Too true! My parents split up when I was very little and my mom met and remarried my step dad shortly after. I always had a dad and a step dad. I know how important a father is in a kid's life. I know even more, now that I'm a parent myself. If you can help it; pick a good one so that your babies will grow up with a positive, male role model.

...even if it's only 90% of him showing up.
//2  Listen! I don't mean on the other end of the phone line while your kid is talking either.  (Do they even have 'other end of the phone line' these days?) I think it's important to listen to your kids because there's a really good chance that you're not hearing everything that they're saying (and not saying.) It sounds confusing but I think that every kid asks for help from their parents in their own way, you just have to listen for it.

 //3.  Space and Trust. Even nine year old children need space. If your little one is quiet after school but doesn't want to share maybe just wait until she's ready to. If there's a diary; don't read it. Everyone deserves their privacy. Find ways to have your child open up, without being a helicopter parent. I give my mom lots of credit because I don't feel like she was a hovering mom, yet I opened up to her and told her things a lot of girls wouldn't share with their moms.

Although space is a tough one to give a one year old.. You always want to smooch or snuggle them!
 //4  Relax and adopt a laid back approach. Rob has helped me develop my laid back approach when it came to Alina's first year. Before she was sleep trained, there was a time when she would freak and lose her mind when we tried to put her down to sleep. We tried everything; rocking, singing, taking her for walks, changing her into cooler clothes, etc. The entire time it was Rob who would try different things. He was never flustered like I was and he attacked it like any problem he faced; with ease and common sense. I think I am very laid back for a new mom. But I also think I will be more challenged as Alina grows up and we're faced with different issues.

Like- it's okay for the baby to wander around on the counter tops eating full oranges all to herself.. peel and all....................................
 //5  Love her, be kind to her but still kick her ass when she needs it. I don't want to be Alina's best friend. (Yeah right, I totally do.) I want her to respect and like me. I want her to come to me when she needs someone to talk to. But I am okay with her going to one of her aunties for advice that may make her and I both uncomfortable. I can respect that. I'm also going to be understanding and open minded when and if she does come to me with those awkward questions. No matter how close we are; she will still always need an ass kicking. I know I sure did. I could be pretty disrespectful and bratty with my mom but she still scared the hell out of me. I think fear is important. The porridge theory; not too little or too much; juuuuust the right amount of fear.

I imagine this is Alina's future teenage eye roll...
 There are many more points that I thought of after, but let's keep it short and less preachy. Especially since I'm an amateur at this whole mom thing.

What do you think is key to being a good mom?


Megan Campbell said...

Ahhh I love this post. It's so cute to see what you've learned in one short year and what you can now relate to your relationship with YOUR mom. I can't wait for that day...well I can but you know what I mean.

And you know I love any post thats full of Alina pictures. Seriously I can't get over how freakin cute she is!

Jade Wright said...

I agree with Megan - this post surely shows what a good mum you have naturally become (along with Rob) during your year as being a parent.

I LOVED Alina's future teenage eye roll comment - hahahaha I did have a good chuckle!

Wonderful post - as always its sweet, personal, filled with love and lessons. I think one day, when I have a child, I'll probably start reading your entire blog from the start to see your stories and share them with you again :) xxxx

Amanda said...

Haha I think you sound like an amazing mom and Alina is lucky to have you! xx

Rachel said...

I think what I appreciated most about our Mom was that she never, to us, or to others, said anything to indicate she'd rather not be a mom. I always heard that raising babies was exactly what she wanted to do with her life, that she was so blessed to have us, couldn't imagine life without us, we brought her so much joy and fun and she loves spending time with us. And I know her well enough to know that she truly believes and means all of that. I hear a lot of Mom saying negative things about parenting and having kids like "kids ruined my body" etc. and I think of how that would have made me feel as a kid--not good!

Areeba said...

Haley you're such a cool mum! To be honest, you sound much like my own mum. No matter what happens, I tell her everything in the end because she's the only person I am afraid of. But sometimes, I'm a typical teenager who would do that eye roll haha.