Friday, July 05, 2013

A Lifetime of Scribbles

I have been writing in a journal, everyday since December 31, 1996. So I have a record of my life for the past seventeen years come this New Year's. What started as a project between two friends turned into a lifetime of records. When I first started the journal I was eleven and had a lot of time on my hands. My journal entries from back then are lengthily and pretty descriptive. In the last ten years, the entries have turned into a single page and each entry is usually about what I did that day. There are days that I don't write in it, but I almost treat it as homework and fill in the date I missed and write as though it is that day and record what I did. So there are times in the evening where I'm writing in my journal for an hour, trying to remember what I did last Tuesday. I often have to ask Rob and he's actually getting pretty good at recollecting our day to day for me.
 It's strange because I know that I could just stop. I could even just write in it whenever I thought about it. But I can't stop. It is a part of me and what I do everyday. I'm not too thrilled with the fact that Alina will look at my journals once I am gone with her siblings and see how imperfect I am. She'll know all of the bad things I did as a teenager and read about all of the mistakes I made. It was never meant for my children or anyone for that matter. It was just for me. So why am I almost OCD about keeping up with it? My Auntie's mother in law kept a diary for 80 something years. I think that will probably be me. I'll have a book shelf stacked with journals from my life.
 I have each journal numbered and I also have a journal log so that I can find a certain date quickly if I ever need to. The journals have come in handy for us a number of times. Most importantly I can look back at entries I wrote, about people that have passed. It's nice to be able to read about my loved ones that are no longer here. I remember looking through old journals when my step dad Rudi died. I just scanned the pages for his name. I haven't done it for my dad just yet. I visited dad on the weekends and in the summer so I will have weekend long entries about him. I look forward to delving into my past with dad sometime soon..
 I do have a fantasy that one day one of my kids will be into writing like me. I imagine she/he will go through all of my journals and put together a memoir from my point of view and it will become a best seller.  It will be my dream come true, after I am gone. I always said I wanted to be a "famous" author. Emphasis on famous, of course.
 So I suppose it will be a gift to my children, one day to be able to look on their mom's life and really find out who I am.. outside of being their mother.

My trunk full to the brim with my journals and special mementos from my life..


Noor Unnahar said...

It's great to read about your writing experience . I love to write but I am not good at secret keeping so my journals don't last long . I wish I could have a treasure like yours :)
Got you from Whitney's blog , I am now sticking around .
Noor @ Noor's Place

Haley said...

Thanks Noor! You are officially my 2nd follower! I like how you call my journals my treasures. That's a good way of looking at it!

Allison said...

What a wonderful gift you will be able to share with your children. I can't think of anything better! You are amazing!

Brianna said...

Wow. I'm jealous, honestly. That is so spectacular and truly a blessing to share with your children.