Thursday, July 25, 2013

Nice Gestures Anyone?

Tomorrow marks an anniversary for my husband Rob and I. We both moved from our home towns on July 26, 2005 to move to Vancouver Island. We moved for entirely different reasons of course. We had no idea we would meet months later, in a pub surrounded by all new acquaintances. But we did. It was pretty awesome too. Awesome is a total understatement when I think of the past eight years. It's pretty unbelievable that we met each other. Not because our town is so big, because it isn't. Not because there were tons of people our age living here, because there weren't and still aren't. But when I moved out here, I had a boyfriend. We went on a trip to see all of his family so he could say goodbye days before leaving for the island. On our drive home, we got into a roll over accident and he totaled his brand new truck. He had to stay and figure out what he was going to do about it. I had the choice in front of me; to stay with him and meet up with my mom later. Or, go with my freshly widowed mom to start our new life. I chose my mom and that would have to be the BEST decision I've made to date. If I hadn't done that, who knows what my life would be like today. My ex never came. He called a few weeks later to say he wasn't going to come. He couldn't move away and that he had met someone else. (He didn't tell me he met someone else, but I found out.) He broke up with me and I was devastated! SO- If we didn't get in our car accident and if I hadn't decided to go along with my mom solo .. then I never would have been dumped at that particular time... and I never would have had my eyes open for that new, dark haired, BLUE eyed, hotty at the pub. I would not have asked my cousin and her friends who he was, over and over again.
 I think when a couple meets in their early twenties like we did, there is A LOT to learn. We had to learn to live together, we had to learn to grow up together.. We had to get over little things that ultimately didn't matter. It was a challenge but well worth it. So July 26th is always an important day. It's the first date that really kick starts the beginning of "Us".
 My post today is to ask for advice and suggestions. Rob brought it to my attention last night, that I don't do nice things for him. Ever. Of course I denied this accusation as soon as it left his lips. But, after mulling it over in my head, I decided that he was right. I'm not sure if it's because we've been together for so long. I think part of the reason is because I was pregnant for nine months and Rob was always doing nice things for me. I think I got used to these thoughtful gestures and didn't really notice when they were continuing after I had Alina. I was pregnant and felt like I deserved this special treatment because I was huge, tired, carrying his baby and going through all the "fun" involved with being pregnant and losing control of my body. I didn't think to return the favours because he was the lucky one NOT pregnant. So now, it's been nearly five months since I had Alina and I still have that attitude in my mind. I don't have it on purpose. But I haven't really been considering him much. It's quite awful when I think about it. But I also think it's nice that he brought it to my attention because I know that if he didn't this could have possible gone on for years!
 This year for his birthday I woke with the flu. I was in the bathroom all night and morning. My body ached and I felt hor-ri-ble! The worst, I had felt in a long, long time. So I sort of called off his birthday in my mind. I was sick, he would understand. We went out to buy the Westfalia van. But once we returned home, I was done for the day. I snuggled up on the couch and felt sorry for myself. I didn't make him dinner, I didn't bother grabbing him a pre-made cake, nothing. He was obviously very disappointed. Now when I think back to it, I certainly could have done something. He was right to be upset and disappointed. I justified it because I was so sick. I see my side but I see his side more, now that it's months ago.  He also made a point of all of the nice things he does for me. He buys me my favourite juice if he sees it at the store or he'll grab a frozen yogurt after work and makes sure to bring me one too. It's the little things that make me feel good about me. But I forgot that he needs some of these little things too.
 This is where you blogging friends come in. I need your help! I am going to start Operation Do Nice Things For Hubby tonight. I have massage oil to give him a nice back massage before bed. He just started working out last week and his back has been pretty sore. Normally he would beg me to give it a rub and I would roll my eyes, moan in disdain and I would half heartedly give him one that would last two minutes. I know that you all don't know him, so you don't know what he likes. But, I almost need a somewhat grand gesture. Or even things that you have done for your loved ones. Any ideas are very much appreciated.
 It's sad that the people we love the most, are the ones that get the worst in us. A person could bump me when I'm in an awful mood and I would probably say sorry to them. But if Rob did I'd probably lose my shit. I am always thoughtful towards others. I just had a bunch of baby pictures of Alina developed to send to my grandmother in Alberta. I like to do things for others. So why wouldn't I think to do them for him!? I feel quite bad about my behaviour. I'm determined to set things right. With your help, I'd like to get started right away!

Look at how cute he is.. He deserves nice things!

5 comments:

Areeba said...

Oh boy, it's an amazing idea. Men DESERVE the good treats too. I don't know much much (I'll be asking mum) But the best thing mum do for dad is to cook his favourite food. My tips are just only a shot, I have no man *Sigh*
Wear his favourite colour. Cook him yummy food. Tell him he's looking awesome (Hot?) He's the best thing that's ever been mine.
Helps?

Areeba said...

Pardon, I used the lyrics in last one. BAM! He's the best thing that's ever been *yours*.

Jade Wright said...

Can't believe he said you don't do nice things for him!!!! I bet you have :) he just wants more hahaha

Hmm... well... massage oil always works wonders ;)

I love cooking a nice meal up for my man, candles.... underneith their manly demeanor all men love to be romanced too! So show him you made an effort in making him his ultimate favorite dish... maybe with a little gift 'just because!' like a CD he's been wanting for a while or something from a band you know he likes.
Take him OUT for dinner or lunch ... his favorite spot. Whatever you do... make it all about HIM. Don't opt for a chick flick or moan when he wants to watch Fast and Furious 6, suck it up and if he ever moans about watching the notebook with you later on in life nail him with your sacrifice ;) hahahahaha

www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

Noor said...

Just after reading it , mission "helping Haley" has started in my mind . It's so nice of you that you actually care , so it's the REAL time to make a move for him , ahan .
1) Sing a song for him , something from Taylor Swift's collection ( probabs the one Areeba spoke of)
2) Make cake/dessert/anything sweetish to him .
3) Ask him what dress you should wear for the night/evening .
4) PLEASE GO ON A HUBBY DATE
5) Play xbox or anything guyish with him ( if he is into gaming so what're ya waiting for?)
6)Remind him of the days when we guys were dating , young love AWW!

So grab your notebook and write everything me & others have written . Who knows when an emergency comes? START !

Noor @ Noor's Place

menopausalweirdness said...

I bet all he wants more than anything is just your undivided attention. A little time and attention goes a long way. So does massage oil.... And Cake - you owe him a cake.