From My Vantage Point

 I sit in my backyard, the sun beats harshly on my freshly shaved legs peeking out from beneath the patio shade. I hear the faint humming of the fan in Alina's bedroom window, blowing cool air towards her as she sleeps in her crib. The back of her neck damp with sweat and the mohawk Daddy fashioned in her hair yesterday after her bath is wilting limply from the heat. There are just a couple of birds chirping lightly in the distance in comparison to the dozen I'd heard early this morning through my open window. Alina coughs and spits out her soother waking her into a temporary panic. I rush into plug her and find her big blue eyes looking up at me in mild confusion. She sees me and closes her eyes knowingly. A close call. I sigh in relief and hear the oven timer beeping urgently. Ten minutes have gone by since I placed one beer into the freezer for me to sip in the sun. The weekend leaves me with a cooler of  forgotten lukewarm brews bobbing in water that was once cool ice chunks. The first sip of a beer is always my favourite. The taste hits your tongue and coats your mouth with that wheat beer taste. It could be colder, but I am too content to return it to the freezer. The lawn is lush and green and needs a good mowing. I would do it myself but I wouldn't be able to hear baby girl if she woke from her siesta.
 It seems as though summer has finally started. The past few weeks were filled with rain and clouds and the occasional sunny or at least warm day. Now the temperatures are in the late twenty's and the house is muggy and warm. Fans are situated in windows in hopes of keeping the house at a decent temperature. I look ahead at the summer that is before me. Most of my company has been and gone already. I have each day off with Alina to enjoy the sunshine and free afternoons. This feeling I have is.. appreciation. I appreciate so many things in my world right now. Alina is my obvious first. She is growing so rapidly and with each day she shows us something new and exciting. Different sounds are coming out of her and just yesterday she stared up at me with her lovey eyes and she gently touched my cheek and then grabbed my nose and we had quite a mommy-daughter moment. I not only love my husband but I like him. I like him a lot. I can definitely say that he's my best friend. I enjoy spending time together with Alina as a family. We do our fair share of laughing and that would probably be my favourite part of us. The laughter. The goofing around and not taking ourselves too seriously. I appreciate the year I get for maternity leave. I can't imagine not having this first year with Alina. I am loving the weather, the blue, clear sky and the nature happening all around me. I love that it is 2:11 in the afternoon and I am sitting outside in the shade, with my legs up, computer in lap and a beer beside me, doing what I love the most; writing. Life sure feels good at this point. I don't have a lot going on but I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for. Things happen in life for a reason and at the time it is so hard to imagine why tragedy strikes. But, then I am presented with all of these gifts now and I can fully understand the why. I'm even grateful for it in a way. If I didn't have loss, I wouldn't have what I am staring out at right now.

My Life.