Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Crazy Shit Rob Does! Chapter Three

  I missed posting about my crazy husband last month because of all of the chaos that comes with Christmas and travel. But don't worry, I have a fantastic Chapter of Crazy Shit Rob Does! here today on the blog. To get a better understanding of what I am dealing with on a regular basis, just check out other crazy things he's done in the past;

 Chapter Three; "The Crazy Shit Rob Does ...  with his new Bear Grylls knife."

 So this Christmas I was sort of crapping in my pantaloons when I heard that Rob had all of his  Christmas presents for me, bought by the end of November. I had NOTHING. Oh wait, I did buy him a $5 single egg sized frying pan. So yeah, I was screwed. 

 I always played with the idea of buying Rob a Bear Grylls' Ultimate Fine Edge Knife. He loves Bear and has watched every single Man Vs. Wild and has also encouraged me to watch many alongside him. The Ultimate Fine Edge Knife comes with a flint and fire starter on the knife blade. This is the feature that had me most interested. 
 Every survival show we ever watch Rob is just itching to do whatever it is that the people on t.v. are doing. Whether that be starting a fire with an SOS pad, a coat hanger and a mirror... he wants to do it too. One time someone on youtube said that it was possible to start a fire with an orange, a rock and a stick. No joke, it was 11 at night and he was outside getting a rock and a stick. Then, when it didn't work he realized that the video was a joke. BUT- my point is; he still tried it! He always comments that if our plane crashed, he'd be able to keep us alive, no problem. I swear, Rob not-so secretly wishes his plane would crash just so he could go into full on survival mode. If this happened- everyone, including myself (if we lived!!) would be beyond devastated. Rob would already be out looking for firewood and he would feel like his life had truly begun.

 I can't count how many times he's uttered the phrase; "Oh, I could do that- but better..." when we watch Survivor. That man needs to go on Survivor if they ever made one for us Canadians because he would tear it up. Although, his Slytherin qualities would come out for all of the world to see and he would be instantly cast as a villain. I'd never be able to handle it! 

 It was less than a week from Christmas day and I managed to get out in Thunder Bay to purchase this knife. But I had my doubts. I wasn't sure if he would appreciate a knife that cost as much as it did. He isn't a guy that is always out in the wilderness or the kind of man that would go hunting with some buddies. I didn't have any other good ideas, so I bought the nearly $100 knife and hoped for the best. 

 I couldn't have been more mistaken! He loves the knife. I mean, ridiculously loves it. As soon as we opened all of our presents and Alina was sent up for a nap, he disappeared. I found him lighting a fire in the middle of the backyard with his knife! Later on in the week, his dad saw him coming inside from being in the garage. He asked him what he was doing. Rob replied, "Oh I was starting a fire in the garage." I love that his dad probably just shrugged and accepted that as normal. Let's be honest, when it comes to Rob; that is normal! 

 He told me ahead of time what his plans for the Christmas tree was going to be... Any guesses? He found out by doing some research on his knife, that it is also used to cut and chop small trees. Well, there you have it! On Sunday, Rob decided that he was going to take our Christmas tree down, chop it up, from the stand and then burn it by lighting a fire with..  you guessed it; his trusty survival knife! 

 I documented the entire ordeal and enjoyed it thoroughly...

First he cut the branches off of her .. (Yeah, the tree is a she, I just decided.)

He got it down to just her sad trunk. 

Then he chopped up the trunk and looked quite proud of his bad ass self.

Once the tree was off the stand, he was ready to look for some dry twigs to make a tinder bundle.

  Once he had the tinder bundle all set up, it didn't take him long to spark the flint and get the bundle aflame! Again, he looks pretty proud of himself!

 Alina woke from her nap and was very into the fun she was seeing in the backyard. So much, that I decided to wrap her in a couple of blankets and have her experience it outside with her dad. It was an afternoon of fun with "Bush Dad" and his awesome, new, multipurpose knife!

 I was quite amused throughout the whole process. Rob was in all of his glory and some pretty hilarious things were coming out of his mouth. Lucky for all of us, I wrote them all down..

"Those were some epic chops."

"This is totally what Bear would be doing with this knife."

As he finished chopping his last branch he says, " as a razor."

Haley: "You're like a beaver!"
Rob: "Can a beaver start a fire with its teeth?"

"It's been kind of a dream of mine, to do something like this. You did good for once!" (Apparently I don't do too good when it comes to purchasing gifts for Rob...)

"Haley- I may have burnt some hair off of my arm. But don't we all.. from time to time!?"
"No." (No, no we do not all burn our arm hair off!)
"Smells like I burned a body? Yes, it does."

Originally Rob had me try to start a fire, but I wasn't successful. I tried for awhile and then finally told him to show me, while I video taped him...


 (Rob wanted me to add that his technique with the swiping to make fire has improved significantly since I took the video on Christmas day.) 


Anonymous said...

OMG! I was actually laughing so hard at Rob's comments that by the time I got to "Haley, I may have burnt some hair off of my arm. But don't we all..from time to time" I was tearing up real good. Awesome. Just awesome. Rob and his knife win all!

Anonymous said...

Dying. I love that you took photos of his excursion with the knife and the tree. PS. The photo of you and Alina is sooo cute. I want to squeeze her she is so cute.

Brianna said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I love this!!! Such a great gift - kudos to you! It's so hilarious that he just loves that thing so much and has to start a fire EVERYWHERE! Seriously!! Wife of the year award goes to YOU! :)

Haley said...


Haha! His little excursion was too comical not to document..! And the funniest part was that he was super stoked that I was taking all of those pictures because he was so damn proud of that knife!
Thanks! I thought the picture turned out nice too. :)

Lisa-Jade said...

This is beyond hilarious! "Bush Dad"!

Amanda said...

"Can a beaver start fire with his teeth?" is one of the best quotes ever. I love this blog instalment and was super excited to see a new one. The picture of you and Alina at the end is precious! x

Heather @ Heathers Hurrah said...

Looks like he has already gotten his money's worth out of the knife! Wife of the year! :) PS I also love this series and I get excited to read what your husband's been up to once I see the post title every time :) haha

Noor said...

What a perfect gift this knife is. I was obsessed with Man vs Wild once . But Rob's beaten Bear , haha. His chopping skills are amazing , no joke ;)

Areeba said...

Oh don't tell him but I hate Bear! Seriously I once vomited because of his wild eating habits during my dinner.
And you're such an awesome wife to buy THIS EXPENSIVE knife!

Richard Lodigiani said...

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