Wednesday, January 29, 2014

That's All

 I can't help but feel like this is the beginning of goodbyes, or the beginning of all of the endings... That sounds so dramatic.. But, I was at my Happy Fit Stroller Fitness Class yesterday and one of the moms I know mentioned being sad because her friends are moving today. I know the family a lot less than she does, so it didn't affect me as closely. But I can understand and sympathize with how sad that would be... The line of work that they're in, relocates them every few years and I can't imagine how hard that would be on everyone. You would just get comfortable with all of your friendships you've established and get all of your routines in place and then, it's time to move again. Well my friend's sadness was a bit contagious. I already had a bit of a heavy heart driving to my class today because it just so happened to be our last class. Lisa is going to Maui for a  yoga instructor course and then she and her husband are off on their next adventure. To where, no one knows just yet. So mysterious, so cool. Another ending.

 The stroller class fit so well into my routine. We have a group of friends that would try to get together once a week for a walk at the beach, a play date at someone's home or a short walk to a coffee shop. It didn't matter what the activity, we just liked getting ourselves out of the house. But, one by one, people drifted away from the group get togethers for whatever reason; going back to work, life getting busy, moving, etc. Then, I met Lisa and she mentioned her stroller fit classes. I mentioned it to my friends and all of a sudden we had a place to go, something new and something to get us fit. Win, win, win! I will proudly brag that I ended up going to every single one of Lisa's stroller classes. There were some ladies that came and went, but there was always the same handful of us throughout. Now that Lisa is going, we've decided to keep up with the classes on our own. Obviously we won't have the gym to work in, but we will try to go to the trails nearby and do the workout routine we did on Tuesday. (More details to come on the MHB post on Friday.)

World's Best Mom; Alina is under my mittens.....
  I couldn't help but feel slightly emotional about the class ending, Lisa leaving. But I know it's more than just that. I think I'm really beginning to feel that my maternity leave is coming to an end. My days of snuggling on the couch with Alina are coming to an end. Our breakfast dance parties, our leisure walks to and from the grocery store and our one on one bonding time throughout the day is all coming to an end and I feel s.a.d. I'll be doing the dishes and I will just look over at her stuffing as many banana chunks into her mouth and I'll feel the impulse to burst into tears. I haven't yet, but I'm really, really good at avoiding my feelings. I am really, really good at directing my thoughts on other things.

Alina and I from the very beginning...
  That's all, really. I'm feeling down because I'm afraid of how bad it's going to feel to have someone else essentially raise my daughter. I know I'll get used to it because everyone does. But, for right now.. I don't feel like knowing better, I just feel like feeling sad about it. That's all.

10 comments:

Tabitha @ Wandering Java Lover said...

Transitions are so hard so sometimes. I know I am not good at them. Hope it gets easier for you.

Love you "hiding" Alina behind your mittens. lol

Amanda said...

As someone who is currently working in childcare trust me, the other person might be spending more time with your child, but no one NO ONE ever replaces mom. Seriously, the thing kids get the most excited about is showing/doing something with mom. x

Alex[andra] said...

I wish I had words of comfort to give you but since I haven't experienced the joys of motherhood yet, I feel like I'm too inexperienced in this department to attempt to say something comforting. I will, however, say that I think it is so awesome that you were in a stroller fitness class! I always dreamed that when I become a mommy, I'd do something like that too. I also have a feeling that when I'm a mommy, I'll have the same apprehension you have right now. The nice thought is that when you come home from work, you'll get to be with Alina. In only a few short years, she'll be in school. Before you know it, she'll be a teenager that's talking back at you because you won't let her stay out until 2am at some sketchy party.

I didn't help at all, did I?

Hugs?

Kerri Christie said...

I'm sorry I made you sad! I have been feeling very emotional lately as well and for more than the reason you mentioned. I think as Moms we take everything to heart more as we now view the world through the eyes of these precious people we created. Go easy on yourself over the next couple of months (or more) and remember: no matter what you are #1 in Alina's heart!

Jade Wright said...

Hey Haley, sorry to hear you are feeling a bit blue lately. Change is a great thing and can bring around some really new and exciting times if you let it. Just keep trying to let that fun-loving, optimistic woman I see if photo's every week shine through and combat this. Embrace it and enjoy it - before you know it you could become stuck in a rut.. although from the sounds of your days with Alina that is the furthest thing from a rut and actually sounds divine...... but you never know what will be around the next bend Hals... so keep smiling that pretty smile and revel in the fact that you get to watch your gorgeous daughter grow and learn and idolize you! It is something so special and as you grow together you will only be brought closer - a bond like yours is unbreakable! I can promise you that much xxxx


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Brianna said...

You can do it! I cannot even begin to imagine the stress and feelings that go along with losing what you've been accustomed to for so long, but I know that YOU GOT THIS! You have an amazing family and you're so good at balancing 'crazy' {from what I can tell}. Alina is so lucky to have such a badass mama! :)

Thinking of you!

Noor said...

oh Haley , it's indeed so hard. I can't even imagine it right now . But I'm sure you'll get along well with everything. Don't be sad , it just happens and that's all (see , you're already wise enough to use "that's all")

Happy Fit said...

Hey Haley! It's okay to be sad! Change is hard. It makes us stronger.

I'm soooo happy to have met you and Alina and Rob and all of the other moms and babes - if it weren't for you my little visit to the Island would have been super boring. So thank you times a million.

Big Hugs! Aloha!

Megan Campbell said...

Oh no :( I'm so sorry your time at home is coming to an end. You're allowed to be a bit sad right now as long as you continue to soak up Alina snuggles and squeezes every second. Sending you love <3

Rachel said...

I hate goodbyes, even though they've been a frequent part of my life. Dang, it's even hard for me to think about the fact that from 1.5 years old and onwards, my baby sister has been growing up without me as a regular part of her life because I moved out at that time.