Wednesday, February 12, 2014

My Baby Is Like A Drunk And I Love Him But ... Link Up

 Today I wanted to explain why my baby daughter, who is eleven months old is exactly like a drunk..

A drunk (and this comes from my own personal drunk binging experiences) is always ravenous when he comes home from drinking. Anything and everything looks so good to eat. A drunk will eat like it's his first meal in days and his last meal ever. Sloppy, careless and out of control.

 It always seems like Alina is starving when I feed her. I will usually have a plate of chicken, some veggies and some kind of fruit for her to eat. If she sees the food or gets an idea that food is on the way; she turns into a belligerent drunk at a hockey game, yelling obscene baby gibberish at me. She mows down like it's her last meal and when she feeds herself it is exactly like a drunk at the end of a long night of drinking. It gets up her nose, in her hair- it gets everywhere!

The first time we gave her anything to eat on her own...
Once a drunk is home, from whatever fun they left it is expected that at any moment he will pass out. Typically it happens when watching t.v. or while on the phone waiting for an answer to a drunk dial. When it came to my sister (back in her glory days of drinking) she would often fall asleep with mouthfuls of food. (Imagine my mother's horror when she found her with cheeks full of pizza one night.)

 This is often the case with babies. This hasn't happened with Alina yet, but it happens more with toddlers. It's funny that I mentioned my sister falling asleep with food in her mouth because over the summer, her daughter did just that when they were visiting!

Like mother, like daughter.
 A drunk gets louder and more obnoxious as the night wears on. Alina has no sense of volume control and is extremely obnoxious when it's an hour before her bedtime.

 A drunk has the confidence of a thousand Kim Kardashians. Dancing can be a daunting task to an overweight man with zero rhythm. Give him a few drinks and he's the first one on the dance floor. Alina hears a song she likes and she starts bobbing her head up and down and does this weird little shoulder shrug, like she can't help it... she's just feeling the music. I've seen toddlers dance and it always reminds me of a drunk, fat guy dancing at a night club.

 A drunk will arrive from the bar and not know how he got home. He often will wake up in random places. I've heard stories of people waking up on the couch of the neighbour's house (true story), or waking up in your roommate's bed (oops, wrong room) or even waking up in the bathtub.

Don't ask how she got there folks... But guaranteed if you asked her she wouldn't know what the hell you were talking about!
  Finally, drinking leads to confidence in areas where it normally does not exist. For example; Alina does not know how to drive. She can't stand without the assistance of a coffee table or couch. So I have no idea, why, months ago,she decided to go behind the wheel and attempt driving our Westfalia Vanagon. But, just like bad decisions while drinking, this little incident just so happened to land her in jail ... baby jail.


 It is Wednesday, which means it's another edition of "I Love Him But ... Link Up!" I decided to make it a recurring thing for the month of February. Hopefully more ladies have more dirt to dish out on their significant others!

  Rob is a very involved dad. If he's home and Alina is too, he wants to be with her. If there is a choice between going somewhere with or without her, he will always, always choose to bring her along with him. It's actually quite sweet. I love how much he loves her and I love him but ...

 It makes me c-razy when he forgets that he's a dad. He gets distracted by something on his phone; a text, an e-mail, CTV Breaking News App, hockey games, phone calls, work, studying, fixing this or that etc. The list goes on and on. He's a busy, busy guy. But sometimes he forgets that he's watching Alina.. Sometimes he puts things down that he's using that I know Alina might get into pretty quickly. It's challenging enough keeping her out of things that she can easily get into but having to keep an extra eye out for a forgotten pick left on the couch or a sewing needle on the coffee table is just too much! Sometimes he just gets too into something that all of a sudden he looks up and ' oh shit!' Alina's into something again...!

Two picture texts he sent me when I was away for a couple of hours! Oh my...


 Alright, that is all for this week! Poor Rob is probably on his best behaviour knowing that I'm on the look out for good post material...


Truth Be Told

 



7 comments:

Amanda said...

I think all dads forget that they are dads sometimes. I know my dad was once home alone with me (I was Alinas age at the time) and one of his friends came over and they decided to grill burgers for dinner. They went outside to start the grill and the door locked behind them. Oh- did I mention they left me in the house? So my dad had to call my mom in an absolute panic that he had locked their toddler alone in the house. From what I hear she really, really wasn't happy.... x

Jade Wright said...

Ahhh this is such a hilarious post! Had such a laugh! Thanks so much for brightening up my day Haley - although I would get a tad nervous about the attention span ;)

www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

Brianna said...

This post - I die! So hilarious! Drunk Alina is pretty fun ;). Also, poor Rob. He tries, he really does! Haha. I had a feeling that knife would be making an appearance about being left around for Alina to get into...

Alex[andra] said...

This post was too funny! It also really, really made me want to see videos of Alina! She sounds so adorable! The baby jail made me laugh.

I have a feeling most men forget they're dads at some point or another. Especially if something good is on TV. Because they have a very limited attention span.

Not Before my Tea said...

booo I can't participate today. this is disappointing. what's more disappointing is that you don't have a video of Alina dancing. you just throw it out there that that little slice of sunshine exists in the world... but you don't share. >:|

Rachel said...

I don't think my Dad ever watched us on his own...and even now, I don't think my Mom would trust him to watch a baby that could move--highly distractable, I tell you!
I do think Angel would be good at watching babies. He has pediatric patients sometimes so he gets plenty of hands-on experience plus in general he's quite the safety-conscious person. Good to count on in the future!

Areeba said...

Oh your lovely little drunk! I've seen Alina's some of the photos while she was eating something and the food was all over her face, I didn't know how her eating business works this way haha! And yes, men really forget that they're dad. My mom never trusted dad when it came to kids hahah!