Monday, September 26, 2005

Accepting Fate

I was chatting with one of my best friends from home.. I just went off on a tangent about how I think the world works... I decided to save the entire conversation so that I could write it all down in my blog for everyone to read and ponder.

Here's how I think it works...

There is something out there, something of a higher power, in my opinion, I think of angels. I have my angel cards that I've mentioned before that I really and truly believe in. Skeptics roll your eyes and move onto another blog because I've only just begun..

Whenever you find yourself doing something, that kind of surprises you or makes you question yourself after you've done it...let it happen..and trust that it needs to happen..

I listen to music in the shower now. I am never in that shower with silence, there has to be some kind of music blasting through my polka dot shower curtain. It ranges from Fuel to Jack Johnson to the Counting Crows to I DON"T CARE WHO KNOWS IT Kelly Clarkson... Tonight I was in the shower...and randomly chose song seven. It was a mixed cd that I made for myself. It was one of those songs that I thought I knew, but ended up thinking, oh shit what a waste of a song. I don't even know the song. But for some reason I said, ahh I'll listen to it. Usually I seek over it and move on. Tonight it played and I actually listened to the words. It made me think. That's all. I replayed the song, I liked it so much. I wonder why I randomly selected the song, and why I decided to listen to it for once.

Things happen for a reason and I don't think it's because we know what we want. We are humans we do not always know... We may THINK we do, but we don't. If we knew what we wanted, and knew what was right for us..we wouldn't make mistakes. We need to make mistakes sometimes...a lot of times. For these mistakes are what build our personalities, what shape who we are.

For instance, Rudi's passing happened because him being on earth beyond that time...wouldn't have worked. As much as I'd like for him to walk through that door right now and say, "you missed me?" he can't and he won't. His debts weren't outrageous, but they were there, that was added stress that none of us knew about. I remember him saying to me, as he drove me to work... "I have been working for over thirty years at this place. And I still have another ten years before I can retire..and I hate that." Wow, huh. Well I don't think he used the word hate..he wouldn't do that. He was much too positive of a person. But do any of you see what I mean?? He wasn't happy at his work, his life was work there for a bit. Things happen.

I am persuaded to people. I think a lot of who we end up with in life, is because we are being pushed towards the right ones. And even our failed relationships.... they happened so that we could learn. I mean, they may have been mistakes..but like I said before..

I am being pushed to people now as a new person to a strange place. These people that I associate with could be my best friends that I phone every say a few months from now. I have friends here that I could never have if I lived in Hinton with Paul still. Even Paul not coming is the right thing. We wouldn't have worked and I'm glad that he's not here. I am very pleased with my new friendships more than anyone will ever know. I feel like a lot of these friends are like gifts given to me.... because I never would have ended up here if Rudi hadn't passed. It's like it's Rudi's way of making it up to us. Sending us here...for something bigger, for something better. And no not better than him..but something that we can look forward to..inspire us...encourage and LOVE us.

My new frienships are gifts from Rudi himself... He'll never truly stop giving will he...


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kyli said...

wow!! I was just talking to joe about this last night...about rudi working all of his life, for what?? He had to go before he got to enjoy his "free time". I'm glad you're able to make some sense out of all this. What do you think Rudi's gift to me is?? I'm still trying to figure that one out.... tough week, give me a call when you get home, I need some sister lovin'. Keep up the amazing work with your blogs Hay!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Haley! I am so glad I found you. You just never stop amazing me with your wisdom. I love ya girl and I could not agree with you more!

Suz said...

Wow, some of your posts come across so much older then what you are. This post brought me to tears.

I totaly agree with you Haley about all of it. I all out as I said in my last post to you, believe in those angels. They are around us all in all different ways. Did you know that when you light candles, angels come into the room, I light a candle every night. I also totally agree that without the mistakes that we have made we would not be the person we are today and yet there will still be more mistakes to made and learn from always!

And Blessed Gifts sometimes come out of the biggest mistakes we make like my darling Connor came out of a huge one I made but I would never change a thing that happened because it brought a sweet, energic Connor to me.

Anyways I could go on & on but I wont.

Again, Great Post!

Hugs Suz

holli said...

Again - this is like my little version of letting the "radio Gods" speak to me..

Just let fate take over... because it's not really in your hands in the end - is it? Whenever I try and take control - it just ends up a mess..

You crack me up - not because you're funny, just because I could be reading something I write...

Listen to the radio Gods, your gut, fate - follow the path you're given... let's see where we all end up. Hopefully it will be "happily ever after"

That's what I'm planning on.


AFGUY said...

hey angels rock! I think that you are an angel...:D

acumamakiki said...

I totally believe in angels. In fact, I know I have an amazing guardian angel because for the shit I've been through and still come out ok, well enough said.

I agree, that we come to the people in our lives for a reason, even if we don't know it or it seems like the wrong one. I wouldn't change one person or thing in my life, because it would mean that I wouldn't be where I am today. Even though I get down on myself, I still love my life enough to know that this is where I'm supposed to be, right now.

This was a lovely post.

Mama said...

You are an amazing young woman... there definitely is a plan for each of us. And I too believe that people are put together for reasons. I don't even know how I found y'all(all of you) but I know my life and my outlook are better for it! And I know angels are there too!

Thanksss for th4e hugs! right back atcha!~m

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