Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Going Solo

This morning I woke up to not having to work. Ahh, I love it. But of course I was left with what I could accomplish today.

I decided that a nice breakfast would do just the trick. In Errington there is one store that consists of a poste office, convenient/liquor store and a little diner. So I went there to see if breakfast was still on. And yes it was.

My mom didn't want to join me. She doesn't like to eat breakfast. She's kind of picky. She doesn't eat breakfast food, or milk ever. So, I went on my own.

I found a small table with two chairs in the corner and sat contently by myself. I surprised myself when I said yes to coffee? Where did that come from? Apparently I like coffee now. Why not, right. I read my book that is called, " Love Warps the Mind a Little." No shit, to that title. But as I read by myself.. and my breakfast came. I sat there thinking, this is what it's like to be alone.

I was sitting at a table for one, with my book as my company. There was one other couple in the restaurant. The funny thing about them was that they didn't even speak to eachother. They too read ignoring the other's company. Strange, but whatever. I heard the lady say, " Are you paying then?" Haha, good one just assume lady, they always fall for that one. I wasn't upset by being on my own, not having said anything more than, "thank you, no thank you and yes please." I knew as soon as I entered the establishment that I'd be paying for my own meal and I knew that I wouldn't be saying too much... I was content though. That was the beautiful thing.

I thought to myself, normally I would've been sitting here with Paul. He would've loved it there. He's in my thoughts regularly. My walks along the ocean are so peaceful and calming. But those are the times when I think of him the very most. I think that he is missing out on such a new, refreshing kind of life. But I know that he's content at his own life as well. He was never one to venture off on his own. I knew that, I always did.

I just kept thinking in that quaint little diner, that this is how life is. We're alone, on our own most of our life anyways. We were born alone, went to our first day of school alone... we do most things on our own. We are our own companion that we know will never go away. So I sit here thinking, being on my own isn't so bad. It's virtuous being on my own. I learn more, I feel more... I am more intune with my spirit.

It's peculiar how one or more relationships of say.... six years altogether, can make a person feel lonely when they're single. Yet, the fourteen years before that of being on my own is somewhat forgotten??

Love warps the mind a little... Amen.


Anonymous said...

And being alone is something I have never done well. Though I must say since having kids I do seek more alone time, just to clear my mind and think of nothing, nothing but what I want or need.

It is funny, when you commit to someone, either in marriage or a serious live in relationship, then have kids you forget what alone is. That can be good, but sometimes it makes me feel weird. I have been a mom for a little over 6 yrs, yet what about 8 yrs prior to that that I spent relitively "alone"? I guess motherhood warps ones mind as well.

holli said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
holli said...

I've done the alone thing by choice - I made this big decision a long time ago to "not date" and find myself.. and it actually worked out pretty well.. What sucks is when you decide you're done with that phase and well.. you know. But the beauty of that is - I know who I am really well, and I'm watching a lot of my friends struggle with the opposite.

I think you'll just find out what we all already know - you're a pretty amazing person, and when the right person comes along - you'll be YOU.

Enjoy your own company.. At some point - you'll have constant company.. like babies and dogs in the bath with you. ALL THE TIME!!!

AFGUY said...

AWW If i was ever near you, i would eat with you, conversate and pay for breakfast, and give you a rose because your a cutie...

Well See ya

Haley said...

Well aren't you a gentleman. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. In fantasy world, I would have your company.


AFGUY said...

thats not a fantasy its reality

Haley said...

Hmmm.. that's interesting.

Suddenly I wonder if YOU have a notifier...


acumamakiki said...

Being alone is one of the things that I NEED most in this world and I start to short-fuse if I haven't had alone time. I think one of the most liberating and profound experiences I had was when I was able to go eat or to the movies alone. Certainly NOT when I was your age Haley! You are a smart, independent woman and it speaks a lot about your character that your able to be so comfortable with yourself. I hope you had a great day off yesterday!

Mama said...

Alone? What is that word? I was excied when I could go to the bathroom the DOG follows me in! SOunds like you had a nice peaceful breakfast!

I'm honored that u and your sis read my 100! I am here for u if u need me!

btw I have the grad and prom pics. Come see!


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